Humphrey Bogart: [after an effort at being tough has no effect whatsoever on S.K. Sakall] Hey, I must be losing my touch! I hope my movie fans don't hear about this!

Marty: Now, don't be impatient! Dr. Kirby will be here in a few minutes.

Eddie Cantor: Dr. Kirby? Listen -

[sitting up]

Marty: [pushing him back on gurney] Down!

Eddie Cantor: You don't understand!

[sitting up]

Fred: [pushing him back on gurney] Down!

Eddie Cantor: This is all a mistake!

[sitting up]

Fred: [pushing him back on gurney] Down!

Eddie Cantor: [flailing his legs and sobbing] Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh!

Nurse Hamilton: [as all three hold down his legs] And don't kick!

Eddie Cantor: [sitting up] I always kick on the fourth down.

John Garfield: Let's just do it the way we did in rehearsals.

Eddie Cantor: But you'll be hiding my face!

John Garfield: [Shoves him against the wall] Is that bad?

John Garfield: Let's talk about my salary.

Eddie Cantor: Oh, let's not argue about that! How much do you want?

John Garfield: Five thousand bucks.

Eddie Cantor: Let's argue.

Eddie Cantor: Dinah, Please tell them that I'm Cantor and I'll double your salary.

Dinah Shore: I don't know who you are, but if you'll double my salary, you're certainly not Cantor!

Farnsworth: What Dr. Schlenna is trying to say is that we are using motion picture names exclusively...

Eddie Cantor: 'Motion pi-'! I've been a picture star for years! Wouldn't you call *me* a name?

Farnsworth: Oh, definitely - but not the kind I can put in lights.

Dr. Kirby: Ah, my favorite scalpel. Who's the patient?

Nurse Hamilton: Eddie Cantor.

Dr. Kirby: Ha-ha-ha-ha! Start the anesthetic.

Eddie Cantor: How about it, soldier? Show the little lady all the homes of the movie stars?

Sailor: I'm sorry, Mac. I got an hour. I gotta get back to my ship.

Eddie Cantor: What better way can you spend your last hour than a nice bus ride.

Sailor: [Arm in arm with a beautiful blonde] Are you kidding?

Eddie Cantor: Why don't you want me? Why?

Farnsworth: Well, Mr. Cantor, to be brutally frank, you have the reputation of taking over everything you participate in.

Dr. Schlenna: Farnsworth, I got you into this complication, and it's up to me to make a mess out of it.

Eddie Cantor: An Indian comes up to me and says it's tough for us Indians. I said, "You don't like it here, why don't you go back where you came from?"

Nurse Hamilton: [regarding Cantor] According to his pulse, he's been dead for 43 weeks.

Farnsworth: [On the phone, posing as a fictitious Southern reporter for a non-existent newspaper] Mr. Cantor, sir, this is Colonel Robert E. Jefferson of the Montgomery Post Gazette. What we all down here wants, from you all up there, is the complete story of your life, sir... Now, you begin right at the beginning, sir, and don't omit any of the details, no matter how boring they may be, sir. Yes, sir.

Eddie Cantor: Fine! Well, Colonel, my ancestors crossed the Plains in the first covered wagon. If you ever saw my ancestors, you'd understand *why* the wagon was covered - huh, huh, huh!... Don't print that!

Angelo the Barber: [Joe Simpson is in Angelo's barber chair, with a giant picture of Eddie Cantor nearby for reference] Joe, I hate' a to do a thing like this to a nice fella like you!

[speaks heatedly, thrusting his scissors at Cantor's picture]

Angelo the Barber: In all my life, I no see such a face!

Eddie Cantor: [rolls eyes] He is repulsive isn't he but, do your best.

Angelo the Barber: Don't you worry, when I finish you gonna look'a repulsive just like him!

Assistant Chef: What about the roast beef?

Chef: Forget the roast beef, we've got to watch the ham!