Boy: Hey kid, how would you like to kick me in the shin?
Boy: How would I like to kick you in the shin?
Mike Edwards: Uhum.
Boy: Mister are you drunk?
Mike Edwards: No. I'll tell you what, if you kick me in the shin I'll give you a quarter, here.
[Gives the boy a quarter and the boy kicks him]
Mike Edwards: [in pain] Yeoww! That's good! Thanks kid.
Boy: [shaking his head] Adults, they're all nuts!
Diane Warren: There is *nothing* in either eye.
Mike Edwards: Well, maybe it's right in the middle, just passing under my nose, and going from one eye to the other?
Diane Warren: I'm afraid that would be medically impossible.
Mike Edwards: Well, you can't tell. Science is making new discoveries every day.
Diane Warren: Yes. And it's too bad they haven't come up with a wolf repellant!
Mike Edwards: My name is Mike Edwards. I'd like to start over again, Miss Warren.
Diane Warren: The only thing that I want you to start, Mr. Edwards, is *out*!
Mike Edwards: Look, I know I have a tendency to press, but it's a personality flaw. Basically, I'm not a bad guy, really.
Diane Warren: Do you want me to call the guard?
Mike Edwards: I like it better with just the two of us.
Mike Edwards: Danny, you weren't born, you were dealt.
Second Attendant: [Mike brings Sue Lin to the nurse's station] Good heavens, what's the matter?
Sue Lin: I got a stomach ache.
Mike Edwards: She kinda' went overboard on the groceries, ma'am. I'm afraid it's my fault.
Second Attendant: That's generally the case. Are you all right?
Mike Edwards: Oh, sure. My stomach went through 3 years in the Army, ha ha.
[the nurse is not amused]