Fred Ghenoccio: I've been waiting for something like this!

William Sylvester Packett: What do you mean?

Fred Ghenoccio: I know you society swells wandering around the passages at night. Sneaking into strange bedrooms.

William Sylvester Packett: Don't be a fool. Julia's my wife.

Fred Ghenoccio: She may be your wife, but she's my fiancée!

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: All I want is my 6950 francs.

Fred Ghenoccio: 6900 francs?

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: And 50. There's no reason now why I should pay for a nightgown.

Fred Ghenoccio: 6950 francs? What kind of a nightgown was this?

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Very thin.

Ritchie Lorgan: The organist always kisses the bride, its an old Welsh custom, you know, handed down from father to son. Excuse me.

Fred Ghenoccio: Where's my mother?

Julia Packett: She's in the bar drinking her breakfast!

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: There are only two kinds of men: those who admit they like women, and liars.

Susan Packett: [Walking through the forest] Look at that tree. How bent it is!

Ritchie Lorgan: Oh, there is a reason for that.

Susan Packett: Oh, really?

Ritchie Lorgan: Oh, yes. You see, that's a boy tree and he's eyeing the girl tree. And he's saying, 'You're so beautiful with your lovely green hair and your nice brown bark skin.' You know what she is saying to him?

Susan Packett: [Coyly laughs] No, tell me, Ritchie.

Ritchie Lorgan: She's saying, 'That won't do you any good at all. I have a heart of wood and, besides, I'm madly in love with the golden oak in the next forest.'

Susan Packett: [Shyly] Let's not pry into it deeper. How about that tree?

Ritchie Lorgan: No, that's just a spruce. I can't understand a word he's saying.

Susan Packett: [laughs] Oh, Ritchie, you're such a fool. I'd almost forgotten how much fun you were.

Ritchie Lorgan: Yes, I'm just like wool underwear.

Ritchie Lorgan: Susan, I want to wish you every happiness. That's very important to me because you're the only girl I have ever loved. Oh, but I've got no right to tell you that. Forgive me.

Susan Packett: There's nothing to forgive.

Ritchie Lorgan: You're very kind. But as soon as the wedding is over, I'll pack up my traps and get out.

Susan Packett: Where to?

Ritchie Lorgan: [Feigning seriousness] Oh, I don't know. Some of the wide open spaces beyond the behind. Probably the Congo. They call that "white man's grave."

Susan Packett: They do? Why?

Ritchie Lorgan: Oh, berry berry... black water fever... rinderpest.

Susan Packett: Rinderpest? Why, I thought that was a cattle disease.

Ritchie Lorgan: Yes. Men die like cattle.

Julia Packett: Oh, William, you've improved! Ohhh, yes, you've lost that gangly look.

William Sylvester Packett: Oh, well, I didn't know I ever had it.

Julia Packett: Oh, not any more. Hmm, distinguished. Quite handsome. Very dangerous.

William Sylvester Packett: My, dear Julia, you're being most, eh...

Julia Packett: Well, aren't you going to tell me how I look?

Julia Packett: Panties! Black panties. Every young girl feels so grown up and sophisticated wearing black panties.

Fred Ghenoccio: Where's my mother?

Julia Packett: In the bar, drinking her breakfast. And I hope you fall off your trapeze.

William Sylvester Packett: Without a net.

Benny Hawkins: Julia, let me have a look at the stuff.

Julia Packett: [Behind a locked door] Well you can't, I'm in the nude.

Benny Hawkins: Well, get out of the nude.

Julia Packett: Oh, for the love of Mike!

William Sylvester Packett: Look here, Ritchie, when I engaged you to paint these murals, you had definite instructions. You made some changes.

Ritchie Lorgan: Well, for the better, I hope so. What do you think of this one, sir: Agamemnon beating Psyche at table tennis?

Mrs. Packett: William, don't be seen in public with her. You might meet some of our friends.

William Sylvester Packett: Mother, she's no longer a 17-year old chorus girl. She won't turn up in tights.

Julia Packett: Oh, say, I bet if you took me in your arms you'd be just about crush me to death.

