James Francis 'Bugs': [Pointing at a Cubist painting] You ever see anything like that before?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Not since I been off cocaine.

James Francis 'Bugs': Ay, you dumb head! I suppose you think that's a cat havin' a fit in a bucket of tomato ketchup. Well, it ain't, see. That's art! Why it's one of the finest examples of - of Fut - of Furi - of Futurism. Yeah! Why that's got, eh, eh, dynamic rhythm. Yeah, that's what it's got and tone color! But, it ain't got a nickel's worth of perspective.

James Francis 'Bugs': The toughest mug in Chicago comes out here and gets trimmed by a lot of fags with handkerchiefs up their sleeves.

James Francis 'Bugs': Yesiree. I'm a young guy that knows all the answers and got my whole life before me. Yeah, and I'm all washed up with mugs. I know I came from the gutter, but I'm steppin' right out of it. I'm gonna meet some real people, do something worthwhile, amount to somethin'!

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: When you meet these people, what are you gonna talk about? Machine guns and beer?

James Francis 'Bugs': Oh, I'll manage to talk to them all right, and they'll listen. Say, I've been readin' a lot. I've been studyin'. I ain't been wastin' my time these last months. Whattaya think I've been readin' in all them books for? Here!

[Indicating "Plato's Republic"]

James Francis 'Bugs': Greek philosphy! Pluto! Yeah, I bet you thought Pluto was a waiter. Ah, I'm just crawlin' with education. I've been readin' all them Greeks. They do plenty besides shinin' shoes and runnin' lunchrooms.

James Francis 'Bugs': Say, what's that?

Ruth Wayburn: That's a famous Siamese beauty.

James Francis 'Bugs': Where's the other one?

Ruth Wayburn: What?

James Francis 'Bugs': I always thought they was twins.

James Francis 'Bugs': I'm in love with a girl - a lady, very rich, fine family, swell education - everything that I ain't got.

Ruth Wayburn: I see.

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, anyhow, I'm a pretty tough mug myself. I came from the gutter, and I guess you can still smell it on me. The only school I went to is reform school.

Mug with Dictionary Gift: Hey, what state's California in?

Timothy 'Tim': Texas, ya' dummy.

Mug with Dictionary Gift: That's right.

Mug with Flowers Gift: Hey, Bugs, take dese while you can still smell 'em.

James Francis 'Bugs': How's for Europe? My old man come from there. He says it ain't bad.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: No. That's out. You gotta have a passport.

James Francis 'Bugs': Okay, we get ourselves one.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: You can't get a passport unless you have a receipt that you paid your income tax.

James Francis 'Bugs': Oh, yeah, I forgot. Old man income tax.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: And they call this a free country!

James Francis 'Bugs': I'm a pretty tough mug myself. I came from the gutter and I guess you can still smell it on me.

James Francis 'Bugs': Bomb 'em, steal 'em, bribe 'em, slug 'em, you name it and I dun it.

James Francis 'Bugs': I'm gonna mingle with the upper classes. I'm gonna be a gentleman!

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, it's all over boys. We're washed up.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: I know it was comin'. What'd I always tell ya? I knew it was too good to last.

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, it lasted long enough to put us in the dough! Then it ain't no more.

James Francis 'Bugs': Pipe down, will ya. You just heard the bad news. Our racket can't last much longer. I'm stepping out of it tonight and if you're smart, you'll all step out of it!

James Francis 'Bugs': That stupid flatfoot. Just one good poke!

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: No, no. Don't, Bugs!

James Francis 'Bugs': You're right, Al. I got a million and a quarter salted away and all's he got is flat feet! Let 'em laugh.

Edith Merriam: Why, honey, you could no more quit than you could stop breathing. It's your life!

James Francis 'Bugs': No? Hey, you think I like this sweat and worry, 24 hours a day? Scheme, connive, play both ends against the middle, live on the edge of a volcano that's liable to blow up any minute. I suppose you think it's fun to be spending your life waiting for some mug to spray you with a machine gun. Why, I can't go anywheres without a bodyguard. I'm always tense, coiled up like a spring, ready to duck the moment anybody flashes a rod. Every time that I step in my car, get near a window, walk around the block, every time somebody opens the door, I'm hunching shoulders, waiting for that thunder! That's how I've lived for the last 10 years - and believe me, sister, I got a bellyful.

James Francis 'Bugs': Say, I'm just crawlin' with culture. Ask me anything! What do you want to know?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: A good reason why I shouldn't get stinkin' drunk.

Edith Merriam: So the skids under me, huh?

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, it's tough.

Edith Merriam: Oh, us dames always get it sooner or later. It's like death and the taxes.

James Francis 'Bugs': I hate to do this kid. You've been a great pal.

Edith Merriam: Never mind the song and dance. Oh, I ain't sore, Bugs. You say quit - so, it's quit.

James Francis 'Bugs': Believe me, those Spaniards certainly knew their onions.

James Francis 'Bugs': Nobody ever made no sucker outta me!

James Francis 'Bugs': Say, why do we have to put on these monkey suits? Why couldn't we wear a tux?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: I keep tellin' ya. Nobody in this kind of a joint wears tuxedos at night but waiters.

