Utterly implausible on every level, and ultimately rather insulting: a bit of glitter and lots of hugs are the sum total of its “girl power.” I’m “biast” (pro): desperate for stories about women

I’m “biast” (con): nothing

I have not seen the source material

(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)

Well, shoot. I really wanted to like this flick. Not that I have any investment in the 1980s cartoon it’s based on: I’ve never even seen it, and honestly, I don’t even remember it. But this is a movie about a bunch of young women — women who are very different from one another and interested in different sorts of things, and some of them are even not white! — being cool and having fun and forming a band and making music. Alas, Jem and the Holograms is utterly implausible on every level,