Queen Louise: Why am I always awakened from my dreams?

[first lines]

Jacques: [singing] I'll lay the dish here / Ooh, la la la la! / To hold the fish here / Ooh, la la la la! / The serviettes here / And now the cigarettes here / And matches, too. / They mustn't complain. / A little candy / Ooh, la la la la! / A little brandy / Ooh, la la la la! / A bunch of roses / To show the way we entertain / And a little bottle of champagne.

Count Alfred Renard: I can't see how anybody could be so anxious to leave this beautiful Paris.

Jacques: But, Monsieur, I am a Frenchman. And to be a Frenchman in Paris is nothing; because everyone in Paris is a Frenchman.

Count Alfred Renard: You'll never miss me when I'm gone. Paris. But, I know that I'll miss you.


Count Alfred Renard: You took a lot of pains in teaching me. Why must we say - adieu? I've seen your madness and some of your wild tales, down where the Seine flows and where the champagne flows. You taught me all that a kiss could be. Paris, your judgment was good enough for me. With you each night meant the thrill of excitement. Mon amour and ladies that love to raise Hades. If I've been happy, then you're to blame. Oh, Paris, please - stay the same.

Queen Louise: It never seems to occur to you Gentlemen that there might possibly be some men who would enjoy being my husband, even if I were not a Queen. My face isn't actually painful to look at. My complexion's quite good. And in case your too serious-minded to notice such things, let me inform you my legs are perfect!

Queen Louise: Count. Count Alfred, I understand you've been seriously involved in a disgraceful affair with a woman.

Count Alfred Renard: No, Your Majesty - with several.

Queen Louise: Aren't you ashamed of yourself.

Count Alfred Renard: [Shaking his head no] Yes, Your Majesty.

Queen Louise: I shall have to punish you very severely.

Count Alfred Renard: Yes, Your Majesty.

Queen Louise: Otherwise, you'll - start all over again.

Count Alfred Renard: [Excited] Yes!

Queen Louise: And you call that a punishment? You're the most impudent man I've ever met! You seem to forget you're talking to your Queen.

Queen Louise: [singing] Will you do as I advise?

Count Alfred Renard: Madame, you will be surprised.

Queen Louise: You mean?

Count Alfred Renard: Anything to please the Queen!

Queen Louise: [singing] Understand me, you'll keep watch all day for me?

Count Alfred Renard: A good night watchman, I will be. I've learned that duty in Paris. You leave it to me.

Queen Louise: You better wait and see. We shall find how good you are.

Count Alfred Renard: I've had no complaints so far.

Queen Louise: You mean?

Count Alfred Renard: Anything to please the Queen!

Jacques: Do you know the story of the Frenchman and the farmer's daughter?

Lulu: I know it.

Jacques: I am the Frenchman.

Lulu: You are not.

Jacques: How do you know?

Lulu: I am the farmer's daughter.

Lulu: They've opened the window! What does it mean?

Jacques: The Queen is warm.

Lulu: The champagne.

Jacques: No, it's him!

Queen Louise: Very well, forget it. I'm no longer Queen Louise the first of Sylvania, but a woman. A mere woman. And you're meeting me for the first time. What would you do? What would you do?

Queen Louise: All this - the first time you meet?

Count Alfred Renard: Yes.

Queen Louise: Oh, oh, but, if it's like this at first, what can be left for later?

Count Alfred Renard: Plenty. If she appeals to you and if you find out that you love her, oh, there's plenty left. If she will like.

Queen Louise: Like!

Count Alfred Renard: If she will like.

Count Alfred Renard: [singing] You are my ideal!

Queen LouiseCount Alfred Renard: My Love Parade!

Ambassador: A singi. A na who. A na who. Prostu, pass harr, Fo malu, a you.

Prime Minister: What does he say?

Afghan Ambassador's Translator: He says, man is man and woman is woman. And if you change that, causes trouble. He does not see how any man could stand being a wife. And therefore, he hopes this will be a most unhappy marriage.

Prime Minister: For heaven's sake, if he reports this to Afghanistan. Tell him, this is a love match. It will be the happiest marriage in the world.

Afghan Ambassador's Translator: Sara go. A fudu. Pera go knee. O sago chair ibear de bousay.

Ambassador: No chun-gu. No chun-gu. No chun-gu.

Jacques: Oh, it's s'wonderful being common!

Jacques: [singing] Squeeze me once. Squeeze me twice. It's most improper but oh it's nice! Let's be common and do it again!

Count Alfred Renard: Oh, I'm sick of being treated as if I were a sort of - plaything.

Lulu: She is in her room and he is in his.

Jacques: Yes, sad, isn't it.

Lulu: When we get married, let's be common and only have one room between us.

Jacques: Why even one room between us?

Count Alfred Renard: But, how am I going to punish you? And you must be punished!

Queen Louise: Yes.

Count Alfred Renard: And severely!

Queen Louise: Yes!