Bachelor Mother (1939)

David Niven: David Merlin

Photos 

3 more photos

Quotes 

• David Merlin : So how do you like her?

  Louise King : [Thinking Polly speaks only Swedish.]  Pretty good for a fill-in. I'd just as soon go stag.

  Polly : You could, too, with those shoulders.

• Freddie : [to J.B]  Mr. Merlin, I'll tell you that I know what I'm talkin' about. Your son put me up to this and he's the father!

  David Merlin : Dad, this is the truth; he's the father.

  [points to Jerome] 

  Jerome Weiss : I'm not the father.

  J.B. Merlin : I don't care who the father is, I'm the grandfather!

• David Merlin : Of course he talks! Why, he can recite the first line of Gunga Din!

• David Merlin : [Reads from a book on raising children, telling Polly how to feed the baby.]  After the food is prepared, the mother will, A, get a spoon.

  Polly : Wonderful! How'd he ever think of that?

  David Merlin : Now please, don't be so smart. Just do as he says - get a spoon.

  Polly : [She holds up the spoon she had been using to feed the baby.]  Spoon!

  David Merlin : B, take a spoonful of the food and place it upon a piece of gauze... piece of gauze?

  Polly : What for?

  David Merlin : Uh, please, just do as he says. It's quite possible that man with 20 years experience might know what he's talking about.

  [Polly gets a piece of gauze.] 

  David Merlin : Piece of gauze.

  Polly : [She puts the baby food from the spoon onto the gauze.]  Next?

  David Merlin : Gently rub into the navel.

  [Both look incredulous.] 

  Polly : Whaaat?

  David Merlin : [Checks books; speaks matter-of-factly.]  Gently rub into the navel.

  Polly : Well, that's ridiculous.

  David Merlin : No, it isn't. It's probably to get the child's stomach accustomed to the temperature of the food. I think it's very logical.

  Polly : My, I've never heard of such a thing.

  David Merlin : And in the future, all children are going to be brought up like this - scientifically.

  Polly : Here, let me look at this.

  [She takes the book from David.] 

  David Merlin : Oh, I read very well; I've been doing it for years.

  Polly : I read a little too.

  [She flips back a page.] 

  Polly : Take a spoonful of food...

  [Flips page.] 

  Polly : ... and place on a piece of gauze and gently rub... into... the

  [Voice trails off.] 

  Polly : Hmm-huh.

  David Merlin : [Smugly.]  You read very well

  Polly : Well, I don't care what it says; I don't believe it.

  David Merlin : Oh, please. Don't tell me you know more about it than a man with 20 years' experience and a printed book on the subject.

  Polly : Well, I'm certainly not going to rub any oatmeal into this baby's navel. Who does this ...

  [Baby cries; Polly looks at the baby.] 

  Polly : Yeesss.

  [Polly looks back at the book.] 

  Polly : Who does this doctor Eagleman, Eaglefoot, or whatever his name is think he is...

  [She discovers two pages are stuck together; gives David a look of disgust.] 

  David Merlin : [Contritely.]  Oh. Oh, what do you know about that.

  Polly : [Looks up from book and smirks at David.]  Hmph.

  [Looks back to book and reads.] 

  Polly : To relieve gas from a child's stomach, take a spoonful of warm oil and ...

  [Turns page.] 

  Polly : ... place on a piece of gauze and gently rub into the navel.

  David Merlin : Heh-heh. I think it's very funny.

  Polly : It certainly is. I suppose if it had said "Hang baby by neck", you'd have thought it very scientific. I'll feed the baby my own way.

• David Merlin : You're so interested in politics, I think you ought to investigate the police force in Scarsdale.

  J.B. Merlin : Why?

  David Merlin : Well, any motorcycle cop who can afford to turn down a hundred dollar bribe, must be in some crooked racket. Don't you think?

• David Merlin : And when you go home tonight, you'll get your Christmas present.

• J.B. Merlin : Did you sleep in jail?

  David Merlin : No! No, I didn't sleep at all. I had to wait for the court to open.

• J.B. Merlin : David, you can't keep up at the pace you're going. You'll crack up. Out every night with women and things.

  David Merlin : And things?

  J.B. Merlin : Well, you know what I mean.

• David Merlin : [sees Polly hoofin' it on the dance floor]  So, that's the modern generation for you. 20th Century motherhood! Throws her baby in somebody else's house and runs out to do that!

• David Merlin : You danced, now, pay the - fiddler man. You have an obligation to that child, fulfill it!

• Polly : Do you know how to get a baby to sleep on it's stomach? You turn it on its stomach, and then you go to bed. And the baby turns over and starts to cry. And then you get up, and you turn the baby on its stomach, and you got back to bed. And the baby starts to cry. And then you get up and turn the baby on its stomach, and pretty soon it's nine o'clock, and you're winding ducks.

  David Merlin : Don't any mothers sleep?

  Polly : I'm beginning to think they don't.

  David Merlin : Well, there can't be very much to it. After all, everyone here was a baby once, and they got through it all right.

  Polly : Thanks. I'll think of that.

  David Merlin : Oh, it's just a pose that all mothers put on that it's so difficult to raise a child. I saw through that when I was six years old. Good luck.

• Polly : I'd love to go with you, but, I can't leave the baby alone.

  David Merlin : Oh, the baby - you don't have to devote your whole life to the baby.

  Polly : You told me to.

• Waiter : Good evening, Mr. Merlin. Your party's right over there.

  David Merlin : Oh, yes.

  Polly : Oh, don't leave me. I won't know how to talk to these people.

  David Merlin : Just say no to the men. The girls probably won't talk to you anyway.

• Polly : I haven't anything in common with them. I won't know what to say.

  David Merlin : I'll take care of that. It suits me fine. These men are half-man and half-wolf, if you know what I mean.

  Polly : Yes, I know what you mean. That tall one's cute.

  David Merlin : He's the worst of the lot; he's all wolf.

• David Merlin : I've got a surprise for you - we're going to be married tonight.

  Polly : And you still think I'm the mother of that baby?

  David Merlin : Of course.

  [They hug.] 

  Polly : Ha-ha.

• Polly : [David, disguised in hat, glasses, and top coat pulled up around his neck, comes up to Polly's counter.]  Hello, Mr. Merlin. I never would have recognized you. Why the, eh, ...

  [Looks David up and down.] 

  Polly : ... disguise?

  David Merlin : I'm gonna show you that I can get this duck exchanged without anyone knowing me.

  Polly : Fine.

  David Merlin : Would you mind stepping over to the exchange department with me?

  Polly : Not at all.

  [Turns toward co-worker who is on a step-stool stocking the shelf.] 

  Polly : Mary, would you look after these for me? This gentleman wants to exchange something.

  Mary : Ha-ha.

• David Merlin : [Referring to the Donald Duck toy he'd just broken.]  It's inferior merchandise, that's all. Where'd you get it?

  Polly : John B. Merlin...

  [Glances away from baby toward David.] 

  Polly : ... and son.

  David Merlin : Well, it doesn't matter; it's still inferior. I'll just get it exchanged tomorrow.

  Polly : Ha-ha.

  David Merlin : What is the ha-ha for?

  Polly : Oh, nothing. Just "ha-ha".

  David Merlin : What is wrong with our exchange department?

  Polly : They don't exchange anything.