I Was a Male War Bride (1949)

Cary Grant: Captain Henri Rochard

Photos 

Quotes 

• Capt. Henri Rochard : My name is Rochard. You'll think I'm a bride but actually I'm a husband. There'll be a moment or two of confusion but, if we all keep our heads, everything will be fine.

• Capt. Henri Rochard : Well, on the contrary, the process of turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated, but I'll do my best.

• Soldier : You're not Mrs. Rochard!

  Capt. Henri Rochard : I'm MISTER Rochard.

  Soldier : Well, it's your WIFE who must report here for transportation to Bremerhaven.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : According to the War Department, I AM my wife.

  Soldier : You can't be your wife!

  Capt. Henri Rochard : If the American army says that I CAN be my wife, who am I to dispute them?

• Capt. Henri Rochard : Go to sleep.

  Lt. Catherine Gates : What, with you in the room?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Well, I can't rub you from the hallway.

• Sergeant : Any female trouble?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Nothing but, Sergeant.

• Capt. Henri Rochard : I am an alien spouse of female military personnel en route to the United States under public law 271 of the Congress.

• Lt. Catherine Gates : [humiliated after Capt. Rochard publicly returns her laundry in an insinuating manner]  Oh, what a stinker YOU are.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : [cooly]  Did I forget something?

  Lt. Catherine Gates : What a dirty stinker - and you're going right back in that office and explain to them how you got my laundry by mistake in Dusseldorf and forgot to give it back to me.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Well, it's such a dull story. Who would care?

  Lt. Catherine Gates : You know what you made them think?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : [feigning innocence]  I don't quite understa... Oh, no! You mean you and ME? Well, I'd be glad to explain to them. The very idea of any connection is revolting.

  Lt. Catherine Gates : No, you don't. No, you don't. Never mind. Just forget it.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : But I'd be delighted. I'll explain to them I think you're repulsive.

• Lt. Catherine Gates : I wonder what the army'd do if I deserted?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : They'd shoot you. The thought makes my mouth water.

• Capt. Henri Rochard : You from Brooklyn?

  Sentry : Yonkers.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : What are those?

• Lt. Catherine Gates : [Rochard is holding a baby for a stranger. His wife and Kitty walk up, both laughing]  Ah, Henri, you look so maternal!

  Lt. Kitty Lawrence : What is that?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : A human fire extinguisher. You wanna try it?

  Lt. Kitty Lawrence : Oh, come on.

  [takes baby andfrowns at its prodigious wetness] 

  Lt. Catherine Gates : Aww, he's cute. What's his name?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Niagara.

  Lt. Kitty Lawrence : [shaking hand dry]  Henri, what a thing to do.

  Lt. Catherine Gates : Where's the mother?

  Capt. Henri Rochard : She went to get *more* water.

  Lt. Kitty Lawrence : She ought to get a plumber!

• Lt. Catherine Gates : Henry, we're dead.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Well, this is a fine wedding night.

• Capt. Henri Rochard : That, uh, linguist in there - I think he's stuck on you. What's the matter with him?

  Lt. Catherine Gates : It's only natural that you wouldn't understand, Henri.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : It certainly is.

  Lt. Catherine Gates : You see, you chase after anything in skirts - anything; they're all the same to you. But lots of men can tell them apart. Believe me - sometimes they find one they like better than the others.

  Capt. Henri Rochard : Hmm.

  Lt. Catherine Gates : That's called love. You probably haven't experienced it, but you must have read about it somewhere.