Judge Silas Standish: Public service is a fine thing, Clarrie, but you can't cuddle up to it on a cold winter's night.
Clarissa Standish: Mayor Standish of Wenonah, Maine - the Pine Tree state.
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: Uh, where is his honor?
Clarissa Standish: Mayor Clarissa Standish.
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: Oh, yes, of course. Yes, we've reserved a room for Mayor Standish.
Clarissa Standish: Thank you! How much?
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: A very attractive room.
Clarissa Standish: Yes, but how much?
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: $15 a day.
Clarissa Standish: Well, I'm sure it's a very beautiful room, but you see, I'm traveling at the taxpayer's expense.
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: Oh, well in that case, I can give you a lovely suite for 45... uh, with a view of Alcatraz.
Clarissa Standish: If I spend over $7 a day I shall be in Alcatraz.
Mark Mont Desk Clerk: Yes, your honor, $7.
Clarissa Standish: Well, we're not here to play, we're here to work. That's what you said over the television.
Steve Fisk: I was just making a speech.
Clarissa Standish: But you said you didn't know anything about making speeches.
Steve Fisk: That's the way you make a speech.
Clarissa Standish: Oh. Oh, I see.
Steve Fisk: A meeting will be called for 8 o'clock tonight.
Clarissa Standish: Oh, thank you. And under the circumstances, I think it should be held in some place other than your room. You understand.
Steve Fisk: It will be held in a public room.
Clarissa Standish: Fine!. Where?
Steve Fisk: I haven't found said public room, but when I have found said public room, you will be duly notified of said address, under said parliamentary procedures, said time is precisely 8 o'clock.
Clarissa Standish: Well said your honor.
Steve Fisk: You said it!
Steve Fisk: Well, I'm sorry gentlemen, but I'm afraid the ladies will have to go to the theater without you tonight. Mayor Standish insists that I call our committee into session immediately. She demands that we get right down to work.
Clarissa Standish: Uh... well if everybody has theater tickets, uh... well after all, nobody works the first day at a convention anyway.
Steve Fisk: Uh, that's what I said. You said...
Clarissa Standish: Well, when I suggested that we get together tonight, I didn't realize that the honorable gentlemen would have their honorable wives with them.
Undetermined Minor Role: [Mrs. Butler] Well!
Clarissa Standish: Oh no, I don't mean that their wives are honorable, I... well, I mean that... uh, when one's wife is along, uh one is not as free at night as when one is without one's wife.
[couples exchange looks]
Clarissa Standish: Well, for us to get together, that is... Well, you see, tonight I was prepared to put some important motions before the gentlemen. Uh... make, uh, several propositions... Uh, shall we dance?
Steve Fisk: By all means.
Clarissa Standish: I'm sorry I hit your finger.
Steve Fisk: You said that before...
Clarissa Standish: Yes, but I really am sorry. And what's more, I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself because I'd like to do it again. You know, there's something about you, Mayor Fisk, that brings out the very worst in me.
Liza, Silas' housekeeper: Don't worry, Judge, there won't be any gossip. I've got something on everybody in this town.
Les Taggart: The newspapers like to smell pork and it's your bacon that's burning.
Clarissa Standish: You have brains but on your brawn they're so becoming.
Clarissa Standish: You've seen the last of me, Mayor Fisk. I'd rather be an old maid all the rest of my life than the wife... than the wife of a man who would... Why you'd beat your wife, I know you would. You're just the type.
Clarissa Standish: [Steve Fisk has two dozen roses delivered to Clarissa's breakfast table, an ice-carved blue duck and a hangover special. She is flustered] I'll have two dozen poached eggs and a cup of coffee, please.
Waiter: Uh, did you say two...
Clarissa Standish: Yes, I have the same breakfast every morning.
Maitre d': You mean...
Clarissa Standish: Yes, I mean exactly what I say, and please hurry. I'm hungry.
S.F. Cop - Costume Party Arrest: [Steve Fisk and Clarissa Standish are dressed as little kids, waiting for a taxi to go a costume ball] What's this guy tryin' to do?
Clarissa Standish: The big man wanted me to ride with him in a taxi. And he pinched me too.
Steve Fisk: I did not pinch you.
S.F. Cop - Costume Party Arrest: Well, I'm gonna pinch you.
Francis - Newspaper Photographer: Some people are born with a nose for the news. You can always tell a good newspaperman by the way he smells.
Steve Fisk: I proposed to YOU? All I said I was, 'You don't wanna marry a guy like me' and you said, 'Ohhh yes, I do.' I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut!
Steve Fisk: And that's why we mayors are here at this convention - to get things done. We're here to work. We're servants of the people. We're not here to play. We're paid to get things done.
Fire Chief Duggan: Standish, now what is your problem?
Clarissa Standish: Well, you see, my city has empowered me to purchase a pumper, but I want all the facts first.
Fire Chief Duggan: Yeah, well, that depends on the facts about your city.
Clarissa Standish: Well, you see, our Wenonah summers are getting drier and drier, and we're completely surrounded by woods, and, well, fires break out spontaneously.