The Big Broadcast of 1937 (1936)

Jack Benny: Jack Carson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Carson : I'm just a pilgrim on the path of least resistance.

• Jack Carson : Patsy!

  Patsy : Yes, Sir

  Jack Carson : Try to get hold of Frank Rossman, right away.

  Patsy : Frank Rossman?

  Jack Carson : Yeah, and get me a couple of writers and a copy of Romeo and Juliet.

  Patsy : You meant what?

  Jack Carson : I said "Romeo and Juliet". You know - the couple that made love on a balcony.

  Patsy : In a balcony? What theatre?

  Jack Carson : How do I know what theatre? Get the book and somebody to read it!

• Mrs. Platt : Try and figure this one out. What is it that hasn't got what you think it has, but if it has, how many has it got?

  Jack Carson : [repeating]  What is it that hasn't got what you think it has, but if it has, how many has it got?

  Mrs. Platt : Yes

  Mr. Platt : Gracie, you're crazy!

  Mrs. Platt : [surprised]  Yeah. Oh that's it! That's the answer! That's very good, George.

  Mr. Platt : [exhausted]  That's the answer? 'Gracie, you're crazy'?

  Mrs. Platt : Well, it must be because everybody I talk to says the same thing.

• Jack Carson : Nice girl. Talking to her is like shaking hands with an empty glove.

• Mrs. Platt : Whatever became of you?

  Jack Carson : Well, I was elected Vice President.

  Mrs. Platt : Vice President?

  Jack Carson : Yeah!

  Mrs. Platt : Now, I've heard of Vice; but, I never knew they had a President for it.

• Jack Carson : I don't like your jokes, particularly the ones you haven't told me yet.

  Schlepperman : Please, Mr. Carson, if this ain't any better than the jokes I told you before, you can have my permission to throw me right out of your office.

  Jack Carson : Thanks. You can have my guarantee I'll do it.

• Jack Carson : How would you like to go to dinner and be served with a tomato juice cocktail, tomato bouillon, tomato salad, and nice rolled stuffed tomato?

• Jack Carson : I'm going to talk to her tonight, while breaking in my new rhumba.

• Patsy : Oh, Mr. Carson, I got a terrific gag for one of your programs. Oh, it's marvelous!

  Jack Carson : That's nice. I doubt it.

  Patsy : Oh, you'll laugh at this one. It's brand new. You see, I say, "I had a terrible time last night with Amos." Oh, this is marvelous. You say, "Amos who?" And I say...

  Jack Carson : Amos Quito.

  Patsy : Yeah!

  [laughs hysterically] 

• Jack Carson : You practically took the words out of my mouth.

  Mrs. Platt : Yeah, well, if I put 'em back, what have you got?

• Jack Carson : Will you have a bite?

  Gwen Holmes : Ah, no thank you.

  Jack Carson : It's an apple.

  Gwen Holmes : Yes, I know.

• Jack Carson : I'm paying no bills to keep no dame in no cold storage vault.

• Jack Carson : There must be something we can talk about. But, don't get discouraged. I'll eventually think of something. I always do.

• Jack Carson : Well, I guess what Sherman said about love is right.

  Gwen Holmes : He said that about war, didn't he?

  Jack Carson : Th same thing.

• Jack Carson : If there's any room behind the 8 ball, move over.

• Jack Carson : I chided her for all this cheap publicity, then I made love to her.

• Gwen Holmes : What kind of a girl do people think I am?

  Jack Carson : I'd say you were a good girl - in the worst sense of the word.

• Jack Carson : Where do *I* think she's hiding? How do I know. Look in haystack. She might be visiting a needle.

• Jack Carson : I'm sorry, but, Miss Holmes is unable to oblige. She was just taken over by galloping hysterics.

• [last lines] 

  Jack Carson : You have just heard the Big Broadcast of 1937 - which came to you through the courtesy of Providence, Paramount, and Platt's Golf Balls.