whitemerrick

I get it, we can't have perfect adaptations. But this is ludacris. You take an IP because you figure you'll have an embedded fandom and then you change the entire story and wonder why people dont like it? I mean, who is this woman?? C'mon, I get it, one has to make compromises when changing media. TV tells stories differently than books. Got it. But what is this story and this woman? Book Rowan was intimidating, commanded respect and was entirely confident. TV Rowan is timid and when she's not, she's murderous. And yet I could have done with that. I could've liked it. But nooo. Where the eff is Michael Curry? I mean the whole point of the Book 1 is that Rowan meets Michael who has the very specific set of genes necessary to create a very particular baby. No Michael. And while we're on the subject the ethnicity of the characters was actually absolutely essential to the plot. There's a whole chapter devoted to it in the book. And it was essential because this is story of genetics as much as it is a story of witchcraft. But no. Who cares? What's funny is that all this is unnecessary. They could have correctly adapted Anne Rice and made a nice show. Or they could've made this exact show and named it something else and I would like it but no. Michael Curry is just one of the essential elements that was removed. The incest within the Mayfair family was also essential and also removed almost entirely.

For all the people out there saying that it's a swing and a miss cause its so politically correct, it isn't actually PC. First of all, it makes perfect sense that Wisconsin's population is more diverse during the 90's than during the 70's because more black/latino/asian families moved to towns that used to be almost entirely during the 90's so yes, it makes sense for the group to have more non-white members. It was also easier to come out during the 90's than during the 70's so again it makes sense for the group to have at least one non heterosexual member. Putting non white members and non straight characters isn't forcing current PC aesthetics, its actually pretty on point to reality.

The kids are charming and funny and just like the OG characters, they're kind of aimless losers just living in small town America.

They also replicated the amazingly annoying neighbour which instead of Bob is now a single mom that is equally obnoxious.

The cameos by the OG cast are funny.

Okay, so I watched this cause I'm an archaeology buff and I have to say I'm divided. On the one hand, this guy has a perfectly believable point which is that History as we know it is basically incomplete because we are missing large parts of time in our records due to war and cataclysm. That's a theory I can absolutely get behind. He essentially states that we have forgotten more ancient, advanced civilisations than we currently know. So in this theory Sumeria is not the oldest by far and human "civilised" history is actually several millenia older. Again I might be inclined to get behind that. He chalks up this amnesia to the ice age and willing ignorance from the academia. Having been in the academia myself I cam confirm that it can be stifling place full of people who are extremely reluctant to admit they might not hold the absolute, final truth so again far enough. But then it takes a turn into crazy Mulder conspiracy land. Not only is academia narrow-minded and humankind amnesiac, no. The truth is that all ancient civilisations are descended from a single super ancient, super advanced forgotten civilisation. And the evidence for this is that a bunch of them have kind of similar legends about their origins. So basically I sorta of agree with his premise but his conclusion is banana pants. He completely throws out the scientific method and he absolutely does cherry pick his legends and his facts. Being from one of the countries he visits and talks about I can confirm that the legends of my country he chose isn't even the most common one. This guy uses a very effective method to try and convince people which is he mixes up facts with the unknown and people's inherent desire for the mysterious to have meaning and then leads you down a very odd rabbit hole. I'm giving it 6 stars cause some of the things he says and presents are interesting enough that I'll read about them later on but also because he kinda goes down a cray cray path there. Oh and one star down because he talked to Joe Rogan.

This is not a good movie, let's get that out of the way. I gave it a shot because I thoroughly enjoyed Rec (and hated the American remake) however in this case it's this one that is the crappy remake. Now, Skeleton Key is a fairly terrible movie in it's own right but I actually enjoyed it, it was quick-paced and didn't take itself too seriously. The Grandmother moves like a drowsy slug and takes itself so seriously. It attempts to be a study of aging and youth and the toxic relationship we have with them but... it isn't. At the end it's just an unoriginal, slow, boring and unnecessary movie. I mean if you're gonna use an old idea at least add a twist.

I wanted to like this, the trailer gave me serious 'Are you afraid of the dark?' vibes and I thought Midnight Mass was fairly good so I gave it a shot. That said Mike Flanagan, while a decent showrunner, flannaganises everything which means he takes virtually any story and drips bucketfulls of honey on it. The sheer amount of corny a$$ scenes in this, my god, and the duration of them. The first five episodes are sorta well balanced between horror, mystery and drama but after that, the drama just overtakes everything. The sickly sweet monologues here are just unbearably long and the 'sensitive' scenes are basic at best. Ilonka, the main character, is also annoying as hell. People complaining about Anya but Ilonka is the worst. Supposedly she's a character struggling with coming to terms with her death and grasping at straws for health but she doesn't really come off desperate. She comes off like a Mary Sue in all her iterations both in the main story and the side stories. She's just soooo good, soooo sweet and so intolerable.

