Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Raymond Walburn: Mayor Everett J. Noble

Quotes 

• Mayor Everett D. Noble : This problem is not local, it's national. In a few years, if the war goes on - heaven forbid - you won't be able to swing a cat without knocking down a couple of heroes. Now... are we going to be governed by young men - very young men - however well-meaning or patriotic they may be - whose principal talent consists of hopping in and out of wolfholes...

  Political Boss : Foxholes.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : Huh?

  Political Boss : They're called foxholes.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : ...talent consists of hopping in and out of foxholes and killing hundreds of enemies with one swoop of the sword. Or... are we going to be governed by respectable civic leaders of mature age who do not seek the appointment, but accept it as a civic duty. I refer to men like... uh, well... myself.

• Political Boss : [telling the mayor that Woodrow will be a write-in candidate]  You can take it from me. This is a free country. They can vote for anybody they like.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : But, that's disgraceful!

  Political Boss : I know it, but that's how it is - and the way it is, it don't look so good.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : You mean he actually has a chance?

  Political Boss : A chance? Did you ever see a snowslide?

• Mayor Everett D. Noble : [dictating his acceptance speech to his son, Forrest]  I accept the responsibility with a sense of both humility, satisfaction and gratitude.

  Forrest Noble : You can't say "both humility, satisfaction and gratitude". "Both" means two, and you have "humility, satisfaction and gratitude". That's three.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : I can't say it.

  Forrest Noble : You can not.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : I've been saying it for years.

  Forrest Noble : Well, it isn't correct grammar.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : I'm not running on a platform of correct grammar.

• Mrs. Noble : [to her son, Forrest, answering Libby's desire not to tell Woodrow that she's become engaged to Forrest]  Why under similar circumstances I'd be perfectly willing to pretend I wasn't married to your father for several weeks even.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : You can make it for several months as far as I'm concerned. Heh!

• Mrs. Noble : Everett, I just have a feeling you're going to make an ass of yourself and I'm just going to pretend I don't know you.

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : I wish you didn't have to pretend!

• Mayor Everett D. Noble : She forgets her lines 'til rigor mortis sets in!

• Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : You'd better save your hoorays for somebody else, for somebody who deserves them, like Doc Bissell here, who's tried for so long to serve you, only you didn't know a good man when you saw one, so you always elected a phony instead...

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : Oh, I am, am I? Well, let me tell you something, young man! You'll find out!

  Mrs. Noble : Everett, you're making a spectacle of yourself!

  Mayor Everett D. Noble : [brushing off Mrs. Noble]  Will you kindly!

  Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith : ...until a still bigger phony came along, then you naturally wanted him. This should have been the happiest day of my life. It could have been. Instead, it's the bitterest. It says in the Bible, "my cup runneth over". Well, my cup runneth over... with gall. This is the last act. The farce is over. The lying is finished, and the coward is at least cured of his fear.