Ben Cartwright: You and your education.

Adam Cartwright: Education is progress! Now what have you got against it?

Ben Cartwright: I don't have anything against education - as long as it doesn't interfere with your thinking!

[Hoss reluctantly agrees to serve as a temporary deputy sheriff]

Deputy Sheriff: I'll swear you in. Do you?

Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: I do.

Deputy Sheriff: You are.

[running gag]

Ben Cartwright: Hey, Joe, do you know the difference between a table and an ottoman?

Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: Sure I do.

Ben Cartwright: Then take your feet off the table!

[Hoss rolls his eyes]

Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: He'll never learn to do that.

Adam Cartwright: Let's go back to the Ponderosa, Pa. This isn't any of our affair.

Ben Cartwright: We can't ignore the rest of the world. We're the only stabilizing influence in the country.