Big Jule: If it gets around in Chicago that I went to a prayer meeting, no decent person will talk to me!
Stefan: Whose blood is it?
Peter: Oh, just some customers'.
Sorrowful 'Sir Sorry' Jones: All right, take his marker. A little doll like this is worth twenty bucks any way you look at it.
Regret: Yeah, she ought to melt down for that much.
Customs official: Anything to declare?
Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.
Remy Marco: Sure, I'm legit. I'm in favor of law and order. But you don't have to have it right in your own house, do you?
Irene Walker: Charley, I've been doin' three to four hits a year for the past couple of years, most at full pay.
Charley Partanna: That many?
Irene Walker: Well, it's not many when you consider the size of the population.
Bianca: [after Fred Graham kisses her to shut her up] I was just saying "Thank you"!
Slug: How do you suppose she says "You're welcome"?
Joe Lilac: [as the professors draw guns on Joe and his men] What is this?
Prof. Oddly: I believe... I think it is known as an "up-stick".
Joy Boy: What's with her?
Dave the Dude: Aah, she just wants a bunch of kids.
Joy Boy: Kids? Aw, they're mean when they get on that kick.
Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
Tina Vitale: [lost in New Jersey] Hey, wait a minute! I know where we are. These are the flatlands. My husband's friends used to dump bodies here.
Danny Rose: Great. I'm sure you can show me all the points of cultural interest.
Nick: Let's avoid confusion. She'll get some lines, or I'll nail your knee caps to the floor.
Happy McGuire: That should be a cinch.
Butler: I beg your pardon, Sir.
Happy McGuire: I said that should be a leadpipe cinch!
Butler: If I had choice of weapons with you, Sir, I'd choose grammar!
Professor Marcus: One-Round, there is a wheelbarrow outside, could you fetch it? The Major has a train to catch.
Arthur Ferguson Jones: You know something, a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Robbo: You look like the day they fixed the electricity at the death house.
Edwin: I don't want to go to Brooklyn. You can't make me. I don't *want* to go to Brooklyn.
Bus Driver: None of us want to, bud, but we all gotta go sooner or later.
Joe: We didn't see anything!
Jerry: We didn't hear anything either!
Flo Addams: That's Clarence makin' birdcalls. He's awful good.
Clarence P. Fletcher: [makes a hooting sound]
Flo Addams: Want him to impersonate a robin?
Little Johnny Sarto: What'll he do? Eat a worm?
Sunshine: Shut up, the guy's dead.
Barney: Well, I'm reasonably sorry.
Bobbie: Listen skinny, before you start talking tough, I'd better warn you I've got a black belt in karate. So why don't you get out of here quietly, while you still got some teeth left in that ugly face?
[Foxy knocks her down with a barstool]
Foxy Brown: And I've got MY black belt in barstools!
Chick Larkin: [talking about Juliet Collins] She's only got a couple of buck teeth.
Mervin Q. Milgrim: Why do I care what she paid for them?
Umbrella Sam: [when asked why he always carries his umbrella, rain or shine] How should I know... I'm a Damon Runyon character!
Sidney Melbourne: Santy Claus don't drink.
Gloomy Willie: Oh, no? Well, how come he's always falling down chimleys?
Jackie becomes the head of a gang through the purchase of some lucky roses from an old lady.
Virgil: Me and my big mouth. I'd get rid of it, except it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.
Keats: They say he's going to do a job in Italy.
Mr. Bridger: Well, I hope he likes spaghetti. They serve it four times a day in the Italian prisons.
Blanche: Do you get a bigger kick doing this, or stealing small objects?
Ahmed: Your demands are very great, under the circumstances.
Billy Dannreuther: Why shouldn't they be? Fat Gut's my best friend, and I will not betray him cheaply.
Perry: You don't get it, do you? This isn't "good cop, bad cop." This is fag and New Yorker. You're in a lot of trouble.
Doc: [stealing a gangster's car] This is not a good idea, Val.
Val: Yeah, well, my life is full of not good ideas.
Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us.
Otto: If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking *German!* Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles..."
Osbourne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a *beep* of consequences my friend your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there.
Chad Feldheimer: Y-you think that's a Schwinn?
The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.