Paul: That woman is unbelievable. She's awesome. She knows exactly what I want her to do, and she does it before I even ask her to do it.

Henry: I had a woman like that once. Once was all I could afford.

Barbara: I can't call him because he's in a coma!

Julia Lindsey Snyder: A coma? Come on, Barbara. Come up with something a little more original. How about - oh, I know. How about a hole opened up, and James fell into the center of the earth?

Aaron: Talking to Alison is like trying to nail Jello to a tree.

Henry Coleman: [Looking through the Hughes' refrigerator] Give it a few weeks. I've got to tell you something, I've got some irons in the fire. My ship is coming in. I can see a silver lining in that cloud that's been hanging over me for so long. I'm all out of clichés, baby. But I think you get my drift, don't you?

Maddie Coleman: Yes I do. But I don't think you understand the urgency of my plight.

Henry Coleman: A-ha!

[pulls out a bottle and looks at the lable]

Henry Coleman: Creme de menthe? Oh Lord, who are these people, mad?

Maddie Coleman: Please, please, please. I can not bear it any longer, okay. Okay, all right, I will let you - I give you permission to use a little of that money from B.J. Henry, we can share a place. You can use it and we can share a place.

Henry Coleman: That money - that money's off limits for now, okay?

Maddie Coleman: You're right. I shouldn't even mentioned - what was I thinking?

Henry Coleman: I don't know. Shame on you, shame on you.

[takes a drink and spits it out]

Henry Coleman: Oh God! What am I supposed to drink this or gargle with it?

Maddie Coleman: What am I supposed to do?

Henry Coleman: Why don't you try making up with Casey? What the hell?

[takes another sip]

Maddie Coleman: I would rather stick my head in a lion's mouth. Are you still gonna drink that?

Henry Coleman: Yes! It's that bad, huh? Listen, for every problem there is a solution.

Maddie Coleman: You sound like my calculus teacher.

Gwen Norbeck: Judge Steve?

Will Munson #4: Dude, just tell us.

Judge Steve Colby: You may well hate my guts in ten years.

Gwen Norbeck: Why?

Judge Steve Colby: Because you'll be having your 10th wedding anniversary before you're 30.

Will Munson #4: Yes!

Judge Steve Colby: Or you'll be bitter and divorced a half-decade ahead of schedule. And don't send me a card if that's the last one.

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3: Will you keep your pants on when you're alone with Maddie?

Casey Hughes #5: I can't believe you said that!

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3: All right, come on, it freaks me out, too.

Casey Hughes #5: You're my mom! I'm your impressionable teenage son! Geez!

Detective Margo Montgomery Hughes #3: Well, look, I finally got more than one word out of you.

Barbara: A shame to waste good vodka, Barbara.

Henry Coleman: Somehow I think it won't go to waste.

Emily Stewart: My entire life, honestly - men. My father, Tom, Paul - none of them ever wanted me.

Henry Coleman: There's still good ol' Hal...

Emily Stewart: Yeah, Hal - I came in second to a warm doughnut, Henry.

Emily Stewart: Face it, Emily. Shooting your fiance is a definite turnoff.

Henry Coleman: Yeah, you know what? One would think, but obviously not.

Carly Snyder: I'm surprised, I'm surprised after having one your Mom didn't stop right there. What was she thinking?

Henry Coleman: She wasn't thinking, she was weighing the odds. You know, this horse, that horse. Mater had a bit of a gambling problem.

Carly Snyder: She hung out at the track?

Henry Coleman: All day, every day. If you're a thoroughbred you get her attention, but if you're just some mutt on two legs... you know.

Emily Stewart: Well, she seems like a great kid.

Henry Coleman: She's a smart kid, Emily, and she sees right through you like cheap cellophane. Now, I do not have a dark side, and I don't want to be any part of yours. If you want to put out a hit out on Meg, you call the mob. And if you ever reveal any of your twisted schemes in front of my little sister again, I will call the mob myself.

