The Doctor: "Eureka" is Greek for "this bath is too hot."

The Doctor: Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.

The Doctor: Now drop your weapons or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly baby.

Warrior: Kill him, then.

The Doctor: What?

Warrior: Kill him, then.

The Doctor: I don't take orders from anyone.

[Eats jelly baby]

The Doctor: Take me to your leader.

The Doctor: You're a classic example of the inverse relationship bewteen the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.

Sarah: Doctor, are you serious?

The Doctor: About what I do, yes. Not necessarily the way I do it.

The Doctor: You know, the very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the facts. They alter the facts to fit their views. Which can be uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that need altering.

The Doctor: First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

The Doctor: You can't rule the world in hiding. You've got to come out on the balcony sometimes and wave a tentacle.

The Doctor: Allow me to congratulate you, sir. You have the most totally closed mind that I've ever encountered.

Amelia Rumford: I still don't understand about hyperspace.

The Doctor: Well, who does?

K9: I do.

The Doctor: Oh shut up, K9!

The Doctor: Wait a minute, I know you. You're the Chamberlain.

Chamberlain: Yes, that's right sir.

The Doctor: I don't like you.

The Doctor: Crush the lesser races. Conquer the galaxy. Incredible power, unlimited rice pudding, et cetera, et cetera.

The Doctor: A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.

The Third Doctor: What's wrong with being childish? I like being childish.

[on oil]

The Doctor: It's about time the people who run this planet of yours realized that to be dependent on a mineral slime just doesn't make sense.

The Doctor: Oh, marvellous. You're going to kill me. What a finely-tuned response to the situation.

Amelia Rumford: Can I ask you a personal question?

The Doctor: Well, I don't see how I can stop you asking.

Amelia Rumford: Are you from outer space?

The Doctor: No, I'm more from what you would call inner time.

The Doctor: Listen, there are no measurements in infinity. You humans have got such limited little minds. I don't know why I like you so much.

Sarah: Because you have such good taste.

The Doctor: That's true. That's very true.

The Doctor: You're a beautiful woman, probably.

The Master: I don't know, rocket fire at long range - somehow it lacks that personal touch.

The Doctor: I always like to do the unexpected, it takes people by surprise.

Stor: I am Commander Stor of the Sontaran Special Space Service.

The Doctor: The SSSS. Eh, isn't that carrying alliteration a little far?

The Fourth Doctor: Would you mind not standing on me, my hat's on fire.

The Fourth Doctor: Oh, don't listen to me... I never do.

Omega: My brothers became Time Lords, while I was abandoned and forgotten.

The Doctor: No, not forgotten. All my life I've known of you, and cherished you as our greatest hero.

Omega: A hero?

[shouts]

Omega: I should have been a God!

The Doctor: Rest is for the weary, sleep is for the dead.

Lethbridge-Stewart: You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.

The Doctor: In my time I have been threatened by experts. And I don't rate you very highly at all.

The Doctor: Planets come and go. Stars perish. Matter disperses, coalesces, forms into other patterns, other worlds. Nothing can be eternal.

The Doctor: There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.

Borusa: You have access to the greatest source of knowledge in the universe.

The Doctor: Well, I do talk to myself sometimes.

The Doctor: Well, you'd better introduce me.

Romana: As what?

The Doctor: Oh, I don't know, a wise and wonderful person who wants to help. Don't exaggerate.

The Doctor: As we learn about each other, so we learn about ourselves.

The Doctor: Dreams are important... never underestimate them.

Countess Scarlioni: Oh, Doctor, I'm quite convinced you're perfectly mad.

The Doctor: Only at my worst. Nobody's perfect.

The Doctor: Once upon a time there were three sisters, and they lived in the bottom of a treacle well. Their names were Olga, Marsha and Irene... Are you listening, Tillie? I feel disorientated.

Sarah: This is the disorientation centre.

The Doctor: That makes sense.

The Doctor: I'm not helping you, officially. And if anyone happens to ask whether I made any material difference to the welfare of this planet, you can tell them I came and went like a summer cloud.

The Doctor: I think you'll find, Sir, that I'm qualified to deal with practically everything, if I choose.

The Doctor: I am the Doctor, whether you like it or not.

The Doctor: Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when used properly.

