Ella: I'm in love with a man - Plaza Oh- Double four- Double Three. What a perfect relationship - I can't see him, he can't see me!

Ella: [singing] Who am I? I've gotta find out, At least I'm gonna try, I'm going back, Where I can be me, At the Bonjour Tristesse Brassière Company...

Jeffrey Moss: Did I say I was a writer?

Ella: No, but you're not a plumber are you?

Jeffrey Moss: You know, if I hadn't found you crawling around on my floor, I wouldn't be invited anyplace. I'd just be resting comfortably, face down, in the gutter.

Carl: Hey, Titanic Records - is that a new label?

J. Otto Prantz: We have only the finest European recordings.

Carl: Oh, Brandenburg Number Three. I have the Leonard Bernstein recording. Who's on your label?

J. Otto Prantz: The Dusseldorf Zuider Zee Moonlight Hanseatic League Symphony on the Karlsruhe.

Gwynne: Okay, which one is the Madame?

Ella: That's Madame Grimaldi, the opera star. I recommended a mustard plaster for her cold; so, then her - Hah! Oh, have you got a dirty mind!

Jeffrey Moss: Now that my vision has cleared up a bit and I'm beginning to see shapes and colors more than six inches away, you're beginning to look pretty good to me.

Jeffrey Moss: All right, all right, I've tried analysis, I might as well try witchcraft.

Carl: Gee, there must be a mistake in that order. Beethoven only wrote nine symphonies.

Ella: Really? But, we had over 5,000 orders for Beethoven's Tenth?

Carl: Well, they gotta mean the Ninth. Tchaikovsky six, Brahms four, Beethoven nine.

Jeffrey Moss: Don't you like dancing?

Ella: I love it.

Jeffrey Moss: [dancing and singing] Just in time, I found you, Just in time, Before you came, My time was runnin' low, I was lost, The losin' dice were tossed, My bridges all were crossed, Nowhere to go, Now, you're here, And now I know, Just where I'm goin', No more doubt or fear, I found my way, For love came, Just in time, You found me, Just in time, And changed my lonely life, And lonely days...

Olga: Boy, you're a real kooky dame, aren't you. But, Melisande Scott? Where'd you find that name? In a Chinese fortune cookie?

Ella: I've spent my whole life tuning in on other people's lives. Playing all sorts of imaginary characters. It became even more real to me than I was. Jeff. he fell in love with one of 'em. Not with me. But, who is me? I don't know myself, who I am.

Jeffrey Moss: Ella you're a girl with a lot of love to give. Don't scatter it all over the place. Give it to me. I need it. I want it.

Jeffrey Moss: Where can I call you later?

Blake Barton: I don't know where I'll be.

Dr. Joe Kitchell: I don't know where I am.

Ella: Did you ever try wearin' a suit?

Blake Barton: A suit?

Ella: A suit - s, u, t.

Ella: Well, if that's the way things are going to be around here, I might as well be back at the Bonjour Tristesse Brassière Company.

Narrator of Susanswerphone Ad: An answering service is a service which answers your telephone when you are out, gives and takes your messages, and reaches you wherever you are. On New York's smart East Side, the smartest East Siders all use: Susanswerphone.

Inspector Barnes: Do you enjoy doing this line of work?

Ella: Oh, I love it here. I used to be a plain switchboard operator in a lingerie house. Pretty dull. Except for a little modeling on the side.

Inspector Barnes: Modeling on the side, eh?

Ella: But, this is so much more personal. I come into contact with so many different types. And I can give each one the particular kind of help he needs. My cousin Sue thinks I spend too much time with each one. She keeps saying, "Get it over with," and "Get on to the next one."

Sue: Ella, I have told you a thousand times. Just give and take messages, that's all. Don't be so helpful to the subscribers. It could get us into trouble. Why don't you help yourself and get yourself a man.

Ella: Listen, that mustard plaster's so pure that if there's any left over, you can put it on a hot dog.

Gwynne: Ella, when are you going to stop worrying about that playboy?

Ella: He's not a playboy, he's a very, talented playwright.

Gwynne: All he does is play, he never writes.

Ella: I beg your pardon. He and his partner have written most of the successful successes on Broadway.

Ella: You're not so badly off. I know a guy who's father's forcing him to be a dentist and he wants to be a composer. The poor fella sits up in an office, all day long, composing songs on an air hose.

J. Otto Prantz: You have the keys to my heart.

Sue: Oh, Otto! Oh-oh!

Blake Barton: They wanted things like love, hate, and anger. So, for my acting exercise I picked this part, see, and in it, I'm supposed to be this, eh, you know, eh, frustrated guy. Now, I got to find the right image to show for this - occasion. So, I get this image, see, of an ostrich - an ostrich trying to bury his head in a cement pavement. Dig it!

Ella: Is that your motorcycle outside?

Blake Barton: Yeah. It's crazy, huh?

Ella: Cuckoo!

Blake Barton: Cuckoo!