Julia Packett: Well, you must be a riot with the women!

Fred Ghenoccio: Oh, we always went pretty big with the men, too! It takes all sorts to make an audience, you know.

William Sylvester Packett: Happy hunting, Bunny!

Mrs. Packett: And remember, William, you're a man and she's only a woman.

Julia Packett: Don't you love Christmas! Even if you have to celebrate it in the middle of August?

Julia Packett: Oh, William, don't be subtle. Tell Julia...

Julia Packett: You're certainly in a gay mood!

William Sylvester Packett: Worry never solved a problem yet! Never trouble trouble, 'til trouble troubles you.

Fred Ghenoccio: What were you doin' in a lingerie shop?

Julia Packett: I was buying a negligee.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: And a nightgown.

Fred Ghenoccio: What did you need a nightgown for?

Julia Packett: I didn't need a nightgown! I never wear nightgowns!

[pause]

Julia Packett: I wear pajamas.

Fred Ghenoccio: You'll never see me again! And I was going to make a Ghenoccio out of you! Hmm!

Julia Packett: Didn't you hear me, Benjie?

Benny Hawkins: Oh, so that's what you're up to? Well go ahead and kill yourself. Meanwhile, I'll kill Louise.

Louise: Honestly, Benjie. I thought she meant it.

Julia Packett: Now, huh, I'm not gonna let you pay off my creditors with your money. I wouldn't dream of it.

Benny Hawkins: I never said I would.

Benny Hawkins: Let me in. Let me have a look at the stuff.

Julia Packett: Well, you can't. I'm in the nude.

Benny Hawkins: Well, get out of the nude. They want 35 pounds. That's a lot of money.

Julia Packett: Here we are. Blue sea. Romance in the air. In fact, the only thing that's missing is the moon.

Fred Ghenoccio: I've got no use for it meself. Moonlight keeps people out of the theater - lovers and such.

William Sylvester Packett: After all these years, how am I going to explain to my friends the sudden appearance of a wife?

Julia Packett: Don't tell them I'm your wife.

William Sylvester Packett: What?

Julia Packett: Tell them you picked me up in Paris in a bar... in a good bar. I was waiting tables and I was a Maharaja.

William Sylvester Packett: Oh, be reasonable.

Julia Packett: Oh, very well, then it was a cheap bar.

Julia Packett: I was very happy, William. You came to me and said, "Julia, I don't love you anymore. I think it's better if we separated." After all, William, that's the truth. Nobody has to be ashamed of the truth.

William Sylvester Packett: That's very cruel.

Julia Packett: I thought so when you said it. But you wanted to get rid of me, so I went. But this time I'm staying until after the wedding.

Fred Ghenoccio: That's the spirit. No use crying over spilled milk.

William Sylvester Packett: No, and it's a poor heart that never rejoices.

Fred Ghenoccio: Well, I must say, you're taking it very well.

William Sylvester Packett: After all, he travels fastest who travels alone. To say nothing of a stitch in time saves nine.

Julia Packett: Well, what's that got to do with it?

William Sylvester Packett: Nothing. It just occurred to me.

William Sylvester Packett: Julia can explain everything. Come on and sit down and tell 'em dear.

Julia Packett: Well, of course.

William Sylvester Packett: Come on.

Julia Packett: You know, sometimes the uh, the most complicated thing has the... the simplest explanation, and then after the explanation, why the complicated thing becomes a very simple thing.

William Sylvester Packett: Yeah, yeah, sure. I told you she could explain it.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Yeah, a little clearer explanation'd be most welcome to me.

Fred Ghenoccio: You mean you didn't know her and you talked to her?

Julia Packett: Well he talked to me just as much as I did to him.

William Sylvester Packett: Don't be stuffy, Fred. She talks to strange men all over the world.

Fred Ghenoccio: Well, I don't like it and I never will.

Julia Packett: Oh, Freddy, in a casino everybody talks to everybody else.

Fred Ghenoccio: Casino? You were gamblin'?