Lord Palmerdale: Are you in charge here?

The Doctor: No, but I'm full of ideas.

Eldrad: Where are your weapons?

The Doctor: [tapping his head] In here.

The Doctor: My last incarnation... oh, I was never happy with that one. It had a sort of feckless "charm" which simply wasn't *me*!

Adric: Could anyone pass the sodium chloride, please?

Capt. Mike Yates: I see. So all we've got to deal with is something which is either too small to see or thirty feet tall, can incinerate you or freeze you to death, turn stone images into homicidal monsters and looks like the devil.

The Doctor: Exactly.

The Doctor: This is a situation that requires tact and finesse. Fortunately, I am blessed with both.

The Doctor: [on the TARDIS] As an invasion weapon, you'd have to agree that it's about as offensive as a chicken vol-au-vent.

The Doctor: Unless we are prepared to sacrifice our lives for the good of all, then evil and anarchy will spread like the plague.

The Doctor: You see, if you take any progressive series, it can be converted into binary notation. Now, if you take the sum of the integrants and express the result as a power series, then the indices show the basic binary blocks, only I wouldn't do it if I were you.

Lady Camilla: You're wrong. The Doctor is not weaponless. He has the greatest weapon of all: knowledge.

The Doctor: It's very very old, perhaps even older.

The Fifth Doctor: If the freighter crashes into Earth with you onboard, won't that make it rather difficult for you to carry out your task? I mean, you would be very crumpled.

The Doctor: I wonder...

Leela: What?

The Doctor: Shh. I'm wondering.

Fitzwilliam: He is said to be the best swordsman in France.

The Doctor: Well, fortunately, we are in England.

Leela: The Evil One.

The Doctor: Well, nobody's perfect, but that's overstating it a little.

The Doctor: Time and tide melts the snowman.

The Doctor: The best way to find out where you are from is find out where you are going and work backwards.

The Doctor: [after being shoved by Hermann the butler] I say, what a wonderful butler, he's so violent.

The Third Doctor: Good grief, man, it's as simple as Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity.

The Master: I have so few worthy opponents. When they're gone I always miss them.

The Doctor: The trouble with computers, of course, is that they're very sophisticated idiots. They do exactly what you tell them at amazing speed. Even if you order them to kill you. So if you do happen to change your mind, it's very difficult to stop them from obeying the original order.

[stops computer from destroying Earth]

The Doctor: But not impossible.

The Doctor: No. Impossible. I'm fully booked for the next two centuries.

Brigadier: You've been agitating for a new assistant ever since Miss Shaw went back to Cambridge.

The Doctor: Liz was a highly-qualified scientist. I want someone with the same qualifications.

Brigadier: Nonsense. What you need, Doctor, as Miss Shaw has so often remarked, is someone to pass you your test tubes and to tell you how brilliant you are. Miss Grant will fulfill that function admirably.

Styggron: Resistance is inadvisable.

Adric: So what is a railway station?

The Doctor: Well, a place where one embarks and disembarks from compartments on wheels drawn along these tracks by a steam engine - rarely on time

Nyssa: What a very silly activity.

The Doctor: You think so? As a boy, I always wanted to drive one.

The Doctor: Into the matrix. Where the only logic is there isn't any logic.

The Doctor: Unstable? Unstable? Unstable? This is me, Peri! Right now I am as stable as you will ever see me! You must forget how I used to be. I'm a Time Lord. A man of science, temperament, and *passion*!"

Tegan: We're perfectly harmless, unfortunately.

Ace: Master, who's he?

The Seventh Doctor: An evil genius. One of my oldest and deadliest of enemies.

Ace: [sarcastically] Do you know any nice people. You know, normal people. Not power crazed nutters trying to take over the universe.

The Doctor: Deactivating a generator loop without the correct key is like repairing a watch with a hammer and chisel. One false move and you'll never know the time again.

The Master: At last, Doctor I've cut you down to size.

The Master: But first things first. I've a death to arrange.

Nyssa: You killed my father?

The Master: But his body remains useful.

The Doctor: And kindly refrain from addressing me as "Doc", Perpugilliam.

Brigadier: I never thought I'd have to fire in anger at a dratted caterpillar.

