Speak Easily (1932)

Buster Keaton: Professor Timothy Z. Post

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eleanor Espere : Tell me, Timmy. Have you ever seriously thought of marriage?

  Professor Post : Yes... that's why I'm single.

• Jenkins : Professor, if you'd only go out and find life, you'll enjoy living it.

  Professor Post : Oh, but, Jenkins, how often have I told you, that requires money. And I have saved, in 12 years, exactly $4,564.23. I'm saving that for a rainy day.

  Jenkins : Yes sir. Poor Professor Pervison said that and it rained the day they buried him.

• Eleanor Espere : I think I know what the Professor wants. Does it go something like this?

  [begins dancing] 

  Professor Post : That's something like it. Only there should be more sensuosity of the hips. Such as.

  Eleanor Espere : Oh, you mean like this! Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...

  Professor Post : Now that is authentic.

  Eleanor Espere : Uh-huh.

  Professor Post : But it would be much more effective - if you were in the nude.

  James : Professor, Professor. That's out. No nudes!

  Professor Post : But, James, it was done so in Athens.

  James : Yeah, they might get away with that in Athens. That's a college town!

• Professor Post : I have thought of getting a broadening experience. But, a person in my position can't very well afford indulgent whims.

• James : Well, how are you, Professor? For the love of Mike, how did you get here?

  Professor Post : Oh, I was vibrated here in a most unusual vehicle.

• James : Professor, to show that I'm on the level, I'm gonna tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna let you take over the show and manage it.

  Professor Post : But, I know nothing whatsoever about the, eh, show business.

  James : Well, who does? That's what makes it a great gig. It's packed full of wallops!

  Professor Post : I would be a broadening experience.

  James : You said it! Runnin' a show is one of the most broadening experiences there is.

• James : Can you swing it? I mean, you got the mazuma?

  Professor Post : The what?

  James : The sugar! I mean the kale. You know what kale is, don't ya?

  Professor Post : Yes. Kale is a vegetable resembling a cabbage.

  James : Listen, what I want to say is, have you got the cush? The copecks? The o'day? The cartwheels?

  Professor Post : Can someone tell me what he's trying to say?

• Professor Post : James, we've been waiting for you. Mr. Rayburn has seen our entertainment.

  Stage Director : I have seen your show; but, not your entertainment.

  Professor Post : Well, what does he mean?

  James : Oh, he's kiddin'.

  Stage Director : No, I'm not kidding. Professor, Broadway stands for a lot of baloney; but, it will never digest a piece of tripe like this!

• Stage Director : What about comedy?

  Professor Post : Well, we could take something from the Greeks.

  James : What Greek?

  Professor Post : Aristophanes is very humorous.

  James : I never caught his act. But, there's a million Greeks in New York. I'll take somethin' from 'em.

• Eleanor Espere : The Sunrise Supper Club. Say, I put that saloon on it's feet. Made it New York's hottest night spot. And when I first went there, it was a Speak Easy!

  Professor Post : Speak easy?

  Eleanor Espere : Yeah, Speak Easy.

  Professor Post : Speak easy? You have unconsciously committed a solipsism. You should purify the verb and say: Speak easily.

  Eleanor Espere : Speak Easily?

  Professor Post : Speak easily.

  James : It's here. It's here! It's here!

  Professor Post : Did something arrive?

  James : I'll say it has. The title for our show: Speak Easily.

• Eleanor Espere : I got legs.

  [hikes up her skirt] 

  Professor Post : I assumed as much.

  Eleanor Espere : Assume nothing! Say, get an eyeful of this!

• Eleanor Espere : Don't be sill! And I was thinking, that I would give you the key to my apartment . So, that when you felt like it you could just run up and we could - have a cup of tea?

  Professor Post : Very well. If I should ever feel the need of a cup of tea.

• Pansy Peets : She kissed you, didn't she?

  Professor Post : Oh, yes! You know, she's a very appreciated girl.

• Pansy Peets : Oh, Professor, don't you understand what she means?

  Professor Post : Oh, yes! Yes. She told me that anytime I want to come to her apartment, I could have a cup of tea.

  Pansy Peets : Oh! Well I tell you what you do, Timsy. Anytime you feel the need of a cup of tea, you come to *my* apartment.

  Pansy Peets : You know, I prefer cocoa.

• Eleanor Espere : [enters wearing a negligee]  Well, I'm back again, Timmy.

  Professor Post : You wanna take a bath?

  Eleanor Espere : [laughs]  You can crack wise, can't you.

• [last lines] 

  Professor Post : Nuts to you!

• Eleanor Espere : Timoleon! Timoleon! We've got an engagement. And you're going to have to do plenty of explaining.

  Professor Post : I am fully aware of the fact that the events of the past few minutes have not been of a strictly conventional order. Therefore I feel it necessary to clarify a situation which otherwise might be filled with doubt. This I will do through the medium of a much-quoted, but pungent phrase: "Nuts to you!"

  Eleanor Espere : Oh! Oh!

  [gasps and runs off] 

• Jenkins : Everybody's happy and excited over the drag. Will you be going, sir?

  Professor Post : Oh, no, no. I'd rather sit here and read Aristotle.

  [He turns the book right side up and then continues] 

  Professor Post : You know I'm lying, don't you?

  Jenkins : Yes, sir.

• Professor Post : Oh, what finishing school did you attend?

  Eleanor Espere : Uh, Notre Dame.

  Professor Post : Notre Dame? Notre Dame is not co-educational.

  Eleanor Espere : Uh, heh, well, I was very young, and you know...

  [she changes the subject] 

• Professor Post : [to Pansy]  You shall dance, as planned.

  Stage Director : Ohhh, it's one of those things. Well, why didn't you tell me in the first place?

• Professor Post : [after Eleanor imitates an ancient Greek dance]  Now, that is authentic.

  Eleanor Espere : Uh, huh.

  Professor Post : But it would be much more effective if you were in the nude.

  James : [Falling off the piano stool]  Professor, professor! That's out - no nudes.

  Professor Post : But, James, it was done so in Athens.

  James : Yeah, they might get away with that in Athens --- that's a college town.

• Professor Post : I didn't sleep very well myself. I have twitches

  Jenkins : Yes, that's what Prof. Ferguson told me in this very room, the night he shot himself.

  Professor Post : Shot himself?

  Jenkins : [Pointing to where Post is sitting]  Yes. In that very chair.

• Professor Post : [Describing ancient Greek dance]  That's something like it, only there should be more sinuosity of the legs.

• James : A guy goes into a second hand store and he says to the man, "Is this a second hand store?" And the man says, "Yes." Then, the guy says, "Well, give me a second hand for my watch."

  Professor Post : Was he furnish with a second hand?

  James : [to Reno]  It's too subtle. It went over his head like a trapeze act.