Judge Bryson: [to Nick] You mean your own mother charged you with bigamy?

Grace Arden: I certainly did.

Judge Bryson: I hope you remember this on Mother's Day.

Bianca Steele: Your Honor, may I please have your permission to get out of here before I explode?

Judge Bryson: I'd like to go home myself. I'd like to tell my wife about this. She thinks all my cases are dull. This one's a doozy.

Grace Arden: You'll be at the hotel before they arrive.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: I can't DO that, Grace!

Grace Arden: WHY can't you? You're his wife.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: So is she.

Grace Arden: She's his bride.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: What's he difference?

Grace Arden: A honeymoon, and you're not goin' to let them have one.

Nicholas Arden: [describing Ellen's memorial service] There wasn't a dry eye in the congregation.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Oh, gosh, I wish I'd been there.

Nicholas Arden: I-if you had been there, there wouldn't have been a service.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Oh. That's right.

District Attorney: Your Honor, in effort to expedite matters in this somewhat unusual hearing, we pray decisions on a number of legal actions filed concurrently, all of which are components of one basic familial disturbance.

Judge Bryson: [bemoaning] Sounds like something The Court of Appeals is gonna reverse me on already.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Child? Oh! Nick is not a child.

Grace Arden: No, he's not that smart. He's only a man.

Nicholas Arden: You out of your mind?

Grace Arden: Just a little. I can't quite seem to adjust: two daughters-in-law for only one son.

Nicholas Arden: Well, as long as you had only one, why'd it have to be me?

Bianca Steele: Oh, you are such a comfort, doctor. You know, I truly believe the most vital relationship a woman can establish is not between man and wife. It's the relationship between a woman and her analyst. Don't you agree, Dr. Schlick?

Dr. Herman Schlick: Call me Herman.

Nicholas Arden: [muttering as he walks through the hotel lobby] My wife is alive. My wife is alive. My wife is alive.

Seymour: So's mine, buddy. That's why I drink!

Judge Bryson: Well, are you gonna answer the question or is she going to talk for you the rest of your life?

Judge Bryson: And you down there, stop that whispering. This is a court of law, not a public library.

Judge Bryson: Freud's dead. Probably from arthritis.

Mr. Codd: I'd like to know what he thinks he's doing.

Hotel Desk Clerk: I'd like to know how he does it.

Judge Bryson: Where'd you study law, anyway?

Nicholas Arden: Harvard, sir.

Judge Bryson: Yeah, I might have known. Yale man, myself.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Oh, Grace. There was a man on that island with me.

Grace Arden: How marvelous. No wonder you look so well. But, you silly girl, why did you tell Nick?

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: We have such problems, don't you?

Nicholas Arden: Kids aren't hard to bring up. Just pretend they're someone else's.

Stephen Burkett: Man, she sure looks great in clothes.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Don't take advantage of me just because I'm a woman.

Nicholas Arden: You're my wife.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: One of them.

Nicholas Arden: Yeah. Hey, I really have to do something about that.

Ellen Wagstaff Arden: Yes.