The Doctor: You know, I am so constantly outwitting the opposition, I tend to forget the delight and satisfaction of the arts... the gentle art of fisticuffs.

Brigadier: As long as he does the job, he can wear what face he likes.

Brigadier: Most of their work's so secret, they don't know what they're doing themselves.

The Doctor: I'm not only from another culture but another planet. I am in your terms an alien.

The Doctor: "Only in mathematics will we find truth." Borusa used to say that during my time at the Academy - and now he's setting out to prove it.

Brigadier: A dream? Really, Doctor. You'll be consulting the entrails of a sheep next.

The Doctor: Don't worry. I always leave things until the last moment.

The Doctor: Well, well. The Rani. I can't say I think much about your outfit. Doesn't do a thing for you.

The Rani: Your regeneration isn't too appealing either.

Olvir: I'd hate to end the universe by mistake.

Poul: Somebody interrupted Chubb - with both hands.

The Doctor: That's the trouble with antimatter. You can see the effect but not the cause. It's like being punched on the nose by the invisible man.

The Doctor: To the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable; only unexplained.

Hepesh: To the unbeliever, all signs are as dust in the wind.

The Master: It's always the innocent bystanders who suffer most.

The Third Doctor: What's that supposed to mean?

The Master: [aims pistol] I'm afraid you're about to become the victims of stray bullets.

The Master: One must rule or serve. That is the basic law of life. Why do you hesitate? Surely it's not loyalty to the Time Lords, who exiled you to one insignificant planet?

The Doctor: You'll never understand. I want to see the universe, not to rule it.

The Doctor: I'm sorry to tell you that Romana can look after herself. We're Time Lords. Not like those innocents on Atrios, you know. Time Lords, sent by the Guardian to recover the Key to Time.

The Shadow: I know who you are, Doctor, I have always known. I have been waiting for you. I too serve a Guardian, a Guardian equal and opposite in power to the one you serve. The Black Guardian - he who walks in darkness. And you are in the valley of the Shadow!

A Dalek: We must find the traitors. The enemy of the Daleks must be destroyed.

Dalek: We are not traitors. We serve our creator Davros.

A Dalek: The Supreme Dalek is your ruler! He must be obeyed at all times.

Dalek: Davros must be honoured.

A Dalek: He must be exterminated. Nothing must interfere in the true destiny of the Daleks! You must be exterminated! Exterminated!

[shouts]

A Dalek: Exterminated!

Cyberman: Effective penetration should be immediate.

The Doctor: No, there's something else going on here. I was taken out of time for another reason and I have every intention of finding out what it is!

The Valeyard: The future? Is it going to be the Doctor's defense that he improves?

The Sixth Doctor: Precisely.

The Valeyard: This I must see.

The Doctor: More of a clown actually. Would you like to hear my rendering of "On With the Motley"?

The Doctor: How do you feel now?

Tegan: Groggy, sore and bad tempered.

The Doctor: Almost your old self.

The Doctor: Ahhh... a noble brow. Clear gaze. At least it will be given a few hours sleep. A firm mouth. A face beaming with a vast intelligence. My dear child what on Earth are you complaining about? It's the most extraordinary improvement.

The Doctor: Think about me when you're living your life one day after another, all in a neat pattern. Think about the homeless traveller in his old police box, his days like crazy paving.

The Doctor: I had to face my fear. That was more important than just going on living.

The Doctor: Just be your natural horrid self.

The Doctor: Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast.

The Doctor: What is the one thing evil cannot face, not ever?

Tegan: What?

The Doctor: Itself.

The Doctor: You're working for a madman, you know.

Scorby: He pays well.

Leela: It was as if there was a sort of glow all around you.

The Fourth Doctor: There was? Well, a kind of St. Elmo's fire, it happens at sea.

Leela: St. Elmo's?

The Fourth Doctor: Yes, it causes a sort of halo effect around the masts of ships.

Leela: Halo?

The Fourth Doctor: Why do you keep repeating everything I say, you're not a parrot, are you?

Leela: Parrot?

Adric: [sitting atop a big gun, hands on controls] I don't know what these levers do, but it's pointing in your direction.

[the seventh Doctor's first line]

The Doctor: That was a nice nap, now down to business.

The Seventh Doctor: Time and Time Lord wait for no man.

