• Warning: Spoilers
    Siamese twins were fodder for those old roadshow movies (think Reefer Madness and Birth of a Baby) of the '30s and '40s, which preceded porn as alternative "dirty" entertainment for the masses. Lesbian label Girlfriends Films takes a stab at this genre with "Conjoined" and fails miserably.

    Only vaguely similar looking (the vast height difference is a real drawback) Mischa Brooks and Rilynn Rae are cast as twins Dina and Tina, and like those star twins of yore, the Hiltons, the main theme is: how can one twin have sex while the other one's literally hanging around? Sarah Paulson did a nice job last season with the gimmick on TV's "American Horror Story" series, but here the concept comes off as merely silly or at best campy.

    Especially annoying is the very poor attempt at makeup SFX for the actresses joined at the side - it looks terrible and lessens any credibility. The attempt at pathos regarding the neglected twin is bathos, not pathos.

    Uncredited (as usual) Girlfriends director builds a modicum of suspense concerning the fate of the twins, but after nearly two and a half hours I felt cheated by this time-waster. Supporting cast in what is after all an excuse for XXX Sapphic sex scenes does a better job than the principals, with top talent like Sinn Sage, Odile and Chloe Foster on view.

    Most Girlfriends efforts are improvised, but this one features some truly lame dialog along the way. Worst case is when a character remarks: "I knew you guys were real close, no pun intended". Leaving that in the final print reflects a level of hubris when it comes to the more outlandish Girlfriends one-off projects, like this one or the equally unsuccessful "Lesbian Sex Society".