Jeff Surrett: You see, I make $100,000 a year one way or another. Frankly, I don't need that much money. So naturally, I'd be willing to make a deal with anybody that would, uh, well, sort of see things my way. Make a mighty good deal for both of us.
Wade Hatton: You mean a little friendly bribery, huh?
Jeff Surrett: Well, you can catch more flies with molasses than you can with vinegar.
Dr. Irving: I tell you, Ellen, we're the public disgrace of America. You know what the New York newspapers are saying? There's no law west of Chicago... and west of Dodge City, no God!
Tex Baird: Hey, Wade! You ain't gonna keep me in here, are you?
Wade Hatton: I'm sorry, Tex, you read that notice the same as anyone else. Three days in there won't do you a bit of harm.
Tex Baird: Ah, but you can't do this to me after all we have been through together. We fought the war together, built a railroad together. We ate, drank, slept, lived and died together.
Wade Hatton: And now we're going to be in jail together. You in there and me out here.
Col. Dodge: Ladies and gentlemen, today a great chapter of history has been written. And we take justifiable pride in bringing this railroad to the terminal furthest in this country. Someday, and I believe in the near future, a great city will spring from this very spot upon which we now stand. A city which will represent all that the West stands for: honesty, courage, morality and culture. For all the noble virtues of civilization, I can see a great metropolis of homes, churches, schools; a fine, decent city which will become the flower of the prairie.
[Abbie laughs at Wade after he falls in the newspaper office]
Wade Hatton: You know, there's an old saying in the British Army: "The law must always save its face in front of the natives."
Abbie Irving: And what if the natives object to its face?
Wade Hatton: We just put them across our knee... and spank them! Soundly!
Abbie Irving: You're not suggesting that I'm a native?
Wade Hatton: No. The only real native of Kansas is the buffalo. He's got a very hard head, a very uncertain temper and a very lonely future. Apart from that there's hardly any comparison between you.
Abbie Irving: What's wrong with my working here?
Wade Hatton: Well, it's undignified, it's unladylike. More than that, you oughta be home, doing needlework, things like that.
Abbie Irving: Sewing buttons on for some man I suppose?
Wade Hatton: Well, buttons come off. Someone's gotta sew 'em on.
Abbie Irving: A fine career for an intelligent woman!
[Wade throws one of Surrett's men out of the barbershop]
Wade Hatton: About ten days for this customer, Tex. Five to cool off and five to think it over.
Title Card: Dodge City, Kansas - 1872. Longhorn cattle center of the world and wide-open Babylon of the American frontier - packed with settlers, thieves and gunmen.
Title Card: Dodge City... rolling in wealth from the great Texas trail-herds... the town that knew no ethics but cash and killing.
Jeff Surrett: Come on over and wet your whistle.
Tex Baird: Come-a-ki-yi-yippy, Yippy-yippy-yippy-ya, Come-a-ki-yi-yippy-yippy-ya...
Tex Baird: So that's what a steam engine looks like: a coffeepot on wheels.
Col. Dodge: Gentlemen, that's a symbol of America's future: progress. Iron men and iron horses.
Wade Hatton: I got a call to make down here, so you're on your own. Now, just try and keep sober and stay out of trouble. Will you?
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: Well, Wade, you know I signed the temperance pledge before we left Texas.
Wade Hatton: Why sure, Rusty, I know that. And I know you were blind drunk when you signed it.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: Oh, no, you're confusing the issue. I'm a re-formed man.
Wade Hatton: Well, even a reformed man can get into trouble when the boys get paid off.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: No, no! I ain't gonna touch a drop. I'm just gonna mosey around and - take in the sights.
Wade Hatton: Well, look out you don't become one of them.
Abbie Irving: Tex! Tex, have you seen my brother?
Tex Baird: Yes'm. He's over yonder somewheres hotfootin' it around. He swiped one of the boss's horses and I reckon he sure is drunk again.
Abbie Irving: I consider that a very impertinent remark.
Tex Baird: Yes'm, I guess maybe I shouldn't have said he's drunk - even if he is drunk.
Cattle Auctioneer: All right, gentlemen, let's begin the auction. One thousand six hundred and nineteen head of prime Texas steer. Grass-fed, fat, frisky, fresh off the Chisholm Trail.
Wade Hatton: I prefer to make my deal with cash buyers who don't pay off in the back rooms of saloons.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: You crazy galoot!
