The Moon Is Blue (1953)

David Niven: David Slater

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Quotes 

• David Slater : [about his ex-wife]  She divorced me. Extreme cruelty - I hit her with a muffin dish.

  Patty O'Neill : You didn't!

  David Slater : *Stainless steel* muffin dish. Still warm from popovers. Right across the behind. Raised a welt that lasted for *weeks* according to her lawyer. I was never privileged to see it.

• Donald Gresham : Believe it or not, I never touched her.

  David Slater : You know, it just occurred to me, that might very well have been the wrong you done her, according to Cynthia's book. Now I can understand why she was so sore this morning. A very humiliating experience. I probably should beat you up, anyway.

  Donald Gresham : Let me get this straight. I am to be horsewhipped for *not* seducing your daughter?

  David Slater : It's quite a new twist, isn't it?

• Patty O'Neill : I've cured more hangovers than you could shake a stick at.

  David Slater : Never shake a stick at a hangover.

• David Slater : Would you consider our friend to be a man of... principles?

  Patty O'Neill : I certainly do. He is charming.

  David Slater : Yes, but I am told that I am not entirely without charm, but I have no principles whatsoever.

• Patty O'Neill : Oh, c'mon. You don't want to stay up here alone.

  David Slater : Haven't the faintest intention of being alone. You decide to leave, I should probably call up a dame I know and ask her to come over.

  Patty O'Neill : Don't say "dame", it's vulgar. At least say "girl"

  David Slater : This girl *is* quite vulgar. In the sense that she is earthy and uninhibited. By common definition she is essentially a dame rather than a girl. She's a lot of fun.

  Patty O'Neill : Then why don't you ask *her* to marry you?

  David Slater : Because she'll lose all respect for me if I made such an idiotic suggestion.

• David Slater : If more fathers had ripped more phones out of more walls, more daughters wouldn't get into trouble.

• Patty O'Neill : You struck a woman?

  David Slater : Why certainly. In fact I seldom strike anyone *but* a woman. Oh, I'm not the belligerent type. I'm also a coward.

  Donald Gresham : Now don't be too modest. Occasionally you'll strike a small man.

  David Slater : If he's defenseless, yes.

• David Slater : Don't you find I have a certain weird charm?

• Patty O'Neill : I took my shoes off because my feet hurt.

  David Slater : Oh, you should never say your feet hurt.

  Patty O'Neill : Why not? They do.

  David Slater : "My foot, singular, hurts" is an intriguing statement. "My feet, plural, hurt" is a rather sordid admission.

• Patty O'Neill : He has reasons for suspicion.

  David Slater : Take my advice and let them lurk.

  Patty O'Neill : What?

  David Slater : Suspicion, my child, suspicion. The lurking doubt. Is she or isn't she? Does she or doesn't she? Will she or won't she? Suspicion, the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world.

• David Slater : Don't you find I have a certain weird charm?

  Patty O'Neill : Yes, that's your whole trouble. You have entirely too much charm.

  Donald Gresham : And it certainly *is* weird.

• David Slater : Now there's a man who's hard to please. He gripes when you're trying to be pure and he gripes when you're trying to be wanton.

• David Slater : The three things I live for are steak, liquor, and sex.

• David Slater : I wonder why it tis that young men are always cautioned against bad girls? Anyone can handle a bad girl, it's the good girls men ought to be warned against.

• Patty O'Neill : [they're chatting, in Don's apartment]  Would you like me to turn on the television?

  David Slater : Is it in color?

  Patty O'Neill : Oh, you're crazy. It won't be in color for years.

  David Slater : Let's wait 'til then.

• Patty O'Neill : Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs. What kind of a car do you drive?

  David Slater : A Lincoln. Why?

  Patty O'Neill : Have you seen the new Cadillac?

  David Slater : Yes.

  Patty O'Neill : They have a fascinating little gadget. Whenever it starts to rain, you press a little button, and it squirts water on the windshield, so that the wiper won't get it all smeared. I think of it the moment it starts to rain.

  David Slater : You drive a Cadillac?

  Patty O'Neill : Oh, heavens no, don't be silly. But the boy Vicky goes with has one, and he lets me work it. Not drive it - work the gadget.

• David Slater : [Looking on, as Patty is tidying up the kitchen in Don's apartment]  Oh, don't worry about all that. Let the maid do it.

  Patty O'Neill : No, I like to tidy up. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

  David Slater : Ugh. That sort of thing does not appeal to me.

  Patty O'Neill : What *does* appeal to you?

  David Slater : Steaks, liquor and sex. In that order.