Maddie Coleman: She's gone? Henry, are you having an affair?

Henry Coleman: With Emily Stewart?

Maddie Coleman: You know, you can tell me if you two are.

Henry Coleman: Not.

Maddie Coleman: Good. I don't really like her.

Henry Coleman: She has that effect on people.

Maddie Coleman: But I do think she has the hots for you.

Henry Coleman: She does not have the hots for me. She has her talons dug into some other poor slob.

Maddie Coleman: Really?

Henry Coleman: Yeah. She's crazy about him. Literally. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Kevin Davis: Now, aren't you supposed to be at home carving up some helpless squash, anyway?

Luke Snyder: That's Thanksgiving, genius.

Meg Snyder #2: And while you're at it, you'll get yourself out of jail?

Paul Ryan #6: I have to. I know that orange is the new black, but those jumpsuits make my butt look enormous.

Meg Snyder #2: I don't know, your butt looks pretty good to me.

Barbara: Hello, Gwen.

Gwen Norbeck: Oh, great. Great. Just what I need first thing in the morning.

Dr. Susan Stewart: Oh, sorry, sorry. I was out yesterday because of the stupid wedding and I had to stop by the hospital.

Barbara Ryan: What wedding?

Dr. Susan Stewart: Oh, that's right, you weren't invited. Your son married my daughter.

Barbara Ryan: What? That's impossible. Paul's still in jail.

Dr. Susan Stewart: They got married in the cell. It was everything a mother could hope for, cement floors, iron bars, armed guards, and a son-in-law who's a murderer.

Lisa Miller Hughes Eldridge Shea Colman McColl Mitchell Grimaldi Chedwyn #1: Well, honey, I must say you were almost civil where Gwen was concerned.

Barbara Ryan: Oh, I'm trying.

Lisa Miller Hughes Eldridge Shea Colman McColl Mitchell Grimaldi Chedwyn #1: I know. I think that's wonderful. If I had known that a run-in with a bear would change your attitude, I would have taken you to the zoo a long time ago.

Noah Mayer: I know this is hard for you to deal with. It's hard for me, too. I spent so many years of my life trying to push these feelings down, deny them, change them. And so have you. So I don't think you should pretend to be so surprised.

Winston Mayer: Well, I sure as hell was surprised to see what I saw today! You led me to believe that you and Maddie were a couple! When did you turn into such a... good liar?

Noah Mayer: I've been lying to myself forever. Trying to convince myself- trying to convince you! It took over my life.

Winston Mayer: So what else in our life was a lie?

Noah Mayer: The idea that there was something wrong with me. That's why you wanted me to join the army, that's why you were so happy that me and Maddie were moving in together.

Winston Mayer: That was not my idea, Noah! And how could you do this to her?

Noah Mayer: That was a mistake. Haven't you ever made a mistake? Dad?

Winston Mayer: Obviously I made a hell of a lot of them with you.

Noah Mayer: It's not your fault I'm gay! It's nobody's fault. And guess what? I'm happy with who I am. Finally! For the first time in my life.

Winston Mayer: Noah, he has you under some kind of spell but it's not too late! You don't have to end up like this! I won't let him destroy you-!

Luke Snyder: [Getting up from his wheelchair] That is the opposite of what I'm doing! I love your son! And we're together! And we are not afraid to let the world see that! You talk about what's right? This is right! Me and Noah, together, and you locked up in a prison where you belong!

Luke Snyder: When I first came out, it was fine, but I was lonely. I looked at Will and Gwen, and Casey and Maddie, and I thought, "That is something that I'm never gonna have." And not just the attraction, but... I don't know, just... just the feeling of... of walking into a room, and having someone there who's happy to see you. You know? Not having to say everything, spell everything out. But still having someone who knows what you mean. And I think... I think these feelings have a word. And you don't have to say this back, you-you don't have to say this back... but... I love you, Noah. I'm so... in love with you.

Luke Snyder: [Sitting after walking in on an awkward moment between Zack and Noah] ... Okay. What was that about?

