- Casanova Brown: A man's not capable of taking care of a baby according to the courts. He can build bridges, he can fly around the world, he can be president and run the whole United States, but taking care of a child is too much for him! For that you've got to be a woman. Any woman!
- J.J. Ferris: If the poor can get any satisfaction out of being proud, well, why not? It costs nothing.
- Expectant Father: This is a maternity hospital, brother. If they had nine watches, they wouldn't tell a father what time it was.
- J.J. Ferris: Leave it with me and rest assured I will handle it with all the tact and delicacy of a crooked diplomat.
- Isabel Drury: Everybody's a stranger to a newborn baby. Don't you understand? She doesn't know anybody.
- Casanova Brown: As for my character. I believe I behave responsibly. I'm not overly susceptible to girls.
- Casanova Brown: I think you got exactly what you deserved for being a shameless, unmitigated scoundrel.
- J.J. Ferris: I suppose so. But it was a bitter disappointment just the same.
- J.J. Ferris: [inside the Church] Where's the sucker?
- Mrs. Ferris: Oh, John! I do wish you wouldn't refer to him in that way! Supposing someone heard. What would they think?
- J.J. Ferris: [unfazed] Where's the sucker?
- Casanova Brown: [dreamily] Her eyes were like burned, charred embers in a field of snow.
- J.J. Ferris: Big face, eh?
- J.J. Ferris: [discussing his wife] I used to dream of outliving her. Just sit it out, as it were. But along came Madge. And then her sister. And now that odious child.
- Mrs. Drury: [on hearing her new son-in-law's name] Casanova!
- Mr. Drury: Is this an Italian fellow?
- Mrs. Drury: A historical character, Father.
- [pause]
- Mrs. Drury: Rather fast.
- J.J. Ferris: [after blithly telling his daughter the groom isn't coming] What do you all say we catch a movie tonight?
- Casanova Brown: It is my baby, isn't it?
- Isabel Drury: Technically, yes.
- Casanova Brown: What's the idea of giving my technical baby away?
- Mr. Drury: Is this the same fellow that was marrying all the rest of them?
- J.J. Ferris: He's in a nuptial rut.
- J.J. Ferris: What was she like?
- Casanova Brown: Have you ever seen the sun come up at dawn?
- J.J. Ferris: I have. It nauseated me.