Jeff Surrett: If it wan't for the Gay Lady, all that nice money would go out of Dodge City and the trade would move right on to Wichita.
Joe Clemens: Your men just wrecked the Gay Lady saloon!
Wade Hatton: Gentlemen, I certainly appreciate your confidence in me. But I'm afraid a position like that isn't quite in my line. You're asking me to turn policeman. Now, I have about as much qualifications for that as I have teaching the ballet.
Ruby Gilman: [singing] My man and I lived all alone, In a little log hut we called our own, He loved gin and I love rum, I'll tell you had we lots of fun, Ha, ha, ha, you and me, Little brown jug, don't I love thee...
Wade Hatton: Well, gentlemen, what's this all about? You all look as though you lost a dollar and found a dime.
Tex Baird: I just don't fit in a sissy town like this.
Tex Baird: So long, knot head. If I hung around here much longer, I'd be riding a side saddle.
Jeff Surrett: Naturally, I'd be willing to make a deal with anybody that would, well, sort of see things my way. Make a mighty good deal for both of us.
Wade Hatton: You mean, a little friendly bribery, huh?
Jeff Surrett: Well, you can catch more flies with molasses than you can with vinegar.
Wade Hatton: True enough. Well, I hope you'll not be offended, Surrett; but, I don't like the smell of your molasses.
Tex Baird: This is more like it. The last time I saw a mob like that was back in Texas when they gave Curley Hawks a necktie party.
Abbie Irving: Did you want something?
Wade Hatton: Yes. I'd like to have my curiosity satisfied. What are you doing here?
Abbie Irving: Well, obviously, I'm working.
Wade Hatton: Obviously. But at what and why?
Abbie Irving: Because the town happens to be growing by leaps and bounds, and the paper needed somebody who would write things that would interest its women readers.
Wade Hatton: Oh, I see. Tell me, what are the vital interests of your women readers?
Abbie Irving: What other women are wearing. How to make Lady Baltimore cake with two eggs. Who invited the minister to tea. And whose baby is going to be born and when!
Wade Hatton: [sarcastically] Fascinating.
Wade Hatton: See that big herd of buffalo grazing away so peacefully down there? You know, the trouble with the buffalo is they had things too easy at the start. It works the other way around, too, you know. Take us, for example. We had such a bad beginning, that we're bound to have a wonderful future.
Abbie Irving: That's typical Irish logic: totally unconnected.
Wade Hatton: Thirty years ago, my father met my mother at the Londonderry fair. He'd come down to sell some prize pigs. Big, fat, lovely pigs they were. And mother was down there after winning the grand prize for her roses. Roses of Sharon, enormous, big things, as big as your face and nearly as beautiful. I don't suppose there were ever roses like that in the whole length and breadth of Ireland. Well, what must happen? The very last day of the fair, father's pigs get out and eat up every single one of mother's prize roses. Root, stem, flower and all. Now, did any two people ever get off to a worse start than that? Look at them now: six big lusty sons, a score or so of prize pigs, and the most beautiful rose garden in the whole of Antrim.
Wade Hatton: The buffalo wouldn't be so badly off if the buffalo didn't have a one-track mind. But then the buffalo wouldn't be a buffalo, would it?
Abbie Irving: I suppose not.
Wade Hatton: You wouldn't be you unless you thought you might like that kiss.
Abbie Irving: You seem very sure of my reactions.
Wade Hatton: Oh, no. That's something you can never be sure about until you've tried it.
Wade Hatton: Can you?
Joe Clemens: A good newspaperman has two jobs. One is to write the news as it happens, day by day. And the other is to be ready for it, and write it first - all but the end.
Abbie Irving: I think we'd better be getting back. I'm afraid it'll be dark before we get there.
Wade Hatton: Are you sure it's the dark you're afraid of?
Abbie Irving: What do you mean?
Wade Hatton: Maybe you're afraid I might kiss you.
Abbie Irving: You wouldn't dare.
Wade Hatton: Oh, now, I wish I were as sure of that as you are.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: Little fella sure was aces.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: Ha, ha! So the lamb killed the butcher!
Wade Hatton: You can get plenty of men for that job out here, Colonel. I'm getting married next week. Got tickets for New York.
Algernon 'Rusty' Hart: Oh, shucks, you can get married anytime. We'll even go on your honeymoon with you to Virginia City.
Wade Hatton: Oh, thanks.
Tex Baird: Gettin' married has ruined a lot of good men.