Block-Heads (1938)

Oliver Hardy: Ollie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stan : What's a knick-knack?

  Oliver : Oh a knick-knack is a thing that sits on top of a whatnot.

• Oliver : What's the news this morning?

  James, porter : [looking at a newspaper]  I was reading about a fella that stayed in the trenches for 20 years after the war and didn't know it was over.

  Oliver : [laughs]  Well, how in the world could anyone be so stupid.

  James, porter : I don't know. Here's his picture

  [shows Hardy the paper] 

  Oliver : [looking at a photo of the grinning soldier]  I can't imagine anybody being that dumb!

  [realizes the grinning soldier is Stan; does a massive take and grabs the paper back from James; looks directly into the camera] 

  Oliver : Oh, yes I can!

• Stan : You remember how dumb I used to be?

  Oliver : Yeah?

  Stan : Well, I'm better now.

• Oliver : But, Dear, I haven't seen Stan in 20 years.

  Mrs. Hardy : I couldn't see him in a hundred years.

• Oliver : [Ollie's house key, attached to his pants, is stuck in the lock, so to free Ollie, he had to remove his pants; Stan easily removes the key from the lock]  Why didn't you tell me you had the key out of the lock?

  Stan : Well, you didn't ask me.

  Oliver : "You didn't ask me".

  Stan : Gee, that's pretty underwear.

  Oliver : Don't get personal.

• Stan : Do you think your wife would mind if I smoked my pipe?

  Oliver : Of course not. What's all right with me is okay with her.

  Stan : I know, but a lot of dames are particular.

  Oliver : Well yes, but... What do you mean calling my wife a dame?

• Oliver : Ha ha ha! Come see my grandfather. My grandfather left. He said, "Hello, sugar!"

• Oliver : Lulu, I haven't seen you in ages. You remember Stan, don't you?

  Lulu : How could I ever forget him.

  Oliver : I just met him today. You know, I haven't seen him in 20 years.

  Stan : No, you see, everybody thought I was dead. Didn't they?

  Oliver : Umm-hmm.

  Lulu : How did you find out you weren't?

  Stan : Well, I figured that - well, I saw my picture in the paper.

• Stan : [Mrs Gilbert is hiding inside a trunk in Ollie's living room, and Stan tries to explain why everyone's acting nervous]  Well, y'see, he's got a girl in the trunk and he didn't want his wife to know.

  Oliver : [incensed]  What did you tell him that for?

  Stan : Well, he asked me.

  Mr. Gilbert : [delighted with Ollie's apparent infidelity]  While the wife's away the rats will play! What do you want to bring 'em into your own home for? Dat's ridiculous. Why don't you come with me some time. I know where there's a whole bunch of blondes! Say, listen, why do you think I go to Borneo all the time!

• Oliver : [running into the apartment from the hallway]  It's my wife! You've got to hide!

  Mrs. 'Toots' Gilbert : Oh, I can explain.

  Oliver : Not in my pajamas you can't explain; you don't *know* my wife!

• Stan : How long did you say it would take us to get up there?

  Oliver : Oh, just a jiffy.

  Stan : How far is a jiffy?

  Oliver : About three shakes of a dead lamb's tail.

  Stan : I didn't think it was so far.

• Oliver : Why didn't you tell me you had two legs?

  Stan : Well, you didn't ask me... I've always had 'em...

  Oliver : [sarcastically]  You're better now...

• Oliver : But, Toots, Stan is different.

  Mrs. Hardy : I'll say he's different! And don't call me Toots!

• Oliver : I wonder if I could have an extra dollar with my allowance today?

  Mrs. Hardy : Oliver, isn't seventy-five cents a day enough for you?

• Oliver : She's one of the finest little women that ever lived.

  Stan : Don't tell me.

  Oliver : And can she cook.

  Stan : Can she?

  Oliver : Can she! You just wait till you put your legs under that table - eh, pardon me, you just wait till you put your leg under that table and put your teeth into one of those big, thick juicy steaks, covered with mushrooms, and those hot biscuits, oozing with molten butter. And those seven layer chocolate cakes swimming in whipped cream.

  Stan : Any beans?

• Oliver : Who do you think you're talking to?

  Finn - Man on Stairs : I'm talking to you! You big, overstuffed pollywog!

  Oliver : You smile when you call me that.

• Finn - Man on Stairs : Apologize? Ha! For what?

  Oliver : For calling me an overstuffed pollywog! No man living can call me an overstuffed pollywog and get away with it!

  Finn - Man on Stairs : All right. All right, you're not an overstuffed pollywog.

  Oliver : Well, that's better.

  Finn - Man on Stairs : You're an inflated blimp!

• Lieutenant in Trench : Private Laurel, you stay here and guard this post until relieved from duty.

  Stan : [to Ollie]  Gee, I wish I was going with you. Take care of yourself, won't you.

  Oliver : Don't worry about me, Stan. I'll be back. We'll *all* be back. So long, pal.

  [all the soldiers except Stan charge out of the trench] 

• Oliver : [in apartment 1313]  Were the eggs done enough this morning, dear? Is there anything else, dear? I almost burned my finger on the bacon this morning.

  [Mrs. Hardy sighs] 

  Oliver : Light of my love, you've got something on your mind. You can't fool your baby Oliver.

• Oliver : Dear, you're so sweet - and I'm such a cad.

  Mrs. Hardy : No you're not.

  Oliver : We'll do anything your little heart desires. We'll have a nice quiet dinner. Then, after that, we'll sit and hold hands and I'll whisper sweet little nothings in your ear.

• Oliver : I won't even say good bye, my precious little fig newton. I'll just say, pardon me for one hour.

  Mrs. Hardy : And make that hour short!

• Stan : How'd you know I was here?

  Oliver : I saw your picture in the paper!

  Stan : Did you?

  Oliver : Yeah!

  Stan : How'd I look?

  Oliver : Well, you haven't changed a bit!

  Stan : Huh! Neither've you, too. You know, if I hadn't of seen ya, I never would've known ya.

• Oliver : You know, I got married.

  Stan : You don't tell me!

  Oliver : Yeah.

  Stan : Who'd you marry? Fifi?

  Oliver : No. No.

  Stan : Eh, Lulu?

  Oliver : No. No.

  Stan : Camille?

  Oliver : No.

  Stan : I know, Fanny.

  Oliver : No. No. You wouldn't know her. She's a local girl.

• Oliver : I want you to remember, from now on, my home is your home.

  Stan : Thank you, Ollie.

• Oliver : Oh, darling! Oh, sugar! I want you to meet my buddy.

  Mrs. Hardy : Don't sugar me! And how often have I told you not to bring your tramp friends around here!

  Oliver : Oh, but, dear, I haven't seen Stan in 20 years.

  Mrs. Hardy : I couldn't see him in a 100 years.

  Oliver : On, now, dear, this is no time for levity. I've been telling him how wonderful you could cook.

  Mrs. Hardy : Oh, you have!

  Stan : Yeah, why don't you fix one of those nice, big juicy steaks, you know, and the seven layer chocolate...

  Mrs. Hardy : Who put that bee in your bonnet?

  Stan : [points to Ollie]  He did.

• Oliver : Any time I want something done right, I *always* have to do it myself.

  [walks in the kitchen and the gas stove explodes] 

• Oliver : Never mind, I'll do it myself.

  Stan : That's right. Whenever you want anything done right, always do it yourself.