Robbie Douglas: Beanbrain!

Mike Douglas: Knothead!

Ernie Douglas: Do you think the house is going to miss us?

Charley O'Casey: Sure, it'll miss us. The minute we get out of sight, it's going to break right down and start to cry out of all the faucets. The neighbors will sell tickets to see the crying house.

Steve Douglas: I'd like to think the house is going to miss us, Charley.

Charley O'Casey: Look, are we going to California, or are we going to stand here waving bye-bye to a pile of lumber?

Steve Douglas: Charley's right, fellas. Let's all...let's all pile in.

Charley O'Casey: Come on, let's go. Come on, move.

Chip Douglas: [They all climb into the car.]

Chip Douglas: Boy, Dad.

Steve Douglas: Now, Chip, when they transferred me to California, you fellas all thought it was a great idea, so... Well, there's no turning back now.

Chip Douglas: I know.

Chip Douglas: [to Ernie]

Chip Douglas: Hey, are you crying, Ernie?

Ernie Douglas: Heck, no. Tramp just breathed on my glasses and they steamed up.

Salesman: Madam, I know you are simply going to...

[realizes it's an old man in front of him]

Salesman: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Michael Francis 'Bub' O'Casey: Oh, that's all right... Happens all the time. What's your paddlin'?

Michael Francis 'Bub' O'Casey: Oh, uuh... Cosmetics.

Michael Francis 'Bub' O'Casey: Oh-ho, BOY! Have you got the wrong house!

Salesman: Oh?

Michael Francis 'Bub' O'Casey: I'm the nearest thing to a lady around here. Come back when somebody's married.

Salesman: Yes, yes, I-I'll do that.

Michael Francis 'Bub' O'Casey: I will be back.

[slams the door]