Sailor Beware (1952)

Jerry Lewis: Melvin Jones

Photos 

5 more photos

Quotes 

• Melvin Jones : Excuse me, handsome.

  CPO Lardoski : Where do you get that handsome stuff?

  Melvin Jones : Didn't I hear that man call you a pretty officer?

  CPO Lardoski : [Growling]  He said, "Petty officer."

  [Melvin sticks his tongue out at him behind his back] 

• Melvin Jones : Why, I was fighting Gene Tierney once, and...

  Al Crowthers : Wait a minute! Don't you mean Gene Tunney?

  Melvin Jones : [shouts]  You fight who you want, I'll fight who I want!

• Naval Doctor : [Unable to find a heartbeat]  Be a good boy now and tell the doctor where your heart is.

  Melvin Jones : You'll find out. I'm no stool pigeon.

• Hilda Jones : Everybody should donate to the blood bank. What type are you?

  Melvin Jones : Oh, the quiet type. I go to bed at nine o'clock, see a movie now and then, read some books, play checkers...

  Hilda Jones : No! I mean what kind of blood have you?

  Melvin Jones : Red.

• Melvin Jones : Why d'ya put the bandage on my hand before ya put the gloves on?

  Al Crowthers : So when you hit'm, you won't break your knuckles.

  Melvin Jones : Why don't you put some on my shoes so I won't wear them out from running away from him?

• Al Crowthers : How many fights have ya had all together?

  Melvin Jones : [Talking loudly in a punchy boxer's voice in order to frighten his opponent]  Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...

  [Al hits him'] 

  Melvin Jones : When ya add 'em up together now, I had 101 fights.

  Al Crowthers : Yup!

  Melvin Jones : Oh, 101! I win 'em all but 100!

• Melvin Jones : There's no basis for metabolism, certain unaware of the fact that there are other men concerned here, and you still can't feel that a physical being is abstract. You've got to base the full heart and soul on the ingredients that other people are aware of the fact that physical being is isn't even evolved. Isn't that right?

• Melvin Jones : You know, women could kill me.

  Al Crowthers : What a way to die.

• Melvin Jones : Lose something?

  Naval Doctor : No, but I think you did. Where's your heart?

  Melvin Jones : You're the doctor.

• Melvin Jones , Al Crowthers : Wasn't that...?

  Al Crowthers : Hetty Button.

• Chief Bos'n Mate : Have you ever considered any other branch of the service? The Army recruiting office is just down the street, you know.

  Melvin Jones : Oh thanks gobs, gob, but I gotta get in the Navy. It's practically doctor's orders, practically.

  Chief Bos'n Mate : Doctor's orders?

  Melvin Jones : Oh, yes, sir. You see, it's my allergies, and my doctor says I need ocean travel and this is the only way I can afford it.

• Al Crowthers : I wouldn't let anything happen to you, would I?

  Melvin Jones : We'll soon find out.