Poll: Roundup the Funny Suspects
Choose the film with the funniest crooks.
Poll by: horn-5
Created Feb 2 2014
Guys and Dolls (1955)
Big Jule: If it gets around in Chicago that I went to a prayer meeting, no decent person will talk to me!
Flickering Lights (2000)
Stefan: Whose blood is it? Peter: Oh, just some customers'.
Little Miss Marker (1934)
Sorrowful 'Sir Sorry' Jones: All right, take his marker. A little doll like this is worth twenty bucks any way you look at it. Regret: Yeah, she ought to melt down for that much.
Customs official: Anything to declare? Avi: Yeah. Don't go to England.
A Slight Case of Murder (1938)
Remy Marco: Sure, I'm legit. I'm in favor of law and order. But you don't have to have it right in your own house, do you?
Prizzi's Honor (1985)
Irene Walker: Charley, I've been doin' three to four hits a year for the past couple of years, most at full pay. Charley Partanna: That many? Irene Walker: Well, it's not many when you consider the size of the population.
Kiss Me Kate (1953)
Bianca: [after Fred Graham kisses her to shut her up] I was just saying "Thank you"! Slug: How do you suppose she says "You're welcome"?
Ball of Fire (1941)
Joe Lilac: [as the professors draw guns on Joe and his men] What is this? Prof. Oddly: I believe... I think it is known as an "up-stick".
Pocketful of Miracles (1961)
Joy Boy: What's with her? Dave the Dude: Aah, she just wants a bunch of kids. Joy Boy: Kids? Aw, they're mean when they get on that kick.
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
Eddie: They're armed. Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what? Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
Get Shorty (1995)
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne. Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
Broadway Danny Rose (1984)
Tina Vitale: [lost in New Jersey] Hey, wait a minute! I know where we are. These are the flatlands. My husband's friends used to dump bodies here. Danny Rose: Great. I'm sure you can show me all the points of cultural interest.
Bullets Over Broadway (1994)
Nick: Let's avoid confusion. She'll get some lines, or I'll nail your knee caps to the floor.
Lady for a Day (1933)
Happy McGuire: That should be a cinch. Butler: I beg your pardon, Sir. Happy McGuire: I said that should be a leadpipe cinch! Butler: If I had choice of weapons with you, Sir, I'd choose grammar!
The Ladykillers (1955)
Professor Marcus: One-Round, there is a wheelbarrow outside, could you fetch it? The Major has a train to catch.
The Whole Town's Talking (1935)
Arthur Ferguson Jones: You know something, a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Robin and the 7 Hoods (1964)
Robbo: You look like the day they fixed the electricity at the death house.
Wonder Man (1945)
Edwin: I don't want to go to Brooklyn. You can't make me. I don't *want* to go to Brooklyn. Bus Driver: None of us want to, bud, but we all gotta go sooner or later.
Some Like It Hot (1959)
Joe: We didn't see anything! Jerry: We didn't hear anything either!
Brother Orchid (1940)
Flo Addams: That's Clarence makin' birdcalls. He's awful good. Clarence P. Fletcher: [makes a hooting sound] Flo Addams: Want him to impersonate a robin? Little Johnny Sarto: What'll he do? Eat a worm?
All Through the Night (1942)
Sunshine: Shut up, the guy's dead. Barney: Well, I'm reasonably sorry.
Foxy Brown (1974)
Bobbie: Listen skinny, before you start talking tough, I'd better warn you I've got a black belt in karate. So why don't you get out of here quietly, while you still got some teeth left in that ugly face? [Foxy knocks her down with a barstool] Foxy Brown: And I've got MY black belt in barstools!
Who Done It? (1942)
Chick Larkin: [talking about Juliet Collins] She's only got a couple of buck teeth. Mervin Q. Milgrim: Why do I care what she paid for them?
It Ain't Hay (1943)
Umbrella Sam: [when asked why he always carries his umbrella, rain or shine] How should I know... I'm a Damon Runyon character!
The Lemon Drop Kid (1951)
Sidney Melbourne: Santy Claus don't drink. Gloomy Willie: Oh, no? Well, how come he's always falling down chimleys?
Miracles: The Canton Godfather (1989)
Jackie becomes the head of a gang through the purchase of some lucky roses from an old lady.
Money from Home (1953)
Virgil: Me and my big mouth. I'd get rid of it, except it's such a handy place to keep my teeth.
The Italian Job (1969)
Keats: They say he's going to do a job in Italy. Mr. Bridger: Well, I hope he likes spaghetti. They serve it four times a day in the Italian prisons.
Sweet and Lowdown (1999)
Blanche: Do you get a bigger kick doing this, or stealing small objects?
Beat the Devil (1953)
Ahmed: Your demands are very great, under the circumstances. Billy Dannreuther: Why shouldn't they be? Fat Gut's my best friend, and I will not betray him cheaply.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
Perry: You don't get it, do you? This isn't "good cop, bad cop." This is fag and New Yorker. You're in a lot of trouble.
Stand Up Guys (2012)
Doc: [stealing a gangster's car] This is not a good idea, Val. Val: Yeah, well, my life is full of not good ideas.
A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us. Otto: If it wasn't for us, you'd all be speaking *German!* Singing "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles..."
Burn After Reading (2008)
Osbourne Cox: If you ever carried out your proposed threat you would experience such a *beep* of consequences my friend your empty little head would be spinning faster than the wheels of your Schwinn bicycle back there. Chad Feldheimer: Y-you think that's a Schwinn?
The Big Lebowski (1998)
The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides. The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.
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