[last lines]

Dave: Gosh, all the fighting and worrying people do, it always seems to be about one thing. They don't seem to trust each other. Well, I've found this out. Don't look for trouble where there isn't any, because if you don't find it, you'll make it. Just believe in someone.

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: You're a fool, for which I am grateful.

Linda: Well, after all, Van, she is an uncommonly good-looking girl. I don't know of anyone in our crowd who's as attractive, and people aren't willing to believe that looks go with brains.

Van: Well, one of the smallest troubles we've ever had, Linda, is caring what other people think.

Mimi: My dear, men are like that. So honorable and able and wise in some things and just like naughty children in others. You wouldn't blame a little boy for stealing a piece of candy if left alone in a room with a whole boxful, would you?

Van: There's an old Chinese proverb that says if you want to keep a man honest, never call him a liar.

Van: I can't do any more, Whitey. I'm all fagged out.

Van: Who won the fight?

Simpson: Rosenblaum. In the third round.

Van: He did? I owe Finny a night off.

Simpson: Well with your night off and my three dollars, Finny should do quite well.

Van: You too? Maybe we should get rid of Finny.

[kisses Linda while her eyes are closed]

Van: Guess who!

Linda: Hmm... Simpson?

Van: No!

[kisses her again]

Van: Try again!

Linda: Finny.

Van: No!

[kisses her again]

Van: Try again!

Linda: I give up.

[opens her eyes as they laugh and embrace]

Linda: Oh! It's a husband!

[after Linda finds a bracelet hidden in her trout]

Van: Don't start asking me to go whale fishing.

Linda: The world's divided into two kinds of people: those who believe that bow tie ends should be sticking out, and those who don't. Personally, I'm very tolerant, ask anybody. But anyone who believes a bow tie end should stick out should be deported from this country.

Simpson: Did you tell Mr. Stanhope that Finney is waiting with the car?

Ellen: Yes. But, she's sitting on his lap and he hasn't even touched his trout!

Simpson: Whether Mr. Stanhope touches his trout or not is no concern of yours.

Van: They're not going to get very far trying to sell a two dollar jar of cold cream in a five cent magazine.

Mimi: I haven't been one to give you much advice in the past, have I dear?

Linda: You've been an absolutely model mother-in-law, Mimi.

Mimi: All right, then I'm going to give you some now. Get rid of that secretary of Van's.

Linda: Miss Wilson? Van couldn't live without her.

Mimi: I hope not with her.

Mimi: You know, my dear, I've seen much more of the world than you have - and more of the Stanhope men. Van is very like his father. Warm-hearted. Impulsive. Active. And temptation ought not to be put in their way.

Linda: Mimi, darling, all Van's life is spent with attractive women. Not only Miss Wilson, but the girls who model dresses, the lovely actresses who's pictures he runs.

Mimi: I see your point of view, dear, and it's all very modern and noble. Nevertheless, I advise you to get rid of Miss Wilson!

Linda: Never. She's as important to him downtown as I am to him uptown.

Van: Happy?

Linda: I don't know. You've never shown me anything else.

Van: I'm sorry, boys. I got some work to do.

Mr. Bakewell: Come on, Frawley. We've been thrown out of better offices.

Frawley: Where they had better scotch!

Van: You gals certainly stick together. You know, you'd rather see Whitey promoted than to see me comfortable.

Linda: It's really my own comfort I'm thinking of. Do you know that I sat next to a young lady tonight that didn't know I was Mrs. Stanhope and was convinced that Whitey was one of *those* secretaries.

Van: What? Did somebody say that?

Party Guest with Herbert: [looking laciviously at Whitey as she dances past him] Gentlemen, I fear that even I could give that little lady dictation.

Van: You know, it's amazing how a man can twist logic to suit his own ends.

Van: Me? I haven't done that in years. That's work!

Van: What's to prevent me from thinking about you *all* day?

Linda: Wild horses?