Noah Mayer: Zac kissed me.

Luke Snyder: ...What?

Noah Mayer: Zac kissed me, don't worry, it was harmless.

Luke Snyder: [Exasperated] Are you serious?

Noah Mayer: It came out of the blue. It's not going to happen again, he got no encouragement. None!

Luke Snyder: [sighing] Oh, man, I knew he had a thing for you.

Noah Mayer: It was no big deal!

Luke Snyder: No big deal? The last time you saw someone kiss me you punched him in the face!

Holden Snyder: [after meeting Noah for the first time and noticing Luke's behavior around him] ... Everything alright at work?

Luke Snyder: Yeah!

Holden Snyder: Something just seemed a little off. He didn't want any help with that edit.

Luke Snyder: Ah, Noah knows what he's doing. He doesn't need me looking over his shoulder.

Holden Snyder: Hm. Seems like a good kid. Don't you like him?

Luke Snyder: What? Oh! Yeah, yeah! Yeah.

Holden Snyder: What's going on?

Luke Snyder: ...Dad. I really, *really* don't wanna talk about this with you.

Holden Snyder: I just don't wanna see you unhappy, especially after everything that... happened with Kevin.

Luke Snyder: Okay. Kevin, that was completely different. You know. Kevin wasn't g-


Luke Snyder: It was just different.

Holden Snyder: [Eager] Yes, this is different. You work with this guy. He's dating Maddie. She's your friend.

Luke Snyder: Dad, I know. I get it. And I have it under control, so don't worry, okay?

Holden Snyder: You're my son. One day you'll be 52, and you know who I'm gonna be worried about? You.

[Luke is wheelchair bound]

Noah Mayer: Let's just... let's do something physical.

Luke Snyder: [Playfully] Like what?

Noah Mayer: Like your physical therapy.

[Luke looks defeated]

Noah Mayer: I didn't do that for you, I just couldn't stand to see that psycho slut with her hands all over my boyfriend.

Luke Snyder: I love you.

[Dusty is sitting on a bench. Lucinda approaches him eating ice cream]

Lucinda Walsh: Hey. Hey, buddy! That's my bench.

Dusty Donovan: Hey, I pay my taxes, and I was here first.

Lucinda Walsh: Now wait a minute! I had it first, I just got up for a seventh inning stretch. Okay?

Dusty Donovan: Well you didn't leave a sign so you're outta luck!

[Short pause]

Dusty Donovan: Okay, I'll share. C'mere.

Lucinda Walsh: [Reluctant] Okay. I'll share.

[Sits down]

Dusty Donovan: What have you got there?

Lucinda Walsh: [Holds cone away from Dusty] Yeah, but you can't have a lick of my cone. I need this.

Dusty Donovan: It's dripping.

Lucinda Walsh: I need it, you know? I need... the icy perfection!

Noah Mayer: ...That's weird. I could have sworn I left this closed. You didn't go into it for anything, did you?

Luke Snyder: Uh, I was the guy mucking out the stall next to you? When would I have done that?

Luke Snyder: [Sits across from Noah] Hey!

[Notices his large sandwich]

Luke Snyder: Well, I guess your film editing class gives you a pretty big appetite, huh? What, the banana split I made for you wasn't big enough?

Noah Mayer: No, it was great, I just had to miss lunch because I was studying. And that sugar fix was good but no substitute for four different kinds of meat.

Luke Snyder: Well, if I didn't know better I'd say you were sublimating something.

Noah Mayer: Oh, get out, that psych class is going to your head.

Luke Snyder: My professor, Dr. Freudenheim, would say that your increased appetite was due to an acute oral fixation.

Noah Mayer: So, what, are you saying this is... all about sex?

Luke Snyder: [laughs] Oh, no, I didn't say that. *You* said that. Must be on your mind.

Noah Mayer: It is... all the time, actually. How about you?

Luke Snyder: [Later] Okay, well then, what's your fantasy first time? You know, would it be, lit by candlelight with rose petals strewn about the duvet?