The Master: You are indeed a worthy opponent, Doctor. It's what gives your destruction its... piquancy.

[repeated line after getting eye shot]

Dalek: My vision is impaired! I cannot see!

[to the Cybermen]

The Doctor: You have no home planet, no influence, nothing! You're just a pathetic bunch of tin soldiers skulking around the galaxy in an antique space craft.

The Rani: Outside of these experiments you have absolutely no significance.

The Master: How well you know me, Doctor... my strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure.

The Doctor: Watch it, Mestor!

The Doctor: The sound of giant slugs!

The Doctor: The Time Lords are an immensely civilized race. We can control our own environment - we can live forever, barring accidents and we have the secret of space / time travel.

The Doctor: Marshal, you are quite mad.

Marshal: Only if I lose.

Adric: Will Romana be all right?

The Doctor: All right? She'll be superb.

The Master: The Doctor won't tolerate anyone deliberately playing havoc with his favorite planet.

The Doctor: I was trying to help. Surely even a blockhead like you can see that!

Glitz: Somehow I always feel foolish saying this... Take me to your leader!

Linx: We're sworn enemies, Doctor. Why should you help me?

Dr. Who: Because I want something from you. If you will let me de-hypnotise the people and send them home, and help me capture Irongron and his men, then I will assist you in the repairs to your spaceship. The weapons you've made for Irongron you can leave here in the castle. When it's empty, you can take-off, destroying castle and weapons at the same time. Alright, Commander Linx, what do you say?

Linx: You wish for my answer, Doctor?

Dr. Who: I do.

Linx: Then here it is.

[shoots the Doctor]

Omega: Absolute power is absolute freedom.

Garron: I admit I had a great struggle with me conscience. Fortunately, I won.

Sanders: I never think twice about anything. Wastes too much time.

Guard: I think you'll find that most educated people regard mythical convictions as functionally animistic. Personally, I find most experiences border on the existential.

Ace: Do you feel like arguing with a can of deodorant that registers nine on the Richter scale?

The Doctor: Terran insects. Aerodynamically impossible for them to fly, but they do it. I'm rather fond of bumblebees.

The Doctor: That was simply transmigration of object. There's a great deal of difference between that and pure science, you know.

Biroc: The weak enslave themselves.

Dalek: We are the superior beings!

The Master: Who in the whole galaxy is not my inferior? There is not one creature!

The Master: The whole world can be ours. I only need two things - your submission and your obedience to my will!

Davros: For the last time. I am your creator! You must, you *will* obey me!

Dalek: We obey no-one. We are the superior beings!

[shouts]

Dalek: Exterminate!

[repeated line]

Daleks: Exterminate!

The Doctor: This is madness. The Daleks won't thank you for capturing me, they'll kill you.

Stein: I didn't quite tell you the truth. I serve the Daleks. I'm a Dalek agent.

[Daleks enter and surround The Doctor]

Daleks: Exterminate the doctor!

[shouting]

Daleks: Exterminate the doctor! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Dalek: The Daleks offer you life.

Dalek: We are entombed, but we live on. This is only the beginning. We will prepare, we will grow stronger. When the time is right we will emerge and take our rightful place as

[shouts]

Dalek: the supreme power of the universe!

The Master: The human body has a basic weakness. One which I shall exploit to assist in the destruction of humanity.

The Master: Ah, the tribal taboos of army etiquette. I find it difficult to identify with such primitive absurdities.

The Master: Nobody, and nothing, can stop me now!

The Doctor: Well, if he really does believe such unimaginable rubbish he must be faced by some unimaginable disaster which has unhinged his mind.

The Valeyard: There's nothing you can do to prevent the catharsis of spurious morality.

Cyberleader: Cybermen can survive more efficiently than animal organisms. That is why we will rule the galaxy.

D84: It is a Laserson probe. It can punch a fist-sized hole through six-inch armour plate, or take the crystals from a snowflake one by one.

[repeated line]

Cyberleader: Excellent!

The Doctor: Well, look at me. I'm old, lacking in vigour, my mind's in turmoil. I no longer know if I'm coming, have gone, or even been. I'm falling to pieces. I no longer even have any clothes sense... Self-pity is all I have left.