Julia Packett: Oh, well, just a few francs. You couldn't exactly call it gambling.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Yes, and after she'd lost every franc of her own...

Fred Ghenoccio: Lost ever franc?

William Sylvester Packett: She loves roulette, Fred. Now, if she ever gets blue, give her a few thousand francs and send her off to the nearest casino. It's, uh, better than a new hat.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Yes, yes. Well, I'm not concerned with your financial arrangements, but mine.

Julia Packett: Leave me your address and I'll send you the money you gave me.

Fred Ghenoccio: You took money from a strange man?

Julia Packett: Not... not a... not exactly.

Fred Ghenoccio: Well, you either took money or you didn't.

William Sylvester Packett: Freddy, think nothing of it. To Julia, money's of no importance. As fast as she gets it, she tosses it away. That's her charm.

Fred Ghenoccio: Well, it don't charm me.

William Sylvester Packett: I'm sure, sir, she would have repaid you immediately; but, well, she probably lost it just as fast as you gave it to her.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: But I didn't give her money in the casino. I gave it to her in the lingerie shop.

Fred Ghenoccio: The lingerie shop? What were you doing in a lingerie shop?

Julia Packett: Freddy, I'll explain all of this to you later.

William Sylvester Packett: If you will just give her time enough, Julia can explain anything.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Yes, well, it's taken me two days to find her and hear her explanation now.

Fred Ghenoccio: What were you doing in a lingerie shop?

Julia Packett: I was buying a negligee.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: And a nightgown.

Fred Ghenoccio: What did you need a nightgown for?

Julia Packett: I didn't need a nightgown. I never wear a nightgown. I... I wear pajamas.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Yes, well the man who brought her here ran away with all her clothes.

Fred Ghenoccio: A man brought you here? Another man?

Julia Packett: Freddy, believe me, there was nothing to the whole thing.

Fred Ghenoccio: A man brought you to this city and to you that's nothing.

Julia Packett: Oh, Freddy, you got me so upset I don't now what I'm saying.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Well, all I want is my 6950 francs.

Fred Ghenoccio: 6900 francs?

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: And 50. There's no reason now why I should pay for her nightgown.

Fred Ghenoccio: 6900 and 50 francs? What kind of a nightgown was this?

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Very thin.

William Sylvester Packett: Oh, I don't believe a word of it. As well as I know Julia, I still do not believe a word of it.

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Well, I've got a hundred witnesses who saw her flirt with me in the casino, pick me up in the bar, lure me into a lingerie shop, and then sneak out the back entrance.

William Sylvester Packett: You cad!

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: What, sir?

Julia Packett: You make it sound perfectly horrible, and certainly, if I'd known you were going to act like this, I wouldn't have spoken to you in the first place.

William Sylvester Packett: There, there, now dear. You let me handle this.

William Sylvester Packett: Are you sure you didn't say something or suggest something that might have offended her?

Col. Bruce 'Bunny' Willowbrook: Suggest something? When she told me she got nowhere to sleep, I offered her my hotel suite.

Fred Ghenoccio: Your hotel suite?

Julia Packett: I wasn't going there, Freddy. That's why I was going out the back door.

Fred Ghenoccio: Suppose there had been no back door?

William Sylvester Packett: Freddy, all shops have a back door.

Julia Packett: I couldn't even have come out here for the wedding if I hadn't been given the money by a very dear gentleman friend of mine in London.

Fred Ghenoccio: Another man? In London. All over the world you've got men.

William Sylvester Packett: That's a shocking way to talk to Julia. Have you no confidence? No faith?

Fred Ghenoccio: Where there's smoke, there's fire.

William Sylvester Packett: Well, if you've a nasty, suspicious nature and suspect everything she does, then all I can say is she's too good for you. If you can't appreciate a woman as wonderful as Julia, then I think the best thing for you to do is... well, I think you better get out of here right away.

Julia Packett: Will you let me handle this? Fred... if... if you... uh, uh... oh get out of here right away.

Fred Ghenoccio: Gladly. You'll never see me again. And I was going to make a Ghenoccio out of you... huh!