David Spade Poster

Quotes (36)

  • I just couldn't have gone into a room where Chris was in a box. [on why he chose not to attend actor/friend Chris Farley's funeral]
  • I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.
  • Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.".
  • It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.
  • I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.
  • You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.
  • When I started, I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks.
  • I never have kids in movies or in television shows.
  • I never dated much in high school or college.
  • I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
  • I have no detectable hair style.
  • I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.
  • I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm over thinking it to get it right.
  • Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.
  • There's always something funny about men chasing women.
  • It's funny because it's funny.
  • You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.
  • In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends.
  • I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
  • I've got to get on myself to be sharp, funny and loose.
  • I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.
  • I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
  • No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.
  • My career is just kind of crazy.
  • Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.
  • It's so crazy in Hollywood.
  • It's hard to have a career.
  • To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.
  • To be famous and broke is hard.
  • There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
  • Sometimes when I watch a television season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.
  • Single guys get a bad rap.
  • He's [Barack Obama] on GQ, I'm like "Leave that to Bradley Cooper." You don't need to go... You're the President, you're above all of us. You're above stars, you're above everything. When he's trying to get into the mix like, "I want to present at the MTV awards.", it's like "Alright guy. Relax. You've got it.".
  • Why is Obama on Bear Grills trying to survive in the tundra? Isn't the idea to keep the prez alive? And why is he on a reality show? WTF?
  • Michelle Obama's on "Ellen" more than I am. It's just a new world, I'm not used to it.
  • I criticized Obama because I thought a President should have a little more dignity. I realize Woodrow Wilson went on "Dancing with the Stars" once. But what President is doing reality shows? It just seems weird to me.