thecla555

IMDb member since November 2014
    Lifetime Total
    5+
    IMDb Member
    9 years

Reviews

Willy's Wonderland
(2021)

It's official. Nick Cage has had a midlife crisis on screen
Is this real life? Have you ever had one of those dreams that you wake up from and think, wow that would make an awesome movie? Sorry off topic there a moment, back to this absolute masterpiece of cinematic garbage. What was he thinking? From the silent but deadly, dark, mysterious character to the pinball dance moves this film was bad. I genuinely regret watching this entire film, so many minutes of my life I could've taken to contemplate my naval, paint a wall only to watch it dry, or you know those stickers that take a painfully long time to delicately peel only to leave behind the sticky stuff that you can't get rid of? Yeh peel some of those...anything would've been a better use of my time. I guess you could play guess the trope in bingo style, or a drinking game, every time you cringe you have to drink...although that is encouraging alcoholism...yeh...this film does that.

An English Haunting
(2020)

Utter crap - spoilers, you're welcome
I don't enjoy writing negative reviews, but I didn't enjoy this film either, so I guess that makes us even.

The acting was appalling by all but the main lad who played Blake, who wasn't too bad. The score was so bad it was painful, the audio levels were so unbalanced and the sound effects were surely made by a 5 year old who has never heard a fire in their life, which is probably a good thing, but not for this film.

Every step of the film was predictable, it was just a hash of every bad horror film that ended in a way that made you feel embarrassed on behalf of the writer.

The location was nice enough, bit of overkill with the cobwebs maybe in an attempt to make the house look aged, but I'm sure it's a nice house. I heard a great line the other day, if you're hungry for a horror film to stick your teeth into, have a slice of Swiss cheese on your sandwich, it would have less holes. It's as if multiple bad writers got together once every 10 years and spat some words onto some random scrap of paper during a meth orgy and then decided to stick it all together with glitter...something had to attract funding for this script, although, it was probably self funded. The most glaring gaping hole...the tape that Blake finds that has dear old grandpappy Aubrey narrating how he discovered this deformed child, states that he has decided to name him Jacob...then when we discover this kid's mum orchestrated the whole arrangement, she also calls him Jacob...so...did she just decide she liked the name? Had she spent all this kid's life calling him kid until Aubrey fed the poor lad and taught him to speak, chose him a name and then you're telling me she just decided she liked the new name he was given? The writer did remember that Aubrey chose this name right? Cos you would name your child, it doesn't matter what they look like, you still love your child, so you still choose them a name, you don't wait 12 years until some semi naked hippie loner starts showing an unhealthy interest in your son and then say, hey that dude called him Jacob, I'll try that next time I call him up from his filthy little basement prison.

June
(2015)

I originally scored it 6, but recently returned to it, and I'm now concerned I'd had a stroke or something
Don't upset June. Really? I've seen more consequences to being asked to wear a mask in a supermarket. The acting is mainly good, so that's why it has any stars. I suppose it gets better towards the end...but I didn't get that far the second time, I think I fell asleep...or maybe had another stroke.

Seven Pounds
(2008)

Movie perfection for tear jerking, lasting damage to your heart. In a good way.
You know sometimes you just feel like you need to cry, a lot? It may just be me then, but as my usual go to movie is anything horror or action based, I do have moments when I require something a little more gentle and occasionally I can do the P.S I Love You style of balling your eyes out. So if you're like me, this is your movie, cos believe me, tears, like actually dehydrating buckets of tears. I felt I should plant some trees for the amount of tissues I went through and that was all at the end. You should watch this, it's pretty good.

Hungerford
(2014)

Bad, bad, bad badness
The only scary thing about this movie, is that it was made...actually what's scarier is that the main dude is a working actor, mate, genuinely no offense, you're probably a great guy, but you honestly cannot act. I imagine him to be one of those guys who turned to acting cos he was top of his class in high school drama cos he had an outgoing personality and probably cries on cue, but to convey fear, confusion and despair, you're not gonna turn to him. I imagine he would be a great kids entertainer, if you hated your kid.

Encounter
(2016)

Erm...don't waste life on this
It started as an ok B movie, not the best acting but not the worst, so I persevered, silly silly girl.

The main issues are that the writer couldn't decide between aliens or ghosts, and the she clearly thinks she's duped us into thinking it's one and then it turning out to be the other...shocker it's aliens...except there is no shock, at all, ever. It uses all the old tropes, some banal reason for having cameras in rooms, swinging lightshades, scratches on the walls, odd marks on their bodies, some old guy who for some reason creeps out the woman, the couple have no money to move elsewhere. About half way through, I wondered what to have for tea tomorrow and what I should get my brother for his birthday...so not a gripping film. It actually annoys me when people make these films, I know, get a life right? At least they've bothered to make a film etc. Yes ok, fair enough, however what I truly want to know, is who read this and said, yep that's a great idea, this makes perfect sense and is going to be a great movie for all to enjoy, here's some money, someone grab a camera and meet me at the farm? Cos whoever they are, I have some great ideas for horror films, so feel free to reach out, unless it was fully funded by the writer, then...erm I'm good, thanks.

I Kill Giants
(2017)

Beautifully crafted insight
I thoroughly enjoyed this film start to finish. There were a couple of moments I had an inkling what the story would become, but I was sufficiently swept up to want one of the other characters to witness the giants, and confirm their existence despite this.

Perhaps having lost a parent to a terminal illness, allowed me to empathise, but I believe watching this with no prior knowledge of the story, and the ability to allow yourself to suspend disbelief, it is a charming and emotive insight into detachment from reality, when facing something so traumatic.

At the Devil's Door
(2014)

Poor
*****This contains SPOILERS******** It's the age old, demon wants a human body to inhabit so it impregnates people story....just it's been done so much better, this is a bit of a pathetic attempt.

I wouldn't say the acting was bad exactly, perhaps it was the script and direction that caused the lack of atmosphere, and the inability to relate to any of the characters due to their entire lack of personality.

It is such a loose story, girl sells soul, demon impregnates girl, girl kills herself. Girl haunts previous home for a number of years...demon does nothing until some random real estate woman arrives who can't have kids...so the demon kills her and goes after her sister....why? Apparently we don't need to know why.

We are informed very loosely that the sisters have no family, and a somewhat strained relationship, seems they have no friends either.

I will commend the actress who played Vera for her passive aggressive portrayal, even though we are given no reason as to why she is so bitter.

Also what is with the adoptive mother at the end who appears to ignore her child's ability to change channels telepathically; who allows a total stranger into her home to be alone with her daughter, then doesn't even notice when they leave until about 15 minutes later...also how does she find them so easily....Can I also ask why Vera waited 6 years, then turned up to murder her demon spawn with what looked like a kitchen knife tucked in her pants...???

To end, the child looks at her real mother(Vera)with black eyes, yet Vera chooses instead of death,this demon child should be loved by her so kidnaps her....wait, what?

I really don't get how or why this film was made. Garbage.

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