Maizie Dickson: [to Toni Martin] So, he wants to take you to New York, heh? Well, you sit down, listen to me! Suppose he does take you to Broadway. You'll have a swell time, for awhile, anyway. He's a good teacher. One of the very best! He'll teach you how to breathe nightclub air, how to drink straight rye without making a face, how to mix 18 different kinds of cocktails and take care of cryin' drunks! You learn how to let the men do the work for you and you find out that some of 'em won't do it for nothin'. He'll teach you how to steal pictures and to chisel on your expense account. He'll introduce you to all the hot spot hostesses and speakeasy junkies! You'll learn to stall all the bills for the clothes that look so swell before they had drinks spilled on them. And then one morning you'll wake up with a hangover six times bigger than the state of Texas! And you'll wonder if there's one good reason why you should go on living!
Bob Parks: Well, then you take three drinks and you don't give a hoot.
Maizie Dickson: For the first few months you'll be that cute little Martin kid. After that, you'll be known to the trade as good ol' Toni. From then on you're the tough twist from the Globe or the speakeasy sob sister. And when you add it all up it's got a minus sign in front of it and bares a close resemblance to Bob Parks - Broadway's buddy.
Bob Parks: Well the nice thing is you have so many things to repent when you are older and time - grows - heavy.
Maizie Dickson: Okay. You win. Welcome to the sobbing sisterhood. I'll send you a membership card in the mail.
[printed foreword]: This story deals with a certain phase of newspaper work. The STANDARD DICTIONARY defines news as: "Fresh information concerning something that has recently taken place." But quite frequently events occur which by their nature are so sensational - from the angle of sex, violence, the standing of the parties involved, or what not - - that they are reported in some newspapers long after there is any "fresh information" and when nothing at all "has recently taken place". Legitimate newspapers recognize this fact. They report real developments, and stop there. But others, pandering to the lowest tastes of the public, prolong such cases to the last degree. When news fails, they try to make news. As long as a shred of carcass remains, they feast upon it. Naturally, such journalistic scavenger work attracts only the lowest type of newspaper man - tipsters, stool pigeons, the base and the irresponsible. "THE FAMOUS FERGUSON CASE" is built upon the contrast between legitimate journalism and unprincipled scandal-mongering.
Antoinette 'Toni' Martin: Oh, nothing ever happens in a town like this!
Antoinette 'Toni' Martin: We were just saying, Bruce ought to go to New York. Where he'd get a chance.
Joe - Newspaper Man: Yeh, he ought to get clean out of the newspaper business. Ain't any money in it, anymore, as far as I see.
Antoinette 'Toni' Martin: No money? Why do you know how much some of those reporters in New York get? Two-hundred dollars a week! Now, that's money, isn't it?
Joe - Newspaper Man: Well, that 's a whole lotta money, alright - for snoopin' around in other folks business!
Antoinette 'Toni' Martin: It isn't snooping! Why, telling the people what's going on in the world - is one of the highest forms of public service.
Perrin: Those old fluffs are a million years behind the times! They're still writing with quill pens.
Martin Collins: Listen, boys, it's serious. We know that Bob Parks and Perrin, Jigger Bolton and that gang are high binders from the word go. They'd lie and steal and crucify their own grandmothers to make a story. But, just the same, in this case, they might be right.
Martin Collins: You see that Pig Woman, kid. You've got an honest face. She may talk for you.
Jigger Bolton: Say, do we have to come all the way up from New York to show you how to run your dinky office?
Bob Parks: You know, I couldn't get any real booze in this little town; so, I had to take the stuff I could get from the drug store. Come and get it! I don't know if it will be any good. It's hard to get the right ingredients in a little town like this.
Antoinette 'Toni' Martin: Mmmm. I think its lovely.
Jigger Bolton: Yeah, that's his one real talent. He can make a martini out of cockroach paste and turpentine.
Bob Parks: No! That's a Manhattan. A martini is boiled cigar butts and sheep dip.
Bob Parks: You know, Toni, I like you - lots. You're a pretty swell person. You're, well, you're genuine. That's why I want us to be friends. That's rather rare between men and women - friendship. Toni, there's only one real basis for friendship, so before you eat and decide, whether or not you want me for a friend, I want you to know just exactly what kind of a mug I am.
Jigger Bolton: Well, I'm highly qualified to criticize an absent brother, but this is one time Mr. Parks ought to be ashamed of himself. Why she's just a punk kid!
Perrin: Hi Boo-ful!
Maizie Dickson: Boo-ful's looking for Bob Parks and Boo-ful's getting a trifle annoyed.
Perrin: Bob just went out to get a bite to eat.
Jigger Bolton: Yeah, just a little while ago.
Maizie Dickson: Would it be any violation of your professional ethics to tell me whether or not the bite to eat looked - appetizing?
Perrin: Sure shot Mazie they calls her.
Jigger Bolton: Well, if you ask me, I wouldn't mind sitting down to a - dish of it.
Bob Parks: I have a very definite weakness for your charming sex.
Martin Collins: This newspapering is a strange business. Grocers, for instance, sell dried apples and dry goods merchants sell gingham. But, we're selling two intangible commodities: one is news and the other is public service. It's pretty hard some times to tell if a story is news or just plain snooping into people's private affairs. That's when you get disgusted. And then you go out and do something that you know is a public service. You dig up some story about a ship sinking because her owners sent her to sea without repairs and you put the guilty men in jail. Or, you do a series about conditions in the coal fields and force Congress to investigate. Somehow, it happens that every time the spell wears a bit thin, we got a fresh injection of public service and then we carry on.
Bob Parks: This is a surprise. You could knock me over with a locomotive.
Perrin: You mean to say you're yap enough to swallow that baloney about a burglar coming in, tying her and stealing her ring?
Perrin: Oh, there's a smart dame! She thinks you're just a little hick court she can play leapfrog with and make you like it! She and her boyfriend Brooks are giving you the horse laugh right now!
Bob Parks: They're both smart. They had to be smart to get away with an affair, as long as they did, in this one-horse town!
Maizie Dickson: I suppose you know that having those slugs write your stories for you is not doing you any good. You'll get canned and no descent newspaper will hire you!
Bob Parks: Hello you unwashed hyaenas.
Bruce Foster: You see, Toni's a pretty good mixer. She gets around. Make a lot of friends.
Maizie Dickson: Yeah, that does brighten things up a lot, doesn't it? Those girls with that friendly feeling.
Bruce Foster: So I've heard.
Maizie Dickson: Are you trying to make a crack!
Bruce Foster: Oh, no, no, no.
Maizie Dickson: Well, I was.
Maizie Dickson: He certainly has made monkeys out of this collection of brains and beauty.