Noah Mayer: I don't even know how to *spell* duvet. And as far as rose petals go, you can cut that out of my movie.

Luke Snyder: Okay, okay, so I guess the bearskin rug B&B is out of the picture. Well, what about, um... oh! What about, like, all sweaty and hot in the locker room after like a really rough game of handball?

Noah Mayer: ...Have you been watching porn?

Luke Snyder: At my grandma's house? No!

Noah Mayer: Well, you certainly have an active imagination!

Luke Snyder: That's because I'm a writer! I have to, it's my job!

[Luke is attempting to keep an injured Noah conscious]

Luke Snyder: Noah. Noah, y-you have to wake up, I have a question for you. Do you remember that film we watched a couple nights ago, you know, the one from your-from your film class? The uh, the four hours of Light on the Seer's Tower. You told me that it was a masterpiece, but I didn't get it so, so you have to explain to me what-what I missed.

Noah Mayer: [Slurring] Uh... the film is light, it's uh... it's the emotional palette of the artist and it's used to, um...


Luke Snyder: To what? To what? It's the emotional palette of the artist, it's used to what?

Noah Mayer: Uh... to express... his vision. And the broader the spectrum, the broader...

[Begins to lose consciousness]

Luke Snyder: [Tittering] Come on! Hey, hey! Hey, I'm about to fall asleep, too! Come on! I just insulted existential film making! You gonna let me get away with it? Noah? Noah, come on!

Luke Snyder: You may not know who you are, but he doesn't know one thing about you. And what he thinks about you, that doesn't matter. So, you wanna know what you can do for me? You can prove to me that the man who put me in this chair didn't win. That you, and me, are stronger than he ever was. That's what you can do for me.

Girl: Do you wanna dance?

Noah Mayer: Uh, I'm gay.

Girl: I'm Stacy, and you didn't really answer my question.

Luke Snyder: [Damian and Lily have run downstairs half dressed] I really don't know what to say right now.

Damian Grimaldi: Luke, I f-... I found your mother outside, and I brought her home. She was so upset, I couldn't leave her on her own.

Luke Snyder: So you decided to take her clothes off? Mom?

Damian Grimaldi: Go easy on your mother, Luciano.

Luke Snyder: Faith walked in on the two of you in bed, didn't she? That's why she ran out of here! UGH! What is *wrong* with you? With both of you?

Lily Snyder: I should have locked the door...

Luke Snyder: You should have locked the door? Is that what you have to say for yourself?

Lily Snyder: I need to find Faith before something happens.

Luke Snyder: It's too late.

Lily Snyder: No, I can explain! I-I need to make her understand...

Luke Snyder: No, mom, you need to make *me* understand, because right now I don't, and I don't think I ever will!

[Lily tries to go past him]

Luke Snyder: Mom! Are you crazy? Faith doesn't want to talk to you right now!

Lily Snyder: No, Luke! I need to make her understand-!

Luke Snyder: No, you need to go and get some clothes on! *I* will handle Faith.

Damian Grimaldi: Luke, I'll go with you.

Luke Snyder: No, Damian, you've done enough.

Damian Grimaldi: Luciano...

Luke Snyder: Damian, get away from me. I need to find my little sister.

[Bickering at the food table at Kim and Bob's anniversary party]

Dr. Reid Oliver: Katie said you were going to order some food from Al's. When do we eat that?

Chris Hughes: You don't.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Doogie Hughes, how do you stop this whole Holden family sermon?

Chris Hughes: You don't.

[Reid is having a panic attack]

Luke Snyder: Alright, um, Dr. Oliver, you-you need to focus. Um... think about some place that you like, some place that makes you feel safe.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Where'd you pick up this load of crap, magazines at your dentist's office?

Luke Snyder: Well, does it matter if it works?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, it's just a bogus pop psychology.

Luke Snyder: Well, do you have anything better to do, like put your fist through the wall and ruin your career forever?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, not to mention ruin your mom's elevator.

