Poll: Funny Jokes Told In Movies
Among these jokes, told in several movies, which one is the funniest? You may discuss the poll here
Poll by: Hoekkie
Created May 21 2017
Jason Bateman, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Raymond S. Persi in Zootopia (2016)
Nick: Okay. What do you call a three-humped camel? Flash: I don't... know. Nick: Pregnant.
Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction (1994)
Mia: Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street. Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup".
Cher, Kurt Russell, and Meryl Streep in Silkwood (1983)
Morgan: A young brave visits the chief of the tribe with a question. "Wise one, is it true you name all the members of the tribe, and if so, how is it done?" The venerable old man replies "Yes, for over 20 years I have named each person who is born to the tribe. I sit outside the lodge, and when I hear the infants' first cry, I open my eyes and the first thing I see becomes the name. So it was with your brother Big Bear, your sister Singing Bird, your cousin Blue Cloud, and so on." "But tell me, Two Dogs F------ why do you ask?"
Val Kilmer and Robert Downey Jr. in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find? Harry: A picture of me? Perry: No! The definition of idiot. Which you *beep* are!
Robin Williams in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
Adrian: What is the difference between the Cub Scouts and the military? Bzzzzzt! Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!
Jenna Elfman and Edward Norton in Keeping the Faith (2000)
Anna: I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday.
Megan Burns in 28 Days Later... (2002)
Mark: A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, 'Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there.' And the man says, 'No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.'
Woody Allen and Diane Keaton in Annie Hall (1977)
Alvy: There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."
Paul Newman and Charlotte Rampling in The Verdict (1982)
Frank: So Pat says, he says, "They got this new bar... and you go inside and for half a buck you get a beer, a free lunch and they take you in the back room - they get you laid... Mike says, "Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Do you mean to say there's a new bar and you go inside and for a half a buck they give you a beer, a free lunch and they take you in the back room and they get you laid?" Pat says, "That's right." "Have you ever been in the bar?" And he says, "No, but me sister has."
Sebastian: Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle. Looks like she wants to get *beep* right? So Superman starts thinking to himself, "Man I gotta get myself some of that wonderpussy." and then he realizes that he can fly down, do a little fast pumping and be gone before she even sees him. Because he's Superman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, right? So Superman, he swoops down, he *beep* her so quick, she doesn't even see him. Wonderwoman sits up and says, "What the *beep* was that?" and The Invisible Man says "I don't know but my ass is killing me." That's funny right?
Joaquin Phoenix in Her (2013)
Theodore: What does a baby computer call its father? Samantha: I don't know. What? Theodore: Data.
Sam Neill, Ariana Richards, and Joseph Mazzello in Jurassic Park (1993)
Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur? Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus. Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one. Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog? Dr. Alan Grant: You got me. Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex.
Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss in What About Bob? (1991)
Bob: The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex." So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor draws a car, owl, "Sex, sex, sex". The doctor says to him "You are obsessed with sex", he replies "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
Jackie Earle Haley in Watchmen (2009)
Rorschach: I heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says "I am Pagliacci."
Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino (2008)
Walt: Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the *beep* out of here."
Will Smith and Jaden Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)
Christopher: Hey dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said "Do you need help?" and the man said "God will save me". Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said "God will save me", then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, "God, why didn't you save me?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you dummy!"
Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall in Coming to America (1988)
Saul: A man goes into a restaurant. You listenin'? A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he's havin' a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter; "Waiter, come taste the soup." Waiter says; "Is there something wrong with the soup?" He says; "Taste the soup." He says; "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?" He says; "Will you taste the soup?", "What's wrong is the soup to cold?", "Will you just taste the soup?", "All right, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?", "Ah-ha!"
Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Kline, Woody Harrelson, Virginia Madsen, John C. Reilly, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, L.Q. Jones, Garrison Keillor, Lindsay Lohan, and Maya Rudolph in A Prairie Home Companion (2006)
Dusty: Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man? Lefty: What'd he say? Dusty: It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?
Carl Weathers and Bill Duke in Predator (1987)
Hawkins: Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend. I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't."
Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes in White Men Can't Jump (1992)
Junior: Your mother's so poor I saw her kicking cans and I asked her what she was doing she said "moving"
Sylvester Stallone and Sage Stallone in Rocky V (1990)
Rocky: Knock knock Rocky Jr.: Whose there? Rocky: Tuna fish Rocky Jr.: Tuna fish who? Rocky: You can tune a piano, but you can't tun-a fish!
Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man (1999)
Andrew: Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says: "Does this taste funny to you?"
See results without voting