The Tunnel of Love (1958)

Gig Young: Dick Pepper

Quotes 

• Alice Pepper : [to her husband]  You know, I miss the kids. I know camp's the best place for them, but I miss them terribly, don't you?

  Dick Pepper : [Casually unconcerned]  Not a damn bit!

• Dick Pepper : [Sound of his kids loudly playing can be heard in the background]  Pipe down you kids, or I'll send the pack of you to boarding school!

  Alice Pepper : It wouldn't hurt you to play with your kids once in a while.

  Dick Pepper : [Indifferently]  We have nothing in common. They bore me. Being a parent is just feeding the mouth that bites you.

• Dick Pepper : You're like that plant. You need more elbow room, more dirt. A bigger jardinière. You'll never be an artist because you're denying yourself the emotional soil your roots need. You're pot-bound!

  August 'Augie' Poole : [Taken aback]  "Pot-bound"? Why, you mixed up Luther Burbank! You just attacked me for being too normal! That's a perfect example of 'doublethink'!

• Dick Pepper : [Referring to his latest extramarital love interest]  Ah, what a lovely thing. Just to look at her sends the blood coursing through my veins!

  August 'Augie' Poole : [Cynically]  In contrast to the *usual* route it takes...

• Dick Pepper : You know, there's nothing as smug as a monogamous man.

• Dick Pepper : [Expressing indignation over the fact that adoption agencies conduct background checks on prospective parents and their co-signers]  Investigated? You mean they might be sneaking behind our backs without our knowing it?

  August 'Augie' Poole : Sure. They'll assign a caseworker to us. A woman with her hair spun back in a bun, and a mouth like a mail slot. Typical 'American Gothic.' And leave us ask ourselves, what virtues she'll expect to find in the prospective parents and, uh, their co-signers. First, uh, stability, then solvency, next, uh, sobriety... and finally... chastity.

  [Dick starts to look very uncomfortable upon hearing this] 

• August 'Augie' Poole : Are you out for a world record? Can't you pass up one dame?

  Dick Pepper : I have never yet gone after a woman unless she sent out a certain signal, like radar.

  August 'Augie' Poole : [Glumly]  I didn't notice any signal.

  Dick Pepper : Your extrasensory perceptions have been dulled by years of disuse. She lit up like that sign over Madison Square Garden: "Wrestling Tonight"!

• August 'Augie' Poole : Now, according to your logic, if I chase around with another woman, then I'll have a child with my own wife?

  Dick Pepper : Well, I can't guarantee it, but what can you lose? You're not getting anywhere *your* way.

• Dick Pepper : You couldn't squeeze a thousand bucks out of me if you put me in a Waring mixer.

  August 'Augie' Poole : Give me your check and date it ahead.

  August 'Augie' Poole : If I gave you a check it would bounce from Westport to Port Arthur.

• Dick Pepper : Maybe it is best to come clean and tell her everything. Confession *is* good for the soul.

  August 'Augie' Poole : Only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff!

• Dick Pepper : You go to the Bible for inspiration. Let me remind you of something. When Daniel got out of the lion's den, he didn't go back for his hat.

• Alice Pepper : Just remember, you're the host.

  Dick Pepper : Okay, okay. I promise not to enjoy myself.

• Alice Pepper : It wouldn't hurt you to play with your children once in a while.

  Dick Pepper : We have nothing in common. They bore me. Being a parent is just feeding the mouth that bites you.