Joe Huggett: If I'd have gone to my old Dad and told him I'd lost 19 quid, he'd have tanned the hide off of me!

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: I'm goin' to my sister Daisy's and you can get one of your fancy women to come and queue and clean and cook for you... if you think I'm going on slaving my fingers to the bone while you go chuckin' yer money away like the man who broke the bank at Monte Christo, you've got another thing coming.

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Joe, I wonder when we was last on our own like this, you and me.

Joe Huggett: I could tell you when - it was on our honeymoon.

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Oooh - that was a lovely afternoon!

Joe Huggett: D'you remember, we took a thruppenny bus and walked right over the golf links to the waterworks.

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Ah - let's go there again one day.

Joe Huggett: We will - the next Saturday after we get home we'll go!

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Oooh - not that Saturday, dear - that's the Saturday you're whitewashing the kitchen. It'll have to be the Saturday after.

Joe Huggett: Well I can't do that one - it's my darts match at the Legion.

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Oh. Oh well, we'll go one day.

Joe Huggett: Yeah. One day we really will.

Joe Huggett: [the baby is a mess] You might look after 'im Mother.

Mrs. Ethel Huggett: Well I 'aven't got eight eyes like an octy-puss.