Since I have no life to speak of, I could easily list all the things that are wrong about this film, but IMDb doesn't let you type more than 10,000 words so I'll try to keep this brief. If you watch "Jingle All the Way" expecting a heart-warming family film for the holidays, you're bound to be more disappointed than... um... say, someone who read this sentence expecting a somewhat funny punchline. I have to be honest about this movie's flaws, you being my number one customer and all:
1) This movie isn't funny. The only funny thing about this eggnog spill is that sometime back in 1996, George Lucas sat down in his Xanadu out at Lucas Ranch, popped this gem into his VCR, saw Jake Lloyd on screen and thought to himself: "This is it. I've found the kid who could do justice to the role of Darth Vader". Come to think of it, not even that's very funny.
2) This movie isn't heart-warming. In fact, it's more of an exercise tool for bulimia victims. They won't have to use their fingers or anything.
3) What's with the rampant anti-dwarfism in this movie? Vertically challenged members of society are repeatedly tossed around as carelessly as babies with weed-smoking relatives.
However, despite all of these flaws (and the 9,997 other ones that I wasn't allowed to list) "Jingle" is a mind-blowing experience for those with the right expectations. Like I said, if you expect a heart-warming and hilarious Christmas film, prepare to be disappointed. BUT if you expect a film in which Schwarzenegger does some totally awesome Arnold stuff the way only he can, like:
- trying to play a caring father but coming off as more of a closeted paedophile
- fighting a huge, bare-chested Santa
- punching a reindeer in the snout
then, my friend, you will walk away from the movie a better person, with a big, earnest smile on your face and a steady stream of drool running down your chin. Personally, I watched with the right expectations, and loved the flick, even if it did kinda make me feel like my soul had just been besmirched with bucket-loads of hot grease from hell at times. But overall, a very satisfying experience for fans of the garbage Arnold has been churning out every now and then between his good stuff. Think of it as a big-budget "Hercules in New York" minus the legendary bear fight. Like Arnold would say: "Dees ees keewl!"