Daffy Duck: Hmm. Guess I'll have to use my Jekyll and Hyde routine on this wise guy.

[knocks on door]

Porky Pig: Yes?

Daffy Duck: I'm sorry you did that to me. People shouldn't push me around. It isn't good for me.

Porky Pig: Oh, f-f-fiddlesticks. And why not?

Daffy Duck: Because I'm a split personality, that's why not. I'm two people in one. A schiz... a schiz... a schizophreniac. When people are nice to me, I'm sweet, gentle, and loving.

[Jumps into Porky's arms and starts caressing him, speaks in French accent]

Daffy Duck: Ello, baby. Nice, fat, little butterball.

Porky Pig: Oh, n-n-now stop.

Daffy Duck: But when some wise guy starts pushing me around, look... out! I turn into a hideous monster.

[Puts on fake fangs and messes up his hair, then pants and snarls at Porky, who jumps up to the ceiling and hangs on to a chandelier]

Daffy Duck: Get the idea, buster?

Porky Pig: I d-do, I do! Ind-deed I d-d-do! And I'll be r-real nice and k-kind and gentle to you.

Porky Pig: The d-d-oorbell. Oh, i-it couldn't be the grand prize. He-he-he. I've never won anything in my life.

Delivery Man: [hands Porky a present] Well, you have now Here it is, lucky boy. The grand prize. He-he-he-he-he!

Porky Pig: Oh, f-fortunate, fortunate me. G-golly, I w-wonder what it is?

Daffy Duck: [pops out of present] It's a duck, fat stuff! A genuine live duck!

Porky Pig: A d-d-d-d-duck?

Daffy Duck: Yes, a d-d-d-duck.

Porky Pig: G-gee, just what I always wanted, I s-suppose.

Daffy Duck: Hmm. Not a bad-looking dump, if you got rid of some of this trash.

[Sees vase on table]

Daffy Duck: Yeesh! This monstrosity's got to go.

[Throws vase out the window]

Porky Pig: Here now, y-you stop that!

Daffy Duck: [Throws chair out window] This is out.

Porky Pig: C-cut that out! Stop it!

Daffy Duck: This junk goes.

[Throws more stuff out window]

Porky Pig: N-n-now you s-s-stop that!

Daffy Duck: Umm... Yup. That's gotta go.

[Picks up Porky to throw out the window]

Porky Pig: N-now you cut that out! P-p-put me down!

Daffy Duck: Oh, all right. If you wanna spoil the whole effect.

Porky Pig: N-now just a minute, you n-nervy old duck. You got outside in the chicken coop where you belong.

Daffy Duck: Coop, schmoop! I ain't sleeping in no chicken coop. I'm a duck. Have you got a duck coop?

Porky Pig: Y-yes, I have.

Daffy Duck: You have?

Porky Pig: Y-yes.

Daffy Duck: Oh. Well, is it a convertible coupe? Because I'm a convertible duck.

[a car top appears in Daffy's back]

Daffy Duck: See, chubby?

[Runs around making car noises]

Porky Pig: Oh, t-that treacherous trickster. I'll show him who's a knucklehead. I'll give him a dose of his own m-m-medicine.

[puts on a hideous Halloween costume]

Porky Pig: I hope I look sc-sc-scary enough.

Daffy Duck: Well, I think I'll go scare some more daylights out of the little butterball.

[he walks by a door, where Porky in costume walks by; he looks at Porky, thinking it's a mirror]

Daffy Duck: Sufferin' catfish. I didn't realize I was that hideous.

[pause]

Daffy Duck: I'm not!

[Daffy goes to pieces, then reconstructs himself, gets back inside the present and runs screaming out the door]

Porky Pig: Gosh, what a scaredy-cat. Anyone who'd be scared of a masquerade costume is a c-craven little coward.

[Passes by a mirror and sees himself, then jumps out of costume and into chandelier again]

Porky Pig: S-so I'm a c-craven little coward.