Happy 53rd birthday to the woman who holds the record for (wait for it) the most televised standup specials, the divine Kathy Griffin. She’s been a sitcom actress, a Bravo reality star, a Levi Johnston date, a Celebrity Mole champ, a leading Ryan Seacrest critic, and most of all a hilarious and knowledgeable ally to the gay community who has always, always represented. There was once an article on Kathy that called her “Dorothy Snarker,” and I can’t think of a more fitting sobriquet: She’s not just funny in a broad, vulgar way; she is downright witty and insightful. Her memoir Official Book Club Selection is juicy and compulsively readable, and I just accidentally read six pages between sentences of this post.

Let’s celebrate with a query: What’s her funniest line?

My answer changes from day to day, but for right now I’ll go with one of her old,...