Ella: Hey, did you get the part in "The Midas Touch"?

Blake Barton: Uh.

Ella: Huh?

Blake Barton: Nah!

Ella: Uh. Hey, man, you didn't go in there with that on did ya?

Blake Barton: What do you want me to do? Go in without it on? In the ever-lovin' nude?

Ella: Mr. Moss, you have to have confidence in yourself. I don't even know you, but, I have confidence in you.

Jeffrey Moss: You do?

Ella: Yes, I do.

Jeffrey Moss: You're crazy.

Ella: Yes, I know.

EllaCarl: Ha, cha cha cha! Cha cha!

Ella: Cha cha cha!

Carl: Cha cha cha!

Ella: Cha cha cha?

Carl: Cha cha cha!

Ella: Follow me!

Carl: Here I come!

Ella: I thought you needed a secretary?

Jeffrey Moss: Secretary?

Ella: Well, I mean, you're pretty well fixed for girls.

Jeffrey Moss: Well, if you're here as a secretary, then get to the typewriter! What do you charge?

Ella: Nothing!

Jeffrey Moss: Oh, come on!

Ella: A thousand dollars an hour!

Jeffrey Moss: That's reasonable enough. Now sit down. Sit down! I promise I'll keep my grimy paws off of ya. Now, where were we? Act 12, Scene 9! Señor Mendoza's hacienda in Iceland! Rodriguez is kneeling by the bedside...

Jeffrey Moss: How did you know about her and the races?

Ella: Cause it was written all over her face. She even looks a little like a whorse.

Ella: Be a punk imitation the rest of your life? I'm tellin' ya, you want the job, you gotta cut the blue jeans action. You know what I mean? Look around you. You're a glut on the market. It's like, man, like, *dig*, like, like, *like*, like, you're nuthin'!

Blake Barton: But a suit?

Jeffrey Moss: Shall we show 'em that little act we used to do in Chicago?

Ella: Where?

Jeffrey Moss: At the stockyards. Are you ready?

Ella: Let's slaughter 'em.

[rolls her eyes]

Larry Hastings: Don't you let it throw you. You just do what everybody else does: drop a name. Right, Katie?

Katherine Arnold: Right! Frank

Party GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Sinatra!

Katherine Arnold: Albert!

Katherine ArnoldParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Schweitzer!

Katherine Arnold: Ingrid!

Katherine ArnoldParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Bergman!

Katherine Arnold: Noel!

Party GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Coward!

Katherine Arnold: Gene!

Party GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Kelly!

Katherine Arnold: Oscar!

Party GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Levant!


Party GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: La-la-la-la, la-la!

Katherine ArnoldParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Brigitte Bardot and Jean Pateau, Marilyn Monroe, Vincent Minelli, Fred Astaire and René Clair, José Ferrer, the former Grace Kelly, Lynn Fontanne and Danny Mann and Deborah Kerr, Irving Berlin...

Ella: And Rin Tin Tin!

Katherine ArnoldParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Danny Kaye and Doris Day and Pasternak, Hemingway and Prince Rainier or Moran and Mack, Irwin Shaw and Evelyn Waugh and Cary Grant, Rory Calhoun...

Ella: And Rin Tin Toon!

Katherine ArnoldParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty GuestParty Guest: Barney Baruch and King Farouk, Alistair Cooke, Lizzie and Eddie, Lucille Ball and Lauren Bacall, Vivien Leigh, Roz Russel and Freddie, Arthur Freed and Sammy Snead and Irving Lazar, Anna May Wong...

Ella: And Ron Ton Tong!

J. Otto Prantz: To tink my simple little bookie system could be loused up by this dumb broad.

Dr. Joe Kitchell: Actually, I'm a dentist.

Jeffrey Moss: A dentist?

Blake Barton: A dentist? That's funny. I'm a dentist.

Dr. Joe Kitchell: You're a dentist?

Blake Barton: Well, I play a dentist in a play.

Ella: No, no, no, it won't be necessary to rub us out, boys.

Ella: [singing] The party's over, the candles flicker and dim, You've danced and dreamed through the night, It seemed to be right just being with him, Now you must wake up, all dreams must end, Take off your makeup, the party's over...

Inspector Barnes: I don't know whether they're pushin' dope, sellin' babies, or if its a spy ring. But, it's somethin' big and she's Miss Big.

Jeffrey Moss: I loved talking to Mom. She was warm, sympathetic, wise, understanding. I thought she was a little old lady. And isn't it a nice surprise to find out she's a beautiful blonde who knows how to cha-cha!

Sue: Oh, Otto, how you deceived me.

J. Otto Prantz: Ah, but how you deceived me, you little Mata Hari.

Blake Barton: Listen, girl, you gave my life that crazy switcheroo!

Ella: Cuckoo!

Blake Barton: Cuckoo!

Dr. Joe Kitchell: [singing] I love your sunny teeth, Your funny, sunny teeth, They're like a pearly wreath, That hangs so...