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Blue Moon Detective Agency. We'll help you solve your case. We'll help you find your mate. If it's answers you need, we're eager to please. From stuff that's been took, to people who rook. We're on the case, a smile on our face. We're an agency with class, we really move our...

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. We're detectives with a heart, we're here to do our part. In your moment of need, we'll be there indeed. So please don't be shy, just give us a try. We're cooperative and discreet, we really can't be beat. And now, if I may be so bold, I'd like to put you on hold.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. We're here to unravel events that might baffle. We'll figure it out, and leave you no doubt. So tell us what's wrong. It won't take us long. We do our work well... There's no need to yell.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. If persons are missing, if objects are lost, We'll find them for you at reasonable cost. Your runaway husband, that non-paying louse. We'll find them for you, bring them back to the house. Lost a prize-winning dog? Lost a prize-winning cat? We'll find them both for you in just no time flat. So tell us your problem, it'll all work out fine. Just tell me your problem, it's why I'm on the line.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Domestic entanglement's our forte. If he plays around, we'll track him down. We'll catch him with his fling, take shots of the whole thing. Black-and-white and color too. Big ones, little ones...

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Blue Moon Investigations. Get in some trouble? We're there on the double. Wife a philanderer? We'll handle her. Need someone trailed? We've never failed. We break every case. We meet every goal. And what's more, aquí se habla español.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Strange calls in the night? Notes in your mailbox by dawn's early light? Tell us about it, let us get involved. We'll find the perv and your problems will be solved.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Running a pageant, need to know if any girls posed for photos showing more than a competition would allow? Give us a call and we'll find out now. We have sources at major men's magazines...

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. If you're in trouble, if you're in a jam, Don't tell me, I don't give a damn.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Say your pooch hasn't yet come home. Called his name, bought him a new bone. Give us a shot. Mad and Dave will find Spot.

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Blue Moon Investigations. Thanks for calling the agency that offers a double-your-crime-back guarantee. Amnesia cases are our special today. Finding the real you is our forte. We'll locate your name, find where you reside and throw in a gala welcome-home party besides.

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Blue Moon Investigations. Are you being watched? Are you being bugged? Give us a call and we'll find the thug. Whoever is your peeping Tom, Dick or John, We won't quit until he is gone.

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Blue Moon Investigations. If you're in a fix, we're the people to turn to, we make it right quick. We're effective because we listen to all you say. We listen, listen, listen and send help on the way.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Have things gone awry? Is it solutions you seek? We're eager to help, but we're closed a few weeks. So if you're despondent, and your life's out of whack, We hope you're still troubled when we all get back. I am not amused by your trip out-of-state. This is your landlord - the rent's 2 weeks late. Your toilet's backed up, and the place smells like heck. If you want me to fix it, then send me a check.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. If your stocking gets stolen and your tree can't be found, You may as well call us 'cause we'll be around. We have to work christmas, so if you're in a pinch, Just give Blue Moon a jingle and ask for the Grinch.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. If your spouse is a louse, or your kid has been napped, You've misplaced your fortune, your phone's being tapped...

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Blue Moon Investigations. We'd love to speak to you, that would be keen, But since we're not here, talk to this machine. When you hear the beep, leave your name and number. Don't hang up, that would be a bummer.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Has your dog jumped the fence? Did fido get lost? Put us on his scent, at our low dog-finder cost. We'll hit the ground running, get to the pound fast, And retrieve your loved one, before he gets ga...

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. If you want a rhyme, call another time.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. We've been here three years taking care of your woes. Finding lost persons, telling unfaithful bows. And I have a birthday, I' m offering a deal, And I solve your murder, we buy you a meal.

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(answering machine)

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You've reached the machine of Agnes Dipesto. Please wait for the beep, and state your manifesto.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Got a problem? Got a worry? Want us to help? Better hurry.

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(Clara DiPesto answering the phone)

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You've reached Blue Moon. We're delighted you called. If you're in Dire Straits, we're completely enthralled. But you'll have to call back, please don't be opposed. Check your calendar, blockhead. It's saturday, we're closed.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Your clerk's been embezzling, your favorite cat's left, Hubby's been seeing some blond or brunette, Mysteriously left out of granny's estate, laid down a bad bet, Stood up by a date, your tiara is missing, no one to trust? Come to blue moon. We promise a bust.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. You could be a man who just stabbed his wife, Or even the woman at the other end of the knife. I hate to sound heartless, or rude or cold, But we're really busy. I'll have to put you on hold.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Your best gal friday's got her hand in the till, That faithful book-keeper's been giving you swill? Call blue moon, pronto. We'll sniff out that cheat And get your business back on its feet. Our fee ain't cheap, but we'll bust our chops 'Cause our team is back together and everything's... sort of ok.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Some lowdown no-good Nick made off with your dough? We can't solve your case because we don't have a show. We went off the air at the end of last season... Management wouldn't listen to reason. Blue Moon's here, though there's one thing we're sans... millions of loyal intelligent fans. Hang in there, it'll be a bit when you won't have to deal with this rerun... Shut my mouth. Oh, my goodness. Got to go.

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Good morning to you. It's a wonderful day. Everything's great, we're happy to say. The world's full of cheer, there's reason for glee Thanks to quick work by MacGilicuddy and me.

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Blue Moon Investigations. Are you the target of somebody's ire, to be kidnapped, divorced, set on fire? Why wait till your honey's cashed out and fled? The ransom note's read, maybe you're dead. Our pre-mayhem checkup is perfect for you. For a few bucks, we'll sniff every clue. Pester your friends, dig high, dig low If your number's up, don't you wanna know?

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Blue Moon Detective Agency. Sorry for not answering on the first ring but we're cleaning, preparing for spring. Getting rid of the old to make room new, so we give every client his or her due. Sorry, operator, we cannot accept an out-of-state call that is collect.

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