Anne Leeds: You live like a Casanova with a string of women running up and down the stairs, but when somebody tries to talk to you truthfully you react like an outraged prude. Let me tell you something, you're the museum piece, not me.
Ivy Corlane: It's a good thing you didn't take that bet, Tony, baby. That's right! No runs. No hits. No errors.
Patsy St. Clair: Oh boy, four burners, two ovens and a spit. The way other people want diamonds, that's how I want that stove.
Leon: The slumming party in the kitchen is all over. Goodbye.
Tony Armotti: So what do you want? An amusing item for the eggheads back home? A chapter headed, "Interesting morons I've known"?
Crystal St. Clair: I'm a girl. An old girl, mind you, but a girl nonetheless. There's certain things we don't tell guys.
Hussein Mohammed: Yes, I passed algebra. Yes, I picked a new name - Harry Armotti, it was going to be. But if why I'm beginning to think Baby quit is why she quit, I wouldn't use that name of yours for a million bucks!
Anne Leeds: I vote, the Board of Education lets me teach, and when it comes to knowing my way around, I'll match myself against any dame in the place!
Tony Armotti: I want to talk to Patsy about Patsy. She's been like a sleepwalker all week. You know, it's gettin' so the customers are too polite to applaud. They're afraid they'll wake her up.
Rocco: Stick to the dames that know the score - hello, thank you and goodbye.
Bruce Cameron: Why should a girl like Ivy go to night school? And if she does go to night school, why should she take algebra?
Rocco: Me and heartburn are a cinch daily double.
Tony Armotti: I'm free. I got plenty of dough, a club we run to suit us and not the customers, and sense enough to know when I'm well off.
Anne Leeds: Oh, you must hate doing this so conventionally. What a pity you can't hit me like you did that man in the alley.
Tony Armotti: Don't kid yourself, honey. If I caught you dipping your fingers in the till, I'd clip you, too. But him I didn't fire because he's good at his job, which you're not. Is that nice and clear?
Anne Leeds: Perfectly. If you're a thief or a liar, you belong at the Tonic. Otherwise, you don't.
Tony Armotti: Yeah, you tell 'em, sister. Get a soapbox and tell 'em.
Rocco: You don't understand about Tony. He's the kind of a guy who could wind up in the clink easy, or drivin' a truck, or somethin'.
Tony Armotti: I kissed a good-looking girl. It's happened before, and the chances are pretty good it'll happen again.
Rocco: What has you don't approve of me got to do with where is my secretary?
Leon: You're young. You got your health. You don't need reasonably unhappy.
Mr. Bernbaum: Ivy, you are like an entrance with French horns.
Tony Armotti: I didn't have dime. I was a big load of nothin' walkin' around.
Tony Armotti: I stood still for a shelacking because I figured I owed you somethin' after ten years. But that paid me up. If you ever raise your voice to me again let alone your hand, I'll beat your brains out.
Crystal St. Clair: In order to have a stove delivered at 7 AM, who did you have to promise what?
Rocco: What they pay to sit on each other's laps it's a crime to take.
Anne Leeds: Paula Lee was scratched at the post and horse called, Puddy Tat, made 7.50, and you made something called a round robin.
Crystal St. Clair: Quiet! If you want toshe debate, hire a hall!
Ivy Corlane: What's this dolly got that's so special, Roc?
Rocco: Well, she - she don't know from nuttin'. It's cute.
Ivy Corlane: You can't mean from nothing?
Rocco: From nothin'!
Tony Armotti: That's going a little too far, Roc. She's a hick, I'll grant you; but, so are a lot of farmer's daughters. And you heard about them.
Rocco: Ivy, the matter we were discussin', let's forget about it, huh? Seein' as how we didn't make a bet.
Rocco: Oh, we were arguing as to who pitched for the Yankees last year.
Ivy Corlane: Oh, that wasn't it, Roc. Did anyone make first base, that was the question.
