Bert Keeler: Well of all the dumb guys...

Snoop: Don't worry about Corbett, she won't tip the gag, she said so.

Bert Keeler: Just the same I gotta find out who this Arlette dame is that Gordon's got signed up.

Snoop: Well whadda ya want me to do?

Bert Keeler: Go down to the ocean and pull a wave over your head!

Sally Burke: Why don't you go back and see Gordon?

Irene Foster: I will not!

Sally Burke: You *came* here to see him, didn't you?

Irene Foster: Yes, but I still have a little pride left.

Ted Burke: So's Gandhi, but he's getting awful thin.

Kitty Corbett: That's the eyes and ears of Broadway - with his nose in everybody's business.

Bert Keeler: It gives my column a homey feeling, a sort of a domestic touch.

Managing Editor: That's not Broadway. Now get this Keeler, I want the kind of stuff you get looking over transoms and peeking through keyholes.

Bert Keeler: Well, you can't always get stuff through keyholes. Sometimes the people aren't home.

Managing Editor: Then, you find out where they went and why.

Bert Keeler: Well, suppose I find them and they're doing nothing wrong?

Managing Editor: People are *always* doing something wrong - for a good reporter.

Radio Announcer: Bert Keeler, the voice of Broadway, giving you the inside dope on what's what among the who's who. Take it Bert.

Bert Keeler: Good evening, you little scandal lovers. This is Bert Keeler speaking, the Voice of Broadway, coming to you with all the late indoor sport results. And am I hot tonight!

Frances Langford: [singing] You've opened heaven's portal, Here on earth for this poor mortal, You are my lucky star...

Ted Burke: We usually eat breakfast at noon. It saves lunch. It's cheaper that way.

Bert Keeler: He wants to get in Gordon's show.

Snoop: Yeah, what do you do?

The Snorer: I snore.

Snoop: Oh, you're part of the audience.

Bob Gordon: You look older.

Irene Foster: Well, I am older. That usually happens to a girl between the ages of 16 and 22.

Bob Gordon: I'm going to Hollywood. I'm going to find a star for this show if I have to steal Garbo.

Kitty Corbett: Promise me!

Snoop: Well, I will if you'll have dinner with me tonight.

Kitty Corbett: I'll do it just for meanness.

Ted Burke: Where are you from?

Irene Foster: Albany.

Ted Burke: Albany! Hey, that's a swell town. We played there once. Were we a panic in Albany!

Sally Burke: I'll say.

Managing Editor: Say, this mademoiselle Arlette you've been spreading all over your column, do you know who she is?

Bert Keeler: Yeah. She's a five cent cigar - and a very bad smoke.

Managing Editor: Keep up the good work, my boy. I may give you a bonus.

Bert Keeler: Thanks. Looks like I'll die a rich man. If I live long enough!

Kitty Corbett: You ought to have a zipper on your mouth!

Snoop: I don't know how to play one.

Bert Keeler: All right, Mademoiselle, relax.

Snoop: [in drag] Hey, when can I get out of this harness? My feet hurt.

Bert Keeler: You look about as effeminate as Wallace Beery. Now, look Snoop, all you have to do is sit here all day and answer the phone. Now, can you talk like a dame?

Snoop: I can try.

Bert Keeler: Let's hear it.

Snoop: Buy me a Rolls Royce, Daddy.

Bert Keeler: Well, you're thinking like one anyway. But, you got to get your voice higher. Higher! Way up! Look, Snoop, if there's any soprano in you, this is the time to bring it out. Now, try it again.

Snoop: Buy me - Buy me a Rolls Royce - I can't!

Bert Keeler: Then, we're stuck. Say, maybe you better be a man.

Snoop: What do you mean maybe?

Managing Editor: Listen, your column's going strong. You're a success! People are beginning to hate the ground you walk on. Everybody in town wants to see you hit by a taxi. Think of it!

Bert Keeler: Boy, am I hot. Everybody hates me! Ain't that swell.

Bert Keeler: If you're French, I'm a Chinaman.

Irene Foster: [pretending to be "Arlette"] That is possible.

Frances Langford: [singing] Nights that promise gay tomorrows...

Frances Langford: [singing] But up or down or sad or gay, There's something in this old Broadway, That makes you tingle in and out...

Bob Gordon: [singing] You are my lucky star, I saw you from afar, You are my Shearer, Crawford, Hepburn, Harlow, and my Garbo...

Frances Langford: [singing] Broadway rhythm it's got me, Everybody dance! Broadway rhythm it's got me, Everybody dance! Out on the gay white way