Lucy's Doctor from Jamestown: Hello, Mr. Ricardo. I'm the man who brought your wife into the world!
Ricky Ricardo: I don't know whether to thank you or punch you in the nose!
Ricky Ricardo: I don't like that tone. You are thinking again.
Lucy Ricardo: There's no law about me going to Romanov's. Perhaps maybe stopping by your table and...
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, if I so much as see your face at Romanov's, I'm gonna wrap you up in brown paper and mail you back to New York. And that's an ultimatum.
Ethel Mertz: An ultimatum? I'm not surprised.
Lucy Ricardo: I am. I didn't think he knew how to pronounce it.
Lucy Ricardo: [a large woman has just sat on Lucy] Madam, it doesn't seem to be getting through to you, but this seat is taken.
Ricky Ricardo: [sees pancakes on his plate] Hey! Tortillas!
Lucy Ricardo: [sarcastically] Yeah. I made them out of Aunt Jemima Tortilla Mix.
Ricky Ricardo: Oh, I keep forgetting here in America you call them Flap Cakes.
Lucy Ricardo: Come again?
Ricky Ricardo: Hot Jacks?
Lucy Ricardo: You were closer with tortillas. They are Hot Cakes!
Ricky Ricardo: Oh!
Ricky Ricardo: No, these are Cold Cakes.
Lucy Ricardo: I made a funny?
Ricky Ricardo: Did Ricky give you a tough day?
Lucy Ricardo: No, just the same as any other day: after breakfast, I put on his snow suit. I pull on his galoshes. I slip on his mittens. I walk him to the park. He chases the pigeons. I chase after him. He runs after the squirrels. I run after him. He get's on the swing. I push the swing. We go on the teeter-totter. He teeters, I totter. Then we leave the park and we walk home. I pull off his galoshes. I pull off his mittens. I pull off his snow suit. I tell him to go into his room and play with his teddy bear. And that is why you find me sitting here with my coat and my boots on.
Ricky Ricardo: Whew! I'm worn out from just listening.
Lucy Ricardo: Ricky, I'd like you to meet my second first husband.
Lucy Ricardo: Ever since we said "I do", there have been so many things that we don't.
[Lucy is feigning amnesia]
Lucy Ricardo: My mother told me never to talk to strange men... whoever she is.
[Lucy is dressed as Lucille McGillicuddy, after tasting homemade salad dressing]
Lucy Ricardo: What's Aunt Martha trying to do, poison me?
Fred Mertz: [working in a diner] Adam and Eve on a raft. Wreck'em!
Ethel Mertz: All Fred's taste is in his mouth.
[after seeing Ethel in a tight leopard print dress]
Fred Mertz: I was waiting for Ethel to say Trick or Treat!
Lucy Ricardo: You look like an ad for a trip around the world.
Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something?
Lucy Ricardo: [listening to a doctor's diagnosis] I got the Gobloots from a Blu-Shoo bird?
Ricky Ricardo: Lucy! I'm Home!
Ethel Mertz: Oh, Lucy, I know you're not going to move, but if you ever do move, don't move.
Lucy Ricardo: Nurtz to Mertz
Ethel Mertz: Let's let Ms. Trumble get a load of us.
Fred Mertz: [says Little Ricky can't keep a dog in the apartment] That pooch has got to go!
Little Ricky: [walks in] Mommy! I thought of a name for my dog.
Lucy Ricardo: Oh?
Little Ricky: His name is Fred.
Lucy Ricardo: Fred? Well how did you ever come up with that?
Little Ricky: I always name my pets after people I like!
Ethel Mertz: [Fred turns to leave] Fred? Where are you going?
Fred Mertz: Down to the basement to get the box!
Lucy Ricardo: Eeeewwwww.
Lucy Ricardo: [talking to Ethyl about Ricky] He's put his foot down so many times, I feel like I'm married to a cuban centipede.
Fred Mertz: Now what are we supposed to do? Thumb a ride on a passing halibut?