Directed by: Dan Bradley

Written by: Carl Ellsworth, Jeremy Passmore

Featuring: Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Hutcherson

Warning: This review contains massive spoilers. Seriously. It will tell you that key characters in the film die (although the author doesn’t really remember their names).

That’s not entirely true. In all honesty, he didn’t catch all the names because the names were apparently not as important as throwing multiple characters at the audience at once. Clearly, the best way for any audience to determine a character’s name is to have other characters yell their name multiple times while they’re in danger. Then you know that character is important. Or about to die.

I barely remember seeing Red Dawn as a kid in the '80s. With the release of the remake on the horizon, I watched the first one again prior to seeing the new version. Although the original’s Soviets,...