Anne Leeds: But, somebody always makes first base
Anne Leeds: I never met so many amazing characters in one place in all my life.
Tony Armotti: Somethin' tells me you shouldn't be runnin' around loose.
Crystal St. Clair: Is it wrong, if I have ambition that I want you to be the best hoofer in the world?
Ziggy Dawit: What's new?
Rocco: [eating dinner with Anne] Her. My secretary.
Ziggy Dawit: Oh! So, that's what they call it now.
Rocco: [to Anne] He writes a column. They all have dirty minds.
Ziggy Dawit: I want one, Roc. Right out of the same valley.
Rocco: He's not a bad guy. The dames don't like him. It makes him a little sour.
Ivy Corlane: [singing] I'm gonna live, live, live, until I die! The blues I lay low, I'll make them stay low, They'll never trail over my head, I'll be a devil, till I'm an angel, but until then Hallelujah!
Ivy Corlane: Sweetie, we can't send a girl to do a woman's work.
Tony Armotti: His names Hussein Mohammed. What can you expect from kids. They can't see him without yelling, "Hey, Hussein, where's your harem?" If this dope would only laugh at them.
Ivy Corlane: What are we waiting for? The bar's crawling with brains tonight.
Rocco: What's so comical? A young lady gets a job and all of the sudden has to be pumped about what is nobody's business but her own.
Stowe Devlin: Massachusetts?
Anne Leeds: Newton.
Stowe Devlin: Dedham.
Anne Leeds: Really?
Stowe Devlin: Radcliff?
Anne Leeds: Smith. Harvard?
Stowe Devlin: Sorry, Amherst.
Anne Leeds: I'm perfectly satisfied. Oh, it is ever good to meet somebody like you in this place.
Stowe Devlin: Really, why?
Anne Leeds: Well, I just started working here and honestly it's like being in a foreign country! You don't know what a relief it is to run into somebody who speaks my language. Now, could I ask you a few questions about the place?
Stowe Devlin: Mmm, I don't think so. No. If you're in a foreign country, you ought to learn the language from the natives, not another tourist.
Crystal St. Clair: Don't ask me, tell me!
Crystal St. Clair: All right, you're so smart, why don't you do the strip?
Ivy Corlane: Forget me lover, I'm about to find the lost chord.
Ivy Corlane: [singing] When she starts to shake her hips, Captain, captain, sink your ships, And if she starts to vamp, oh gosh, Mother burn my mackintosh! Since this vamping baby came to town...
Patsy St. Clair: [singing] My body is racked, Please believe me, It's no act, Come over to my corner, I'm really stacked, Get your latest, latest copy here, Get all the latest news from far and near...
Ziggy Dawit: Ivy, what you haven't got, I don't want.
Tony Armotti: She's a good guy, that Crystal.
Ivy Corlane: [singing] Paradise is in our sights, And this could be the night, This could be the night, This the wondrous night - of love!
Rocco: What do you think I came in for? To dictate a letter?
Tony Armotti: You were plastered; because, two drinks and you're a gone goose.
Anne Leeds: Oh, really. You seem to think I'm a museum piece to be pressed between the pages of a book or pickled in alcohol!
Tony Armotti: If you ever raise your voice to me again, let alone, your hand; I'll beat your brains out!
Ivy Corlane: [singing] My poor heart is sentimental, Its not made of wood, I got it bad and that ain't good...
Rocco: Some bossy dame. College broad!
Ziggy Dawit: Well, sitting in a front booth, eating your own food and laughing. You saving money on shills?
Rocco: Why not? What got ya up so early, Ziggy?
Ziggy Dawit: Oh, I couldn't sleep. What's new?
Rocco: [nodding toward Anne] Her - my secretary.
Ziggy Dawit: Oh, so that's what they call it now?
Rocco: [to Anne] He writes a column. They all have dirty minds.
Tony Armotti: And from now on, don't work past eleven. I've got a right to some mess around here.