Father Fitzgibbons: I'm sure that the way to say what I'd like to say will occur to me after you've gone.

Father Fitzgibbons: A golf course is nothing but a poolroom moved outdoors.

Father Fitzgibbons: ...And I gave him my blessing

Father Chuck O'Malley: And he gave you the bird?

Father Fitzgibbons: I gave them both my blessing.

Father Chuck O'Malley: And they gave you the bird.

Father Fitzgibbons: Yeah.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Hail, Alma Mater, thy time-honored halls shall echo with our praise till we die; and round our hearts are the ivy-covered walls of East St. Louis High.

Ted Haines Sr.: Son, never loan money to a church. As soon as you start to close in on them, everybody thinks you're a heel.

Ted Haines Jr.: Well, aren't you?

Ted Haines Sr.: Yeah.

Ted Haines Jr.: He wants to tear down the church and make a parking lot out of it. Can you imagine it? He's a very disliked man. I'm sort of following in his footsteps.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Junior, hmm?

Ted Haines Jr.: Yeah.

Ted Haines Sr.: Where have you been the last two weeks?

Ted Haines Jr.: Well, dad, I've been in a blue heaven dancing on a pink cloud. She came in on a moonbeam.

Ted Haines Sr.: That's a lie. I had you followed.

Ted Haines Jr.: That wasn't cricket, dad. When you were my age, I didn't follow you around.

Father Chuck O'Malley: [to Father Fitzgibbons as he goes to chip a golf shot out of a sand trap] Keep your head down now, father. And watch your language.

Father Fitzgibbons: Hope? You know, Chuck, when you're young, it's easy to keep the fires of hope burning bright. But at my age, you're lucky if the pilot light doesn't go out.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Here, take this.

[Gives a spoonful of medicine to Father Fitzgibbon]

Father Chuck O'Malley: That'll keep the pilot light burning.

Father Fitzgibbons: Yes, it ought to. Tastes like it has kerosene in it.

Father Fitzgibbons: Well, did you make your parish calls.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Oh, yes. Mrs. McGonigle's rheumatism is kicking up again. I told her to bury a potato in the back yard.

Father Fitzgibbons: That's for warts.

Father Chuck O'Malley: That's what she said.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Poor young Ted has been wounded in Africa.

Father Fitzgibbons: Ah, too bad.

Father Chuck O'Malley: They're shipping him home.

Father Fitzgibbons: Fine, upstanding young fellow. Maybe they'll decorate him.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Nnnno, I doubt it. Some friend of his ran over him in a jeep.

Father Fitzgibbons: You know how to manage these old fussbudgets. Take him out on the golf course. Bring him out in the fresh air.

Father Chuck O'Malley: Mr. Haines is going to give us a mortgage to take care of the difference.

Ted Haines Sr.: That's right, father. He convinced me I have a heart. And, after all, it wouldn't be a church without a mortgage.

Father Fitzgibbons: That's right. That's right.