20 June 2004 | Gafke
Ed Wood tampers in God's domain...again.
This really isn't such a terrible little movie. Sure, it's cheap, the acting is horrible, the sets wobble if sneezed upon and the special effects consist of stock footage and a rubber octopus, but "Bride of the Monster" is much, MUCH better than "Plan 9 From Outer Space."
Mad scientist Vornoff (a sickly Bela Lugosi) has apparently set up shop in the Florida Everglades, kidnapping anyone unwise enough to wander too close to his house (and his pet octopus) and conducting sinister experiments upon them. Vornoff, for some odd reason, is determined to create a race of super giants with incredible strength. We're never really sure exactly WHY he wants to do this, but one can only assume that, if one possesses an army of super strong giants, one could take over the world and rule it and stuff. That seems to be the goal of every other mad scientist in the unruled world, anyway. Into this diabolical plan stumbles loudmouthed newsgirl Loretta King, who is determined to get the story on the Lake Marsh Monster. Whether the title of "Lake Marsh Monster" refers to the octopus, Tor Johnson as the fumbling Lobo or Bela's drug problem, we're never sure. Take your pick. Anyway, Loretta is kept under constant hypnosis by Bela's eyebags and is slated to become The Bride of the Monster! By this point, we're all quite ready to see the annoying Loretta fried to a crisp, but unfortunately, her wimpy boyfriend shows up to save her. The stunning climax is packed full of raging Lobo's, rolling boulders, lightening bolts, gunfire and death by octopus!
The story doesn't make much sense, but were you really expecting it to when you saw Ed Wood's name listed under the title of director? Still and all, it's certainly Wood's most coherent effort and can be entertaining for those of us who stop to look at road accidents.