Narrator: But when ruthless and desperate men are at work, there are always the innocent who suffer.
[as the stage show's end, the ventriloquist's dummy asserts itself]
Jerry Morgan: [speaking of his fiancee] Really, folks, she's a beautiful, wonderful girl. I wish you could see her.
Clarence: Yeah, you should see her. A blonde, blue-eyed, baby-faced purse-snatcher.
Jerry Morgan: Clarence!
Clarence: A peroxide octopus.
Jerry Morgan: Quiet!
Clarence: Fifteen hands and they're all in his pockets.
Jerry Morgan: Clarence! Please!
Clarence: A hundred and ten pounds of well-stacked rattlesnakes!
Jerry Morgan: Clarence!
Jerry Morgan: Mr. Papinek, you're a Frenchman, and the French are supposed to know about these things. I'd like to ask you something. Now, how can you tell when you're really in love?
Maurice Papinek: [having fixed his dolls] Remember, you must not touch.
Jerry Morgan: Not even if you're in love?
Maurice Papinek: Not until the glue hardens.
Marty Brown: Please, don't say "stomach."
Godfrey Langston: [looking out the airplane window] Tell me, Mr. Morgan, how many stars would you say there were out there?
Jerry Morgan: Well... Stars? There in the sky stars?
Godfrey Langston: Yes.
Jerry Morgan: Hm. Well, uh, I-I don't know offhand. I-I, uh, I would say way up in the thousands.
Godfrey Langston: A hundred thousand?
Jerry Morgan: Well, uh, I think more than that.
Godfrey Langston: Two hundred thousand?
Jerry Morgan: Uh, nooooo. Possibly a little bit more.
Godfrey Langston: Three hundred thousand.
Jerry Morgan: I-I don't like to seem impertinent, Mr. Langston, but that's the Milky Way.
Godfrey Langston: Very well, Mr. Morgan. How many would you say there were?
Jerry Morgan: Stars? Well, uh, I'd say about a million.
Godfrey Langston: A million?
Jerry Morgan: Yeah... about.
Godfrey Langston: Very well, Mr. Morgan. Let us say a million.
Jerry Morgan: Very well, Mr. Langston, let's.
Godfrey Langston: Good.
[They shake hands, Jerry not realizing he just negotiated the financial side of an espionage deal]
Jerry Morgan: You know, I don't think I'm crazy. I think I'm a little bit peculiar, but that's not crazy.
Jerry Morgan: Listen, if this keeps up you'll get us kicked out of Switzerland.
Dr. Ilse Nordstrom: Tell me, Jerry, why are you so unhappy?
Jerry Morgan: [regressed to when he was five-years-old] Because my mummy and daddy are always fighting and yelling and screaming at each other and throwing things and everything.
Dr. Ilse Nordstrom: And why do they do that?
Jerry Morgan: They have to - they're married.