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, if you're wrong, you better order yourself an ambulance.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: [after Bugs places an order for coffee in "French"] When did you learn how to talk this monkey-jabber?

James Francis 'Bugs': I used to have 10% of a French dame.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Oh, lets hop into town and pick up a couple of waitresses.

James Francis 'Bugs': I didn't come out here to hustle any waitresses. First class or none.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: They won't come near ya. They won't even give you a tumble.

James Francis 'Bugs': Yeah, they walk around us like we have the small pox. Forty-five bucks a day and they high hat ya.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Now, there's a great town, that Frisco! Wide open! Good eats! Good liquor! And just crawlin' with beautiful, friendly dames. And little Hymie gave me a couple of good addresses.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Boy, am I glad to screw out of that morgue. Three days and we don't even get a tumble.

James Francis 'Bugs': Yeah, you're right. A lot of half-witted chumps riding around on Shetland ponies, knockin' a little ball. And a lot of high hat baboons sittin' on horses - all swelled up with themselves. Won't talk to nobody! Horses!

James Francis 'Bugs': The only school I ever went to was reform school.

Ruth Wayburn: Do you mean to say that you've never proposed to a girl before?

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, up to now I got along all right without even mentioning marriage.

Ruth Wayburn: Well, it's perfectly simple. Just ask her!

James Francis 'Bugs': Oh, I'm sure to get all jazzed up. Could I, eh, could I sort of, eh, practice on you? Huh?

Ruth Wayburn: Why, eh, why yes, of course!

James Francis 'Bugs': You're a real pal, baby!

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, it's the same ole story. You take a smart guy and put him in a racket he ain't wised up to - and he's the biggest chump on earth. I ain't denyin' they took me and they done it good! I ain't even burned up at 'em for taken me. Well, not much burned up, any how. Because, if ever a guy lead with his chin and begged somebody to hang one on it, I did. All I'm sayin' is that I got in over my head and it's up to you boys to bail me out. I don't have to tell you how to operate. You know what I want and I know you're gonna give it 'em. But, be kinda careful about bumpin' anybody off! Now, you got all the dope. Now, don't forget, boys, I'm dependin' on you to see me through.

James Francis 'Bugs': If you open that puss again, I'll shove my foot in it!

James Francis 'Bugs': Now, let me slip you a load of good advice. The next time you go trim a sucker, pick some guy that's a real sucker. I have smarter people than you doin' my laundry in Chicago!

Ruth Wayburn: How could you pay back all of these losses in such a short time?

James Francis 'Bugs': A new plan of refinancin' - the Chicago plan!

Ruth Wayburn: Well, as long as you put the company on it's feet, why don't you stay out here and run it?

James Francis 'Bugs': Oh, no! Out here I'm like a mule in a horse race.

Edith Merriam: What's eatin' the Little Giant tonight?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: He's goin' outta business. How do you like that?

Frankie: Joe says they're gonna beat the can off you.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: That greaseball's gonna beat the can off of us, huh? He is, huh? I'll get the boys and...

James Francis 'Bugs': Now, just a minute. I'll take care of this. Thanks for the tip.

[Gives Frankie a bill]

James Francis 'Bugs': Here, scram and buy yourself a cigar.

Frankie: I'm practically gone, sweetheart. Much obliged for the sugar.

James Francis 'Bugs': I told you we were through and I meant it.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: You gonna sit here and let that garlic muffin give you the finger?

James Francis 'Bugs': Well, we'll blow outta town. Quick.

James Francis 'Bugs': Santa Barbara? Say, I wonder what that Santa means?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: That must be Spanish for saint.

James Francis 'Bugs': Yeah?


Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: What's eatin' you?

James Francis 'Bugs': Say, I was just thinkin' - a couple of hoodlums like us movin' in on a saint.

James Francis 'Bugs': Boy, what a layout.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Well, it ought to be. Take a squirt at that.

James Francis 'Bugs': Forty-five dollars - per day? Well, we're travelin' in fast company. Forty-five. Seven times forty, that's two-eighty

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: It's over three hundred bucks a week.

James Francis 'Bugs': Oh, it ain't the money that burns me. Say, I'll give over three hundred a week to the bellhops around here! But, I don't want them to get it in their heads that they got a yap up here!

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Have you gone screwy?

James Francis 'Bugs': They ain't gonna make a chump outta me.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: What's the matter? How many of them are they? Have they got rods?

James Francis 'Bugs': Nah, you waif, it's a skirt! And is she the McCoy.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Oh, I thought some guy had the finger on us.

James Francis 'Bugs': One quick hint at her and you can tell she's a lady. It's painted on her like a billboard.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: You want to meet her?

James Francis 'Bugs': You know her?

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: No, but I can ease over there and sort of break the ice.

James Francis 'Bugs': Wait, you mush head. You ain't on North Clark Street. You're in Society, now. You don't talk to people until you've been properly introduced.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: Ah, dames are alike all over the world.

Albert J. 'Al' Daniels: I wonder how long a guy could stay drunk if he really tried?

James Francis 'Bugs': She don't know this, you see. And there's a cinch she's gonna get the dope on me sooner or later.

James Francis 'Bugs': Say, you're one of the smartest little dames I ever run across.

James Francis 'Bugs': Baby, you sure give me a wrong steer.