Luke Snyder: Oh, don't worry. You'd get the bill. You know how stingy rich people are.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Okay. Okay, I-I-I have a place.

Luke Snyder: Okay, well, what is it?

[Silence from Reid]

Luke Snyder: Doctor. What is the place you're thinking of?

Dr. Reid Oliver: It's the brain.

Luke Snyder: [chuckles] Figures.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Well, i-if I'd told you it was this... green meadow with tadpoles and dancing cows you'd know I was lying, so...

Luke Snyder: Well, is it any brain in particular?

Dr. Reid Oliver: I-I don't... each one's different.


Dr. Reid Oliver: They're all amazing, though. It has this tangled... mass of... grey spaghetti, it's totally alien. But... it's not much to look at to the naked eye, but... yet it makes us... walk and talk, think... remember, smell... love. It produced the Sistine Chapel. Chocolate. Theory of relativity. Godfather, parts one and two. Not so sure about three, but...

Luke Snyder: You said that Noah's surgery and his recovery would be very time consuming.

Dr. Reid Oliver: You think you're gonna win points by repeating my words back to me?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Wait. Hey. You can't just... leave him here, what-what if he trips over a nurse?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Hey, listen, I... look, I know the guy did a lot of bad things and probably hurt a lot of people, but Damien... he's still your father.

Luke Snyder: That's nice of you to say.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah. It happens sometimes, as much as I try to prevent it.

Luke Snyder: Well... the truth is I gave him so many chances. When he first found out I was gay he tried to fix me. I forgave him for that!

Dr. Reid Oliver: It must have been tough having your father wanna change you.

Luke Snyder: Well, he finally accepted me, so... I gave him another chance.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Makes you wonder if the first change was real.

Luke Snyder: Yeah... it does. I don't know why I'm talking to you about this.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Well, like I said. Sometimes I'm a good guy in spite of myself.

Luke Snyder: And of course, it's so like you to go about this without even acknowledging what happened the other day.

Dr. Reid Oliver: ...Nothing happened between us the other day.

Luke Snyder: No, I know, I know, I know... I was talking about the guy at the Lakeview who said you murdered his daughter.

Dr. Reid Oliver: ...Oh. That.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Chronic fatigue.


Dr. Reid Oliver: I wanna ship him COD to a leper colony. See how tired he is then.

Henry Coleman: Okay, uh, I will spell it out for you: I am not going to interfere in your life any more. If you want to make Dr. Nightmare over there your next big mistake, that is your business, not mine.

Katie Peretti: Henry. He is my room mate, that's all!

Henry Coleman: Bubbles, I know you better than you know your own self. You are lonely, you're vulnerable, you're sad right now, it's only a matter of time before you fall for him.

Katie Peretti: Um, nope. You're wrong.

Henry Coleman: No, you love being in love, usually with the wrong guy!

Chris Hughes: [Coming up behind them, laughing] Sorry. He does have a point, though.

Katie Peretti: Chris, not helping.

Henry Coleman: I didn't know you were back, it's good to see you.

[Shakes Chris' hand]

Chris Hughes: Yeah, you too, you too. So, um, who is this wrong guy that Katie is... madly in love with?

Katie Peretti: He thinks it's Reid.

[Chris laughs incredulously]

Henry Coleman: No, no, no, no! No, Chris, don't laugh, it's not funny! You have not been here to see what's gone on!

Chris Hughes: No, no, no. But you are definitely right about one thing: he is the wrong guy for Katie.

Henry Coleman: See?

Katie Peretti: Chris doesn't like him, either.

Henry Coleman: No one likes him! You're the only one that likes him!

Chris Hughes: Yeah, but it has nothing to do with that.

[Turns to Reid]

Chris Hughes: Um... do you wanna tell him?

Dr. Reid Oliver: I'm the wrong guy for Katie.

Henry Coleman: [Sarcastically] Really? Now, how could that be? I thought you were perfect!