It's adorable, funny, heartbreaking and sweet. Even the colour palette is perfect. I watched one episode a night just before bed and it really mellowed me out.

I watched this because I'm a fan of horror, and I'm a Spanish speaker so I figured why not. This thing is not original and that's really the essential problem. It's just another cheesy hollywood folk horror about young people going off on an adventure and finding dangerous people but instead of being rednecks in Alabama, it's deformed people in the Pyrenees. The found footage us interspersed with images of a 90's newscast about a health emergency that's causing stillbirths and deaths. As usual, there's the archetypecal "hot girl" who, in the 7 episodes, never stops wailing and crying and screaming like some sort of deranged cow. The other kids are as vexing as her in different ways. Honestly this could have been any terrible Hollywood movie, there's nothing original, the acting is forgettable, the writing is bananas. The only virtue it has is that each episode is only 15 minutes long so you can quickly plow through it.

I gave this a 7 even though its probably more like a 5 just because I'm comparing it to the other Resident Evil adaptation and it fares better in comparison. The sets are on point, the police station, Raccoon City, even the orphanage thing and the mansion are good. The acting is good enough. They whole mood is pretty well built. They just made inexplicable changes. Leon is now not white which could have worked because the actor is good but didn't work because they inexplicably turned Leon into a blithering idiot. He's terrible at being a cop, he's a loser, he's awkward. The whole thing about leon was that he was not an awkward loser. He excelled at the academy. And despite being a rookie rose up to the situation. Like I said, the problem isn't that they turned him brown but that they turned him dumb and senselessly because it serves no purpose. They turned Jill into a weird happy trigger psycho and Wesker is now like cuddly? The main problem however is that they tried to make 2 games in one movie. 1 and 2. And in trying to cram all that in a movie they couldn't do justice to either. I dont think more movies will come but it was certainly more acceptable that netflix's RE.

I watched this show and immediately read reviews and opinions online. Lemme just say this, people didn't generally hate this show because they're racists jerks. They hated it cause its genuinely terrible. I couldn't care less if their characters are pink or purple, I care that their character are obnoxious little twerps. Because holy zombies, jade and Billie are annoying in every single one of their appearances. Now, I'm a little bit more inclined to forgive that annoyingness in the teen subplot because teenagers are inherently annoying both in the real world and the fictional one so whatever. But the true gem of annoyance is adult jade wesker. I dont know if its down to the actress or bad writing or a horrifying combination of both but I wanted her to get her face eaten. She's so terrible. She's supposed to be the great hero of the story but she's so stupid. She has mind-boggling levels of stupid which combined with her self-righteousness makes me want to stab the screen every time she's on it.

It's also not that I'm hard-core fan, I'm not. I played some games casually so it's not like I feel that someone violated the sanctity of my game. Its just that's its absolutely terrible writing. And most heinous of all.. there's almost no zombies. Please don't make another season of this.

There are no proper adjectives to describe just how terrible and clichéd this movie actually is. Every single dialogue is a cliche, it's like listening to two fortune cookies talking. I could not pick the guy out of a line up if they paid me and Joey King is always just "chick from the Kissing Booth". This movie just genuinely doesn't deserve to exist..

This movie could've been tolerably interesting if it hadn't been because it's 70% the chicken screaming "Ben!" and 15% the chick just screaming. The last 15% was a weird semi-lovecraftian underwater horror recorded in such a way that's almost impossible to tell what's happening. I mean, I wasn't expecting loads from it or anything but it became nearly unbearable to watch at some point because it was just the actress screaming whether something scary was happening or not. At some point you're really just rooting for the killers here just to give your ears a little break.

I thought I'd give Family Reunion a try because I like Tia Mowry and Loretta Devine but I found myself not just bored but genuinely annoyed. I don't mind the suspense of disbelief regarding an NFL tight end and his family moving in with his parents, it's that this whole show seems stuck in a bygone era of both sitcoms and society. Supposedly, the family moves to Georgia so the kids can be kids and learn family values and to show us that, the 'new age modern' parents are suddenly okay with the grandmother beating them with a belt. (Admittedly, it doesn't actually happen but it doesn't not happen because they come to the conclusion that hitting kids is wrong but because the kid has something on the grandmother). The show attempts to promote diversity but the children who had apparently grown up free are suddenly forced to be church-going, verse-learning Christians. And there's virtually no 'reverse learning', the conservative grandparents never learn anything from their younger relatives because it is assumed that the city, modern, liberal young parents and their kids are just inherently wrong but not just wrong, their ways are downright evil and hell worthy. To that, let's add forced corniness, stiff acting from some of the actors and boring plotlines. The kids (except for Jade) are forgettable, Richard Roundtree is only a guest, and Tia Mowry is not given as much cam time as she deserves. Now, if I saw this in tv and it was a rerun from a show made in the 80's or 90's I'd probably enjoy it. But it was made in 2019 and it feels like a forced return to an ancient preachy morality.