Turlough: What is it about Earth people that makes them think a futile gesture is a noble one?

[about to be accused of murder again]

The Doctor: You don't think?... You do think.

Yrcanos: [to the Doctor] You think like a warrior but you do not act like one; it's most perplexing.

The Doctor: A little gratitude wouldn't irretrievably damage my ego.

The Doctor: A hyperactive Peri - too ghastly to contemplate.

The Doctor: The Rani is a genius. Shame I can't stand her. I wonder if I was particularly nice to her, she might - nope, no, of course not...

Yrcanos: Everyone has a "point" nowadays. I am a man of action, not reason!

Yrcanos: We shall release the slaves, and then on to death!

The Doctor: Natural metamorphosis. A form of rebirth. I call it a renewal. And this time... positive triumph. I can sense it in every fibre of my being.

The Master: Oh, my dear Doctor, you have been naïve.

Count Federico: You can no more tell the stars than I can tell my chamber pot.

Count Federico: He is but one man.

The Doctor: You can't count, Count.

The Doctor: He could end up anywhere except where he wants to go.

Tegan: Rather like the Tardis, really.

The Doctor: I thought I recognized the stars.

Sarah: You've been here before?

The Doctor: I was born in these parts.

Sarah: Near here?

The Doctor: Well, within a couple of billion miles, yes.

The Doctor: I've got a pistol.

Sarah: But you'd never use it.

The Doctor: True. But they don't know that, do they?

The Doctor: Gods don't use transceivers.

The Doctor: He's gone to see a man about a god.

The Doctor: I don't believe you've met my young friend Ace, an expert in calorification, incineration, carbonization, and inflammation.

The Doctor: I never carry weapons. If people see you mean them no harm, they never hurt you. Nine times out of ten.

The Doctor: It's part of a Time Lord's job to insist on justice for all species.

The Doctor: One good, solid hope's worth a cartload of certainty.

The Doctor: One grows tired of jelly babies, Castellan. One grows tired of almost everything, Castellan, except power.

The Doctor: Superior intelligence and senseless cruelty just do not go together.

The Doctor: This may be the greatest miscalculation since life crawled out of the seas on this miserable planet.

The Doctor: We're all basically primeval slime with ideas above its station.

The Doctor: Well, look at me. I'm old, lacking in vigor, my mind's in a turmoil. I no longer know if I'm coming, have gone, or even been. I'm falling to pieces; I no longer even have any clothes sense. Self-pity is all I have left.

The Doctor: You remember the Mona Lisa? That dreadful woman with no eyebrows who wouldn't sit still?

Castellan Guard: The Castellan will have me shot, sir.

The Doctor: Well, that's all right; I'll have him shot.

Leela: I don't know what to believe anymore.

The Doctor: Well that sounds healthy, anyway, Leela; never be certain of anything. It's a sign of weakness.

Leela: Within the black wall wherein lies paradise.

The Doctor: Is that just religious gobbledygook or is that an actual place?

Ohica: You feign ignorance, Time Lord?

The Doctor: Please, just call me Doctor. I hate all this bowing and scraping.

Striker: You are a Time Lord, a lord of Time. Are there Lords in such a small domain?

Romana: You mean you didn't believe his story?

The Doctor: No.

Romana: But he had such an honest face.

The Doctor: Romana, you can't be a successful crook with a dishonest face, can you?

Brigadier: [ordering his men to fire on a monster] Chap with the wings - five rounds, rapid.

The Doctor: This is madness. The Daleks won't thank you for capturing me, they'll kill you.

Stein: I didn't quite tell you the truth. I serve the Daleks. I'm a Dalek agent.

[daleks enter and surround The Doctor]

Daleks: Exterminate the doctor!

[shouting]

Daleks: Exterminate the doctor! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Perpugilliam 'Peri' Brown: Is there any intelligent life on this planet?

The Doctor: Apart from me, you mean?

The Fourth Doctor: [to Leela after she almost knifes him] It's a good thing your tribe never invented firearms... they'd've woken with a start one morning and wiped themselves out.

Organon: [introducing himself to the Doctor] Astrologer extraordinary. Seer to princes and emperors. The future foretold, the past explained, the present... apologised for.

The Doctor: Maybe I am getting too young for this sort of thing.