Dr. Reid Oliver: I am. I also happen to be gay.

Luke Snyder: Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yep. But it's not as ridiculous as you chasing me all over town whining that I'm not gonna play with your toy.

Luke Snyder: You're messing with me, you're not gay!

Dr. Reid Oliver: You're requiring proof? How would that work exactly?

Luke Snyder: Well, you never mentioned anything. Are you really that deep in the closet?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Mr. Snyder, I've known that I was gay since I was nine years old. I can assure you that in all that time I've never once hidden, apologized for, or been ashamed of who I am.

Luke Snyder: Well that I can believe, but... you never said anything to Noah or me.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Why would I?

Luke Snyder: Because it could have helped!

Dr. Reid Oliver: What, so we could share the secret handshake?

Luke Snyder: It's called relating, Dr. Oliver. You meet someone, you learn things about them. You find what you have in common, and then you get along better.

Dr. Reid Oliver: So you're telling me that if I had told you that I'm a Pisces, yet, ironically, allergic to fish, you and I would have bonded?

Luke Snyder: Maybe.

Luke Snyder: You forgot, didn't you? We have a meeting with the architect of the new wing today. We have to sign off on the preliminary plans?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, well, let the architect wear the tie. He's the one who has to impress me.

Luke Snyder: You can't go to a meeting in scrubs.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Okay, fine! I'll change my clothes, I'll head over to the Lakeview and I'll meet the guy.

Luke Snyder: I'm going with you.

Dr. Reid Oliver: [Sarcastic] Oh, of course. I know how concerned you are about the placement of the stereotaxis system. Tell me, do you prefer the gamma knife or the cyber knife?

Luke Snyder: Mmm... I'll let you know?

Dr. Reid Oliver: I can't wait.

Luke Snyder: Dr. Oliver, this is Dusty's fiancée, Janet Snyder.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Who?

Luke Snyder: The shooting victim.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Oh, hello.

Janet Ciccone: Please, Dr. Oliver, you have to save Dusty! He's a great man, and he has a lot to live for.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, okay. I don't care who he is. He could be a concert pianist or a serial killer, I'd still do my job. Excuse me.

[Rushes off]

Dr. Reid Oliver: [Janet and Carly are in shock]

Carly Snyder: Uh, some bedside manner!

Luke Snyder: He's like that with everyone. But Dusty is in good hands, I promise. If anyone can save Dusty, it's Dr. Oliver.

Dr. Reid Oliver: [approaching Luke at Java] Glad I found you.

Luke Snyder: Why?

Dr. Reid Oliver: No reason.

[pauses, then sits down at Luke's table]

Dr. Reid Oliver: So, how's it going?

Luke Snyder: [Taken aback] How's... what going?

Dr. Reid Oliver: You know, life?

Luke Snyder: ...Seriously?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, how's the boyfriend?

Luke Snyder: Well, he's an ex-boyfriend, and I think you'd know better than I would, you see him every day.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Oh. Yeah, right. Um, he's good, in case you were wondering.

Luke Snyder: What is wrong with you?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Nothing, I'm just being friendly.

Luke Snyder: Why? You don't do friendly.

Dr. Reid Oliver: There's no reason why we can't get along.

Luke Snyder: Seriously? The world's greatest doctor and "Richie-Rich"?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah. Sorry about that, don't lis-I was just being...

Luke Snyder: What, friendly?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Yeah, right.

Luke Snyder: Well, you can stop, because it really doesn't suit you. You obviously want something, so why don't you just ask me, I'll say no, and then you can go back to being yourself.

Dr. Reid Oliver: [the elevator is stuck] God, I can't believe this is happening to me...

[bangs on the door]

Dr. Reid Oliver: Hey! Hey, can anybody hear us? There are two people stuck in this elevator! Is anybody out there? I knew this town was cursed. Hey, security!

Luke Snyder: You're really freaking out.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Leave me alone! A little help would be nice, you know?

