• Warning: Spoilers
    Black British actor Harry Baird and Robert Widmark star as the lead characters in director Mario Siciliano's "Trinity and Sartana: Those Dirty S.O.B.s" (1972),an inept comic oater about two hard-luck Robin Hood style outlaws that bears absolutely no resemblance to the two protagonists immortalized respectively by Terence Hill in "They Call Me Trinity" (1970) and "Trinity Is Still My Name" (1971), and Gianni Garko in the 1968 shoot-em up "If You Meet Sartana, Pray For Your Life" and later "Sartana the Gravedigger" (1969) and "Have A Good Funeral My Friend . . . Sartana Will Pay" (1970). Wisely, scenarist Adriano Bolzoni of "The Mercenary" (1968) clears up any confusion early on in this 102 minute Spaghetti western about the difference between the Terence Hill character and the protagonist that everybody calls Trinity (Harry Baird of "Tarzan The Magnificent") before setting the shallow plot into motion. The Trinity character here is called Trinity because he hails from the island of Trinidad and has been struggling to collect $5-thousand dollars so that he can return to his paradise. Trinity and Sartana (Robert Widmark, aka Alberto Dell'Acqua of "Kill Them All and Come Back Alone"), are saddle tramps who ride the same trail in search of adventure. In this slapstick juvenile western, Sartana is a carefree, quick-drawing, sharp-shooting, blond, ne'er-do-well cowboy who dresses like Roy Rogers and performs acrobatic stunts like Jackie Chan.

    Our heroes clash with an ambitious town boss, Burton (Stelio Candelli of "Planet of the Vampires"), whose greed knows no limits. Initially, Burton and his henchmen plan to rob the local bank. Sartana, however, beats them to the loot. This bank robbery is about as inventive as this silly Spaghetti western gets. Sartana carves a hole in the rear wall of the bank, climbs inside the vault, and then robs the bank as the lawmen and the banker are about to deposit the money! As Sartana pitches one bag of gold out of the hole to his compadre Trinity, little does he know that Trinity will claim it all for himself and then turn it over to poor landowners who were swindled out of their property by the dastardly Burton. The main part of the plot concerns an arrangement between the Mexican government and the United States. The Mexicans ship golden ingots across the border to Texas and the U.S. Government melts the gold down into pesos before returning it to the Mexican authorities. Burton learns about his deal and plans to steal $2-million dollars in gold with the help of a notorious Hispanic hard-case called 'The Tiger' (Alan Abbott, aka Ezio Marano of "Beast with a Gun") and his thirty trigger-happy pistoleers. Trinity and Sartana keep their distance from tough Texas Rangers escorting the stagecoach carrying the loot to the border rendezvous. This sounds a lot like the U.S./Mexican exchange in "A Fistful of Dollars." Meanwhile, 'The Tiger' and his hombres get the drop on the Mexican soldiers, don their uniforms, and impersonate them when the Texas Rangers show up. Not long afterward, Trinity and Sartana team up with a grizzled old drummer Bud Benny Bud (Dante Maggio of "For A Few Dollars More") who hides a deadly Gatling gun in a piano aboard his wagon. They use the Gatling gun to even the odds and rob Burton and the Tiger. No sooner have our heroes saved the day than the Texas Rangers ride back to the rendezvous with authentic Mexican troopers to reclaim the gold.

    "Trinity and Sartana: Those Dirty S.O.B.s," a thoroughly forgettable horse opera, scrapes the bottom of the barrel for humor.