Operator 14: What did you'll say the name of this cake was?

Miss Judith Buttz: Southern Comfort.

Operator 14: Yes, ma'am. Uh, tastes like Southern Comforter.

Operator 15: You know I quit my job at that bakery.

Miss Judith Buttz: Why?

Operator 15: Oh, I got sick of the dough and thought I'd go on the loaf.

[sound of Moe slapping Curly]

Operator 15: Oh!

Operator 14: [eating the cake that contains an oven mitt] How's yours taste?

Operator 15: Like a mattress.

Operator 14: Want mine?

Operator 15: I'm stuffed now.

[Curly has accidentally burned a piece of paper containing information about the Confederacy's movements]

Operator 14: Do you know what that paper was?

Operator 15: Hot?

[Moe slaps Curly]

Operator 15: Oh, my baby! What have they done with my child?

Col. Buttz: But, Mrs. Dodge, I, uh, I, we...

Operator 14: There, there. Don't worry Dixie-Lou, I'll get him.

Maj. 'Bloodhound' Filbert: Him?

Operator 14: Her.

Maj. 'Bloodhound' Filbert: Her?

Operator 14: IT!

Maj. 'Bloodhound' Filbert: Have long have you had a weak back?

Operator 12: Oh, about a week back!

Operator 15: Do you think they'll ever find him?

Operator 14: [Arrives with a bundle] Here, honey.

Operator 15: [Shudders] Where did you find it?

Operator 14: He was walking down by the railroad.

Maj. 'Bloodhound' Filbert: Alone?

Operator 14: No, I was with her.

Operator 14: By the way, Colonel, I think we ought to have about 75,000 men down here.

Col. Buttz: Oh, don't make me laugh. We've only got 19,000! Ha ha ha, oh yeah! Ha ha ha ha!

[Operator 14 writes on a piece of paper: "19,000 men."]

Operator 12: But I reckon we ought to have about 350 heavy pieces of artillery, don't you think?

Col. Buttz: Ah, that's where we've fooled 'em! We've only got 18 pieces!

[Operator 14 writes on a piece of paper: "18 big guns."]

Operator 12: Operator 12: 18 pieces? A mere handful!

Operator 15: All Union soldiers are now wearing Union underwear! Think of it!

[everyone raises their glasses in toast]

Confederate officers: Here's to the success of our cause!

Union spies: And here's to the success of OUR cause!

Operator 15: [as Mrs. Dodge] I'm a victim of circumstance. I'm going to faint.

Col. Buttz: Oh, she has fainted. Get her a glass of water.

Operator 15: No, whiskey!

Operator 14: [hearing Curly "whoo-whooing"] What's the matter? What happened?

Operator 15: I was lost! All by myself!

Operator 14: Let me see your hand.

Operator 15: [he holds out his hand, and Moe slaps him] Ow!

Union General: What happened to Operator 13?

Operator 15: He swam across the river and died of Potomac poisoning. Nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Operator 14: I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat.