Jane Hoskins: I'm not interested in the character, Baroness. I'm thinking of becoming a lady, and for that, no character is necessary.

Julia Wortin: I haven't had this much fun since the fleet came back from Manila.

Nigel Duxbury: You talk like Gladstone and look like Helen of Troy.

Jane Hoskins: You look like a duke and act like the Artful Dodger.

Jane Hoskins: I shall find a man worth 10,000 a year and marry him.

Nigel Duxbury: What about love?

Jane Hoskins: I have no objection to love as long as he still has the 10,000.

Jane Hoskins: This would be purely a working arrangement?

Nigel Duxbury: Oh, incredibly pure.

Jane Hoskins: Then why the diamonds?

Nigel Duxbury: Because, without them you are Jane Hoskins, but with them you are Lady Lovely.

Julia Wortin: You oughta marry again, Jane.

Jane Hoskins: You didn't.

Julia Wortin: At my age a good cook is more important than a husband.

Jane Hoskins: Mr. Duxbury, you are without question the most dishonest, the most immoral, the most unprincipled man I ever met in my life.

Nigel Duxbury: That would sound more convincing if your hot little fist wasn't stuffed with money. But if it will make you any happier, we can always give it back - your half.

Jane Hoskins: Let's not be too hasty, Mr. Duxbury. We can think more clearly when we've had a little wine.

Jane Hoskins: You promised that our relationship was going to be incredibly pure.

Nigel Duxbury: Yes, now it's purely incredible.

Tracy Collans: Hoskins, place me next to Lady Lovely at supper.

Nigel Duxbury: [as the butler, Hoskins] That might be a bit of a problem, sir.

Tracy Collans: Solve it, Hoskins, and I'll make it worth your while.

Nigel Duxbury: Bribery, sir?

Tracy Collans: Yes.

Nigel Duxbury: I just wanted to make sure.

Juan Dinas: [astride a horse] Is she married?

Nigel Duxbury: [as the butler, Hoskins] A widow, sir. She was heartbroken by her husband's death - vowed to never look at another man.

Juan Dinas: Well, I do not want her to look at another man. I want her to look at Juan Miguel... Dinas... that's me.

Nigel Duxbury: Well, I suggest you stay where you are, sir. Her ladyship could never resist an attractive horse.

Juan Dinas: Do you like Pigs, Lady Lovely?

Jane Hoskins: I've met so few.

Jane Hoskins: He offered me a hundred servants, a house of my own, and 8,000 pigs. He wants to marry me, Nigel.

Jane Hoskins: Nigel, I've been thinking. Couldn't you pinch the silver?

Nigel Duxbury: Oh, that's a very brilliant idea, indeed. I shall leave the house with one bag and four barrels?

Julia Wortin: They disappeared like beer at a policeman's picnic.

Jane Hoskins: You blaggard! It's all seeming crystal clear. All this time you planned every little scheme up your sleeve, and I'm to have no part of it. No part of it, eh? Well, at the risk of being accused of understatement, I'll tell you that you're an unmitigated, double-dealing, mealy-mouthed, underhanded scoundrel, and I should have known if from the first.

Juan Dinas: You must love him.

Jane Hoskins: Oh no. I hate him.

Juan Dinas: Jane, if ever I find a woman who can hate me so passionately, then I will know it is love.