Van: Say, that Ellen's a cute dish.

Van: Is it still wet?

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Yes, it is.

Van: No! I don't think so. No, it must be dry by now. No, it's still wet.

Van: Ladies and Gentlemen, I thank you for a very interesting and stimulating afternoon.

[repeated line]

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Yes, V.S.

[repeated line]

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: No, V.S.

Edna Wilson: What's that?

Tom Wilson: Nothing. I said nothing.

Edna Wilson: No. Say it a little louder, dear, and stop hinting. All you have to do to get a divorce in this family is just say the word.

Tom Wilson: I know. For the last 10 years I've been trying to find that word.

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: This is his idea of wearing the pants in the family.

Dave: If and when you ever trick me into marrying you, dear, *I'll* wear the pants.

Linda: I'm the best, aren't I?

Van: You're the top!

Linda: The only best, always?

J.D. Underwood: Van, I've got a brand new kind of a steam cabinet some fellow in Belgium invented and I tell you I'm like a kid with a toy.

Van: You know, I haven't had a good steam bath in a year.

J.D. Underwood: Van, enough beatin' about the bush. What are you tryin' to put over on me?

Van: J.D., did anybody ever put anything over on you in your entire life?

J.D. Underwood: Well, you're not far wrong.

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Ah, show it to me now, Dave.

J.D. Underwood: Well, you're a clever young gamecock, Van, but I'm not so old a bird that I'm afraid to stay in the pit with you.

Van: Whitey, you're good at this!

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Thanks, V.S.

J.D. Underwood: You have to admit its an idea.

Van: Why, it's flabbergasting!

J.D. Underwood: Well, it takes an old flabbergaster like me, to make you smart youngsters know that you haven't got all the ideas in the world.

Van: [singing] Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag, And smile, smile, smile, While you've a lucifer to light your fag, Smile, boys, that's the style, Oh what's the use of worrying? It never was worth while...

Van: What'd you want?

Linda: Oh, nothing.

Van: Come on, now. What was it you wanted to tell me?

Linda: It's too late. I won't talk now.

Van: Well, probably wasn't anything important.

Linda: Well, you're not going to get it out of me that way.

Van: Well, what'd you want to tell me?

Linda: Oh, the mood's gone. It's all different now.

Van: Oh, it is, huh? The mood's gone? Eh? The mood's gone, eh? It is? Mmm-hmm.

[kisses Linda on the lips]

Van: You know, the first time you bid three spades tonight, I am definitely going to break that lovely little neck of yours.

[kisses Linda's neck]

Mrs. Anne Barker: Our butcher sends us the most inconsiderate chickens. We never have chicken livers like this!

Linda: Who's that with him?

Party Guest: His *"secretary"*.

Linda: He's married, isn't he?

Party Guest: So is my husband. But is secretary's 40 if she's a day.

Linda: Please give her the promotion.

Van: Well, I certainly wouldn't give it to her for that reason - because someone thinks something smutty.

Van: Are you going out?

Linda: Yes, I have an appointment at the hair dressers at nine-thirty.

Van: It's rather early for you, isn't it?

Linda: Well, hair dressers are very arrogant, you know. You have to take what you can get.

Linda: Oh, Mimi, you were so right. Oh, I'm so unhappy.

Mimi: The secretary.

Linda: Yes!

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Look, crack the whip. Are you game?

Van: Certainly!

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Oh, what fun. You know, next year I'd like to surprise them and do some figure skating.

Dave: Yeah, your figure was doing all right.

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: What do you mean?

Dave: It went over pretty big with Stanhope, didn't it?

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: Darling, you're kidding, aren't you?

Dave: I told you once that knowin' millionaires like him spoiled you.

Van: Whitey, you're a modern Mata Hari!

Van: Whitey, tonight we let loose.

Van: You probably think I'm drunk, don't you?

Helen 'Whitey' Wilson: No.

Van: Well, you should; because, I am.