Luke Snyder: [Amused] Do you have a phobia of elevators?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I-I just don't want us to be late for that appointment.

Luke Snyder: Well, like you said. The architect works for us, he'll wait.

Dr. Reid Oliver: [Loosening his tie and dabbing at his face] We'd be there by now if you hadn't been going into all your Kumbaya suggestions.

Luke Snyder: Dr. Oliver...?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Just leave me alone.

Luke Snyder: Wow... you are seriously claustrophobic!

Dr. Reid Oliver: No, I-I-I don't, uh, like tight spaces...

Dr. Reid Oliver: And here I thought you were invincible! Are you scared of spiders, too?


Dr. Reid Oliver: Okay, wow, wow. Don't worry. I wouldn't dare bug you out I mean... imagine if this entire elevator started shaking... and then, we crashed to the bottom...

Dr. Reid Oliver: Okay, don't. Don't. Don't-!

Luke Snyder: [Talking over Reid] And then, we were crushed by these four walls closing in on us!

Dr. Reid Oliver: Stop! It's not funny!

Luke Snyder: Oh, I think it's hilarious!

[Jumps up and down]

Luke Snyder: Boom, ba-da boom, ba-da boom!

Dr. Reid Oliver: [Shoves Luke up against the wall] Do you want us to be smashed to pieces! Stop it!

Luke Snyder: ...Wow. For someone with nerves of steel... that was pretty extreme.

[Looks at Reid's lips]

Dr. Reid Oliver: You want me to admit that I'm human? Would that make your day, Mr. Snyder?

Luke Snyder: Be a start.

Henry Coleman: Well, how would you feel if the man you loved was shot and killed before he had a chance to see his kid?

Dr. Reid Oliver: I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

Henry Coleman: Well, you'd be a mess. And if you were Katie, that would mean long crying, hysterical jags till like three A.M., inappropriate laughter and sudden mood swings and rage and then smashing the dishes which scares the bejeezus out of the baby, but you being a world famous brain surgeon I'm sure you could handle all of that, cutting into noggins all day, so you must have nerves of steel, which you are going to need.

Dr. Reid Oliver: I sleep with ear plugs.

[Awkward silence]

Luke Snyder: Finally! I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, it's just that, we didn't know where you were, and...

Dr. Reid Oliver: Even hostages have to eat, Mr. Snyder. I was down in the cafeteria consuming something that called itself 'lunch', but there's nothing like those orange plastic trays to remind you of botulism.

[Short, awkward pause. Noah clears his throat]

Luke Snyder: ...Have you gotten a chance to look over Noah's file?

Jack Snyder: That ought to make the bank pretty happy.

Officer Daniel Devito: Yeah, but just don't expect a free toaster with your new account.

Dr. Reid Oliver: [walking out of the bathroom] Oi, Goldilocks. Did you use my toothbrush?

Katie Peretti: No.

Dr. Reid Oliver: Somebody used it, I don't think it was Jacob.

Katie Peretti: What makes you think someone used it?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Because it was in the right slot facing to the right. I always keep it in the left slot facing to the left.

Katie Peretti: ...Why would you do that?

Dr. Reid Oliver: Because I'm a rigid, methodical person and it comforts me?

[Aaron and Alison discuss their marriage]

Aaron: Alison, we've been through a fire in a barn. We've run from the cops. We've been in jail. Come on, compared to that, what's marriage? Gotta be a piece of cake.

Aaron: Ali, listen, listen. Before we do anything crazy, just explain to me what this part means, okay? "Where fowl reigns supreme and lambs dare not roam and pigs in a blanket say take me home."

Alison: Okay, fowl - that's like chickens and roosters and stuff, right? Okay, and "tuck in but don't let sleeping dogs lie".

Aaron: Ali?

Alison: Shh, I'm about to be brilliant. I got it. The key. The key's is in the buns.

Aaron: Excuse me?

Alison: "Tucked in", get it? The way that you tuck a hotdog inside the bread? I need to buy your buns.