Doctor: Pardon me Mr.Katona? Precisely what position do you hold with Matuschek and Company?

Pepi Katona: Well, I would describe myself as a contact man. I keep contact between Matuschek and Company and the customers... on a bicycle.

Doctor: You mean, an errand boy?

Pepi Katona: Doctor, did I call you a pill-peddler?

Hugo Matuschek: [after Miss Novak sells one of the musical cigarette boxes] Well, what do you say now?

Alfred Kralik: I think people who like to smoke candy and listen to cigarettes will love it.

Alfred Kralik: [asking Pirovitch about cost of living for married couple] Suppose a fellow gets an apartment with three rooms. Dining room, bedroom, living room.

Pirovitch: What do you need three rooms for? You live in the bedroom.

Alfred Kralik: Where do you eat?

Pirovitch: In the kitchen. You get a nice big kitchen.

Alfred Kralik: Where do you entertain?

Pirovitch: Entertain? What are you, an embassador? Who do you want to entertain? Listen listen, if someone is really your friend, he comes after dinner.

Alfred Kralik: There might be a lot we don't know about each other. You know, people seldom go to the trouble of scratching the surface of things to find the inner truth.

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well I really wouldn't care to scratch your surface, Mr. Kralik, because I know exactly what I'd find. Instead of a heart, a hand-bag. Instead of a soul, a suitcase. And instead of an intellect, a cigarette lighter... which doesn't work.

Pepi Katona: [leaving Mr.Matuschek's room in hospital] Well Doctor, I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?

Doctor: It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.

Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?

Woman Customer: How much is that belt in the window, the one that says "2.95?"

Alfred Kralik: $2.95

Woman Customer: Oh, no!

[walks away]

Alfred Kralik: Pirovitch, did you ever get a bonus?

Pirovitch: Yes, once.

Alfred Kralik: Yeah. The boss hands you the envelope. You wonder how much is in it, and you don't want to open it. As long as the envelope's closed, you're a millionaire.

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): All my knowledge came from books, and I'd just finished a novel about a glamorous French actress from the Comedie Francaise. That's the theater in France. When she wanted to arouse a man's interest, she treated him like a dog.

Alfred Kralik: Yes, well, you treated me like a dog.

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Yes, but instead of licking my hand, you barked.

Alfred Kralik: Flora, take a letter. Ah... To whom it may concern. Mr. Vadas has been in the employ of Matuschek & Company for the last two years, during which he has been very efficient as a stool pigeon, a troublemaker, and a rat.

Ferenc Vadas: Now look here!

Alfred Kralik: And if he doesn't clear out of here he's going to get a punch in the nose! Yours very truly, Alfred Kralik, Manager, Matuschek & Company.

[Alfred Kralik has just disclosed to Klara Novak that he is her anonymous pen pal]

Alfred Kralik: Are you disappointed?

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Psychologically, I'm very confused... But personally, I don't feel bad at all.

Alfred Kralik: Now if I were a girl and had to choose between a young good-for-nothing with plenty of hair and a good, solid, mature citizen, I'd pick Mathias Popkin every time.

Pirovitch: [to Alfred Kralek] He

[Mr. Matuschek]

Pirovitch: picks on me, too. The other day he called me an idiot. What could I do? I said, "Yes, Mr. Matuschek. I'm an idiot." I'm no fool!

[Alfred Kralik has just been called into his supervisor's office]

Alfred Kralik: Yes, Mr. Matuschek

Hugo Matuschek: Eh, close the door. Kralik, why did you put me in that situation, in front of the whole shop?

Alfred Kralik: Well, I'm very sorry, sir... but it was not my fault.

Hugo Matuschek: Well whose fault was it? Mine?

Alfred Kralik: Well... yes.

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): [In her letter to Alfred] : Oh, my Dear Friend, my heart was trembling as I walked into the post office, and there you were, lying in Box 237. I took you out of your envelope and read you, read you right there.

Pirovitch: [spying through the café window] There is a cup of coffee on the table. She's taking a piece of cake. Kralik, she's dunking!

Alfred Kralik: Can you see her?

Pirovitch: Yes.

Alfred Kralik: Is she pretty?

Pirovitch: Very pretty.

Alfred Kralik: She is, huh?

Pirovitch: I should say, she looks... she has a little of the coloring of Klara.

Alfred Kralik: Klara, Miss Novak of the shop?

Pirovitch: Now, Kralik, you must admit Klara is a very good looking girl, and personally I've always found her a very likable girl.

Alfred Kralik: Well this is a fine time to talk about Miss Novak.

Pirovitch: Well, if you don't like Miss Novak, I can tell you right now you won't like that girl.

Alfred Kralik: Why?

Pirovitch: Because it is Miss Novak.

Hugo Matuschek: It took me a whole hour to decide that I like this box.

Hugo Matuschek: Don't let me influence you. I want your opinion, your honest opinion.

Alfred Kralik: But I have troubles of my own without your blouse coming between Mr. Matuschek and me.

Alfred Kralik: Well, after a while we got on the subject of love. Naturally on a very cultural level.

Pirovitch: Well, what else can you do in a letter?

Klara Novak (Miss Novak): I don't want you to love me.

Alfred Kralik: I don't