• 12 March 2007
    Warning: Spoilers
    This is undoubtedly the most moronic movie I watched in a long time. It's not that it is just BAD, there is a lot of entertainment to be had watching bad films this is just moronic. Two lines of exposition followed by five minutes of taking-it-in-turns fighting, followed by two lines of exposition, followed by five minutes of taking-it-in-turns to kick each other into piles of things piled up so people can be kicked into them fighting followed by.... you've got the picture by now. At one point towards the end one of the bad guys actually says "It's my turn now." before attacking the hero for the umpteenth time.

    The picture culminates (if that is the right word) in our heroes standing in front of a doomsday device which is about to wipe out all life on Earth. It is going to achieve this by firing small, cheap, bottle-rocket fireworks full of chemicals up a HUGE chimney into the atmosphere where their payloads will mingle into a deadly cloud. The three muscle headed heroes futilely type possible override passwords into the computer keyboard hoping to abort the system. None of them thinks to just push the bloody thing over. It's a short tube firing 75 pence fireworks for crying out loud. Put something over the top of it... what about that handy mirror you guys used to bypass the killer lasers? Put that on the top of the tube - then sit on it; that will do it. Duh? No, Mongo prefer to type with keyboard with one finger, Mongo only know how to type with one finger. There are, at the very least, a quarter of a million distinct English words, excluding inflections, and words from technical and regional vocabularies. What are the chances of muscle bound morons like this hitting the right one hunting and pecking away as the time ticks away? None! And isn't it lucky overrides are always complete words not made up words like 'snoffdingle' or just random strings of digits '5678vhjfrtydj'. I mean, if I was a mad scientist knowing muscle-headed kick-boxers were planning to thwart me that's the sort of password I